Trigger warnings for homophobia and crippling stupidity

 Suddenly, I remember the last time.

……..

“Um. Uh, guys- I’m bi- um, bisexual.” I sat and waited, counting. Jerkily inhaling, barely exhaling. My heart thumped erratically, and I resisted the urge to fidget with my hands.

“What?” Nina. She was always the most tolerant. The first to react, but also the least disgusted. She looked more like she wanted to read me the Bible to exorcise the gay out of me, rather than hit me with the Bible to beat it out. Nathan and Dave looked like they wanted to do the latter. Or possibly just make me disappear.

“I uh- I like guys. And girls. I… swing both ways?” I fumbled, words suddenly unwieldy. Breathe.

“No, not that kind of what- I know what bi is, but like, what?? You’re gay??” Nina looked worried for my eternal soul. But- if this is what Heaven would be like- do I really- want…?

“Um, yes. Yeah?” Breathe.

Do I really want to be in Heaven if it’ll be like this?

“Lord- why- I thought- what’s wrong with you?” Nathan broke in. Dave just looked disgusted. He sat there for a bit, then just got up and walked away. After a bit, Nathan followed. That went worse than what I expected. I shouldn’t have told them. But they’re my friends, right? I should tell them these things, right? Breathe.

Nina stood up.

“I know a guy. He used to have these feeling too, but he says he’s better now, he doesn’t think about it anymore. He has a wife and everything.” She looked at me. “We can help you. They’ll come around.” Nina walked out.

Breathe.

I don’t want to be helped.

What’s wrong with liking guys?