when i was young, i used to write a lot. and i mean, literally.

i like writing while listening to lectures and when i go home, i'll re-write it so it becomes more organized. since i'm quite the introvert, there're a lot of thoughts going on my mind and i always write it in a notebook or a piece of paper or a tissue or something. aside from that, i also liked writing stories. sometimes i make up a lot of scenarios about my life and that is what i write--maybe to make myself believe that for once what i wrote was real.

so because of that, i dreamed of becoming a writer one day.

i also remember about a time when a boy from the city came to visit our town during vacation. he was always carrying a big camera that looks like the one people use when they take pictures professionally. we became friends and he always took pictures of me, the places we go to, and some random things, and every time he shares it with me, i realize how amazing and mesmerizing it is to capture stuff and look at them at your convenience. 

after he left, i told myself i'm going to be a photographer and capture whatever i want to show people how i view the world. 

when i was in college, i was enrolled in a course where we would have to produce a play. i wanted to be a scriptwriter then, but i know nothing about writing a script because all i did write was just some random stories that i never got to finish. so i focused on acting since i was given a pretty important role in that play. during rehearsals, i would do my best even when it really scared me thinking about a lot of people that would be watching and i would try to hide how very nervous and shy i get when i play my role. but when the day came, all i remembered was the bright lights blinding my eyes when i look ahead of me. and i didn't do what i had to. i just played around the stage, and i enjoyed it so much. i was overwhelmed with happiness when we ended because i didn't know it would feel so good to hear the people's claps. 

that moment brought me to the realization that what i want in life is to be on that stage again and be able to play countless roles forever.

then, 

BAM.

i graduated college. 

and i ended up working in a contact center, receiving chats to help people with whatever issues they're having regarding the account we're supporting.

i didn't pursue writing because i just realized how i'm not any better, and i never really had any experience on it. i tried submitting my stories; it's either i never hear of them or i get rejected. surprisingly, wanting to become a writer isn't just about you wanting to share something to the world. i didn't know it has some qualifications as well.

as for photography, i dropped it. the moment i saw how much that camera cost, i had no second thoughts of dropping that dream.

and that one of being an actress in theatrical plays? it's long forgotten now.

going through all this, i suddenly thought of the word "compromise". when you grow up, and your bubble bursts, you just get over it. you learn to compromise. you learn to make do of what you currently have, and maybe that's where regret and what if's stem out of. 

to be honest, i salute those people brave enough to fight for what they want and actually achieve it and i'm happy for those who have the means to achieve their dreams.