Jaden's POV
The wind was kissing the back of my neck. I had been sitting outside of my window, on top of the roof smoking a cigarette. It felt so weird having my neck exposed. My head felt lighter and strange without the weight of my hair no longer there. This was Neil's idea of comforting my broken teenage heart.
I was in a really bad state when I arrived at his house and to top it off, I reached at a very bad time. His Mom was in one of her bad moods and going on about somebody from her church, who in her eyes, was being a hypocrite. I wasn't really listening to her ranting. Neil ushered me into his room quickly escaping from his mother to avoid listening to her too.
No sooner were we behind his room door, did I start spilling my guts and tears to and on him. He sat there on his bed quietly listening to me vent as I cried hysterically. Patting my back light, he said, "Well, I did say to prepare yourself for anything. On the bright side, from what I heard, you weren't fully rejