"Why are you mad at me this time?" I ask Cole. He's been ignoring me and just basically on hush mode since we left his friend Tobias' house.

He rolls his eyes and I can see his right cheek pulled in a bit. He chews on the inside of his mouth whenever he is pissed.

After dating for a few months, I've figured out most of his tells. When he is happy, he smiles ceaselessly without really having a reason. When he is sad -- which isn't very often -- he chews on his thumb. Mad and he chews on the inside of his cheek. The rest of his emotions don't last very long so I don't really care about them. The constant mood changes give me headaches. Makes me wonder if he's bipolar.

"You let him hang all over you again today?" he finally responds.

WTF, Cole?

"Who was hanging all over me?" I scoff. "Toby? Is that who you're talking about?"

Admittedly, his friend Tobias Brewser can be a bit 'hands on' a lot, but it's not like he gropes my boobs or fondles my ass. When he gets a few drinks in his system, he gets friendly. Much more than he is when he is sober.

"Yeah, that's who I mean." he spits.

Now I'm rolling my eyes. "Stop it, Cole," I reply irritated at his petty attitude. "It's just childish antics with him and you know it. If you have a problem with him touching me, then talk to him about it."

He pulls over to the side of the road and shoots a glare at me. "What's with the attitude?"

WTF?!

I fight the very strong urge to scream at him. "I don't have an attitude, Cole." leaning forward to be closer to him seems to be a good idea. "I just can't understand why you always want to bite my head off when I did absolutely nothing wrong."

"And I don't understand why you won't let me touch you." he reaches out and puts a hand on my thigh.

So that is what this is about.

"I just don't know yet, Cole." I avert my eyes and tuck my hair behind my ears.

"It's me, isn't it?" he leans back to slouch in his seat. "You should just tell me if you hate me."

"Cole..." I try to say something, but he doesn't let me.

He leans over and gives me one of those smouldering French kisses he always does. It used to be cute, but now I realise he does it when he wants me to stop talking. However, that realisation doesn't prevent my body from trembling and my eyes from getting all watery. He is that good.

Before I can recuperate and catch my breath, he's driving again. Rather than drive me home as planned, he drives to the open field at the abandoned farm on the end of the residential area.

We come here to make out sometimes, but I doubt that that's all he wants to do this evening. A nervous tremor courses through me.

He gets out of the car and I decide to follow. Otherwise, he'll have a hissy fit later on.

"The sky is gonna be prettier tonight," I say rubbing my arms. It's kinda chilly. "There is going to be a full moon out."

A nice thing about the country is that the lack of too many bright lights allows the stars to be seen better. Very few places near where I used to live had visible stars.

He pulls down the back part of the truck that grants me access to the cargo area, or as Cole and a few other country boys call it, the bed. Climbing in, I sit far back, leaning my head against the back window.

The quiet seclusion of this area makes it a private place that Cole likes to utilise. The only reason I agreed to it, is because of the rare privacy and space that it provides.

It's so silent out here that the creak the truck makes as he climbs in is louder than usual. So is the ringing in my ears. My nervousness builds as Cole inches towards me and plants his lips against mine.

The kiss is as rough and hungry as usual. Sometimes I like it, but other times, I wish he would just slow down a bit. Maybe be just a little bit more gentle.

His tongue parts my lips and plunges deep into my mouth. I gasp from the shock, but he doesn't seem to notice. He continues to ravage my mouth before pulling me down onto my back. The cushioning blankets Cole set up back here, offer padding for when I am roughly brought under him.

"Cole, wait, I'm not..." I try to talk as his mouth moves over mine.

"Come on, Chris," he whispers into my ear. "I just want you to be mine. I love you."

You what?

"Really?" I manage to mutter.

"You are the only girl for me, Ms Selvey." he kisses my neck. My back arches at the tingling sensation that shot down my spine. "Please, Chris."

I'm sorry, Cole, I really don't want to.

