"Hey~ Heya! Heya~!"

Kam is not a bad singer, but neither is he a good one.

While we were driving through the dimly lit streets, the car radio was turned up high and the windows were rolled down low. I think it might have been considered public disturbance? But a few other drivers we passed seemed to like Kam’s choice in late night music and joined in by having little dances in their cars.

When we finally turned into my street, I brought the music down so that we wouldn’t disturb my neighbours.

"Here we are," he declared.

Kam stopped the car across the street from my house. He put it into park, pulled up the hand break, and turned off the engine.

"So," he began awkwardly while I unbuckled my seatbelt, "did you have fun tonight?"

"Yeah, although we ended up just doing what we normally do."

We've seen plenty of movies before, and had milk tea lots of times.

"Yes, but this time it was a date," he justified while unbuckling his own seatbelt.

Kam rested his hand on the passenger seat and leaned in closer.

He continued, "It was sort of different, you know? Those moments of brief contact and elevated heart beats?"

"What?"

"Jeez, you're really going to make me say it aren't you."

It was dark, but even I could tell that he was blushing.

"Did you notice that our knees were touching during the movie?" he asked.

"Yeah, I noticed."

"Yes, well, it made me really happy."

"It did?"

I wasn’t surprised by the fact that our knees touching had made him happy. No. What did surprise me was my own ignorance to his feelings at the time. How did I not notice how giddy he had been?

"Yes!"

He covered his face for a moment, I think he was embarrassed. Kam, the most confident person I know, was embarrassed.

"You wouldn't hold hands with me so I was feeling a little... “ he paused to give himself some time to think. “Sad? Lonely? I don't know what I was feeling but I didn't like it."

"Hold hands?" I shuffled in my seat to face him. "When wouldn't I hold your hand?"

"During the movie, I was trying to hold your hand but then you backed away."

"I thought you were trying to steal my popcorn!"

"I figured, so I just played along because I was too embarrassed to ask after your reaction."

I felt my body slump into the chair with a sense of defeat.

"You know, Kam, you should have just been straight forward and said you wanted to hold hands with me," I told him.

The look on Kam's face was one of genuine shock.

"Really? You're telling me," he raises an eyebrow while pointing to himself, "the guy that has been saying we should kiss and make out this whole time, to be more straightforward?"

Yes, I know, I am a hypocrite.

"You know, Jun," he pointed at me with the same hand he had pointed at himself before, "you should practice what you preach, and tell me what you really want."

He speaks his mind so easily, but for me it isn't as simple.

What if I'm rejected? What if he thinks I'm silly? What if what I say offends someone?

These thoughts are always running through my head.

What if I let myself get sucked into all of this and in the end we wind up broken-hearted?

The constant fear looms over me.

"Jun," he gently placed his hand on my cheek, "it's okay."

I want to kiss him.

"I really want to kiss you."

Oh shit! Did I just say that out loud?

Kam smiled. Not a gentle smile. A wicked smile.

His lips parted as he said, "No."