Blake's POV
For some time now, I've felt a little out of balance.
I'm single Dad, and with the help of my brother Brad, I feel like we've progress somewhat from the tragedy of eight years ago. My family and I haven't been on speaking terms every since I decided to be with Susan, my now ex-wife, not legally, but in sound and mind. It would have been legally, if I knew where the hell she even was.
She just vanished.
I can't say it was smooth sailing. I'd be lying if I did. Many nights Jaden would get up screaming, or crying and I'd run into his room, prepared for a battle armed with a bat or something. It's a good thing, the nightmares stopped couple years ago.
When it came to Jaden, I was about to knock down iron doors to get to him. I had a couple people home school him because he couldn't stand being touch. After a some psychological evaluations and hyno-therapy, he slowly started to get accustomed to crowds. It wasn't until last two years, he asked to be sent to a regular high school.
So I'm guessing he must have started feeling the pressures of entering High School late.
Everyday I look at Jaden grow up, and he's become the spitting image of his mother. I think he's noticed it too. Judging by the way he keeps distorting his face with those facial piercings and gauges, I can only guess that he's not too happy about it.
He's in that punk/grunge phase right now.
After all, I had a weird hippie-stoner phase myself back in High School. Jaden had fair features, with equally fair skin, making the pink color of his lips stand out brightly; as if he was wearing lipstick or make up. He seems to like his hair in that style where it almost looks like a bird's nest, but could pass off as messy.
Even so, my Jaden was beautiful.
Being his father, it would be weird for someone to know exactly what I mean. His level of attraction is that of man who makes other men feel uneasy. Though the type of emotions I felt towards him doesn't entirely merits authorities to be called, but I do at times, feel like I'm being seduced. It's a type of Jedi 'disturbance in the force' thing, you know.
It's almost impossible to ignore him, when he has this habit of walking around the house half naked and in his boxers. I buy him proper clothes but it as it seems, he prefers to be out in the open. Pink nipples that seemed to be artistically placed on his slim chest and long legs going up to what would be a sexy bubble butt, are features of my son that I didn't want to dwell on but apparently, it's an inescapable type of knowledge.
I might be a messed up--- other father's wouldn't think twice about something like this. Why was I having this type mental grip on these features of his?
I'd like to think that I'm just a bit sexually frustrated.
It's tough having a son that looks as beautiful as a most females I've actually seen. Being a thirty-four year old single Dad, I haven't had a chance to date any women apart Susan. I believe I haven't aged badly. I do have more laugh lines by my eyes, but some would call that my charm, I guess.
I always kept looking sharp in my suits and well polished shoes. My wavy hair was kept short and on point. So, in others words, I don't think I got butt ugly over the years. Especially with having a son like Jaden who goes a little over board in updating my clothing tastes.
Still though, I find myself quiet protective of him after what happened. I'm not sure he likes it; who wants their parents breathing down their neck? No one. Certainly not me when I was his age.
"Hey Blake. You're early today," Jaden greeted as he stepped into the house.
Giving him a once over, I smiled at him. "I've already done my share of the work, now it's the Production Team's time to shine." As per usual, he came over and gave me a peck on the cheek. This would seem weird for a seventeen years old kid to do, but I didn't find it strange any more. That's just the type of guy Jaden was.
"You know, you're getting too old to be giving your old man kisses right?" I teased him as he walked into the kitchen.
"You don't stop me, so amma kiss you as I please," I heard him say with a faint chuckle in his voice.
"What if one day I start dating again? You're step-mother might get jealous," I threw back with the same teasing tone. More due to curiosity in seeing how he'd respond to me.
Suddenly I heard some thing crash to the floor, and a hissed 'shit' came from Jaden. I rushed into the kitchen to find a glass cup shattered unto the floor and Jaden, who was trying to pick up the pieces with his bare hands, got cut in the process with blood dripping to the ground.
"The hell? Are you okay? Come on. Leave that. I'll do it," I quickly said steering him away from the broken glass on the floor. "What happened?" The cut wasn't deep, but he always did bleed easily. He didn't answer me, but kept looking at his hand. "Jaden are you okay?" I asked concerned.
He looked up at me. Those perfect brown eyes of his, unreadable as they've always been, and tried a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I-I'm okay," then he leaned his small frame into me, like he'd always done, "I was just a little surprised."
"Surprised. Why?"
"Nothing you've got to worry about. You know, I'm probably just tired. I-I'll go take a nap," he mumbled and quickly withdrew his hand from my grip.
"O-oh okay then sport. I'll call you when dinner is ready," I said and gave him peck on the top of his head. He took in a shaky breath before he nodded tiredly. I watched long legs swiftly going up the stairs as if he was trying to run away from something.
My fatherly instincts were kicking in, I worried for him, but unlike with a daughter, boys were probably more difficult to handle. It's in a man's nature to be secretive about his emotions, while females usually wear their emotions on their sleeves. I sighed heavily after Jaden disappeared upstairs, wishing I could be of some actual help. What if that was his actual response to me dating? I'm pretty sure that bringing someone else into our family of two was going to make him nervous.