My mind races. "O...okay, Cole," I say the opposite of what I actually want. How am I supposed to refuse in this kind of situation? I mean, we have been going out for a while now. He might just up and dump me if I keep denying him what he wants.

"Thank you." he kisses my neck. "Thank you, darlin'. I love you. Do you love me, Chris?"

I nod. "Yeah. I love you, Cole." I force the words out. My love for him is greater than my love for most others, but I really want to just go.

His hands strip me of my sleeveless, jean top. Urgent fingers pull my maxi skirt down my legs and off of me. Both garment pieces are thrown aside and completely disregarded. Lying there in my bra and panties makes me extremely uncomfortable. Especially since Cole's eyes are roaming over me.

My hands move up to cover my eyes so I don't have to look at the starved look in his eye.

"You're so sexy, Chris." he almost grunts. "This is all mine." he smiles gleefully.

Is this what it's supposed to be like?

I have no clue what sex is really supposed to be like. I've seen porn before, but those women are obviously overacting and far from being virgins. In this situation what do I do? Am I supposed to moan or does that happen naturally? What did Patricia tell me she did when she lost her virginity to Palo? I can't remember.

Confusion overwhelms me and my mind races. I try to focus on what Cole is doing. Almost instantly, I wish I hadn't.

He snaps off my bra and yanks it off of me. His left-hand stays put and fondles my breast and nipples. The right-hand moves down the curves of my waist and hips until it reaches my underwear and proceeds to pull them off. Me being fully naked while the only bare part of him is his torso makes me feel self-conscious for some reason.

My breast is sucked on and my lower parts are rubbed hurriedly. The second part actually feels somewhat good and again my back arches. His fingers moving over my privates feels kind of amazing until his middle finger attempts to slip inside of me. It doesn't fit and I feel a painful ache-like feeling all of a sudden.

That fucking hurt.

I hiss and suck on my teeth as the pain slightly grows when he forces his finger inside me.

He pulls it out and I sigh with relief, but the moment he pulls that out, I hear the truck creak again. Opening my eyes only slightly, I can see him sit up to unbuckle his belt, unbutton his pants, and then unzip them. Almost as quickly as he completed that task, a full on erection is released from where it was being held behind his boxers.

My heart starts to race and my mouth dries, but rather than tell him to stop right now, I clutch the sheets under me.

Cole leans over me and grabs my hands. Pulling them over my head, he kisses me harder than before. His breathing loud and fast.

Then the pain. He shoves himself deep inside of me. My voice escapes me as I yelp out of the sudden burning sensation his forced entry caused. A part of me notices that he must have mistaken it for a moan of pleasure because he pumps me hard a couple more times before letting go of my hands.

Uncontrollable tears escape my eyes, but my hands fly up to wipe them away. It was fast enough for him to not notice them fall.

He takes hold of my waist and grips me tightly as he goes in and out of me. It hurts so much that I don't know what to do. My breathing becomes rapid as I try to handle it, but every now and then a whimper would escape my lips.

It feels like an hour goes by before he stops pushing inside me and buries his face in the nape of my neck. With a grunt and moan, he jerks in me one more time before going limp. He still doesn't pull out of me as his body goes still over me but stays put.

Thank you, God, it's over.

My chest heaves and I try my hardest to gather my bearings. I cup my face with both of my hands and choke down any sobbing motions that try to erupt from me. It's true that I love Cole -- more than I love anyone -- but I can't help but feel wrong about doing this.

Down there I'm hot and pulsing around Cole's little Cole. A certain kind of horror begins to start up as I feel him doing the same. Inside me, I can feel his erection forming up once again. When his body starts to stir and he commences to kiss me again, a rebel tear escapes and flows down the side of my face.

A shock fires through me as he starts to pump again and I hug him tight hoping that'll inhibit his movement. It doesn't and I whimper. A sound muffled by his own mouth.

"I love you, Chris."