I'm the only one he seems to be able to touch without him going into a panic attack, and I'm more than happy with that. His hands always felt very warm in mine. He had the built of his mother, so his body naturally fit perfectly in my embrace but there was something more to him.
Even smell was strangely alluring to me.
I mean, I don't think a Dad goes around receiving kisses from their teenage sons. Jaden and I just have somewhat of a different kind of father-son relationship. Now that he's almost legally an adult, it's more of a roommate/friend relationship. If he ever calls me Dad or Father, I might feel strange about it or extremely ecstatic.
I remember during the time he had therapy, it was the absolutely hard to get him in the psychotherapist's office. "No. I don't stay here. I only want Blake to touch me!"
I didn't know myself. Brad said something about Jaden's psyche connecting me with protection or a safe heaven. To be honest, I don't understand much of those psychological mumbo-jumbo, but if Jaden didn't want to be there, I wasn't going to force.
My son was so cute back then, with his puppy eyes, pouty lips; still is when he wants to be too. When he really wants something, and more than likely, knows that I might say no, he pulls a puppy-eyed look that I go weak against. What can I say? I only want to see this kid smiling. That's my one true wish. Just like most parents are, I want him to be happy.
As I took out some stuff out of the refrigerator to start get dinner going, I remember Brad coming to me at one point. He had said, "I know it's none of my business, but aren't you a little too close with Jaden?"
"Well kind of," I had said. "Is that bad for his therapy?"
He had sighed and was thinking about something before just shrugging his shoulders.
Brad had home-schooled Jaden at some point as well. Though mostly under my supervision since Jaden wanted me with him while he was being taught, at least till he was mentally fit to enter high school. Soon he didn't want me anymore in 'class' with him. I'm paranoid enough as it is. If my brother found something important or life threatening when it came to Jaden, I trust him to tell me.
He knew how much Jaden meant to me.
"His attachment to you is unnatural. I think a little distance would make him more independent for when you're not around," he had asked.
Absent-mindedly, I shook my head. "No. He's heading there, in that direction, but I'm his father, I want to be there to support him even if he doesn't want me to," I light heartedly mused. On the inside, I hoped that wouldn't be the case. Jaden was very much different but it could happen; one day he wouldn't need me anymore.
------
"Blake?" I jumped when I heard Jaden's voice behind me.
"You startled me," I said a bit surprise. I had been so deep in thought, that I hadn't heard him enter the kitchen. "Dinner's about ready. Hungry yet?"
"Yeah," he answered quietly.
Taking out the food, we sat around the dinner table. I watched as he took a couple spoonful of food and then begun playing with it distractedly. He only did that when he was thinking about something very important he had to say. "Is there something wrong?" I asked. This was it. I knew he'd want to broach the subject when he had given it some thought.
He looked over at me, and averted his gaze. "D-Did you really mean that?" At my confused expression, he clarified, "I mean, are you really going to start... dating?"
Judging by these weird feelings I've been experiencing, I'd say it'd be about time. You simply can't have a grown ass man, low key ogling at his son on a day to day basis. No matter how beautiful said son might be. It's just not right. "Well, I guess but then, I don't want to bring some one else into our life, if you aren't ready for it."
"So you're saying that you've been ready for it and I've been holding you back? How long were you planning this? Did some one catch your interest for you to want to start dating...?"
"Woah-woah there," I said interrupting him. "I don't have anyone I'm interested in. It's just a thought. I'm a man just like yourself Jaden. Some times, you know, a man needs... uh... man-time."
Jaden's body tensed.
I figured he'd get like that, which was why I'd never brought it up. He was still uncomfortable around people. Especially females, which is why I never questioned why he hadn't gotten a girlfriend yet. "C-can I ... " I could see he was struggling to say something, but then seemed to gave up. "I'm only your son. I have no say over your love life," he finally said. "Thanks for the meal. It was delicious."
The way he said it tugged at my heart. He had barely touched his food. "What do you mean you're only my son? You're my everything. You're opinions counts more than you think Jaden."
"Blake, I'm seventeen. I'm not some seriously jaded child like back then. Whoever you bring into your life, is your business. It's not like I'm the one you'll be sleeping with," he threw over his shoulders.
"Excuse me. What's with that tone?" I called after him.
"Nothing Blake. Nothing at all," he said sarcastically as he bounded up the stairs quickly and effortlessly.
Truth is, I know Jaden was going to be against it in the first place, but things like that don't stay too long on my mind. What's been on my mind has always been Jaden, and in making a decision like this, Jaden was still part of that decision. The one who needs therapy was probably me because normal people don't feel this way right?Then again, I can't possibly confess to my brother that I was probably a bit overly fond of Jaden. Way more than a father should be.
After all, my Jaden was just too beautiful.
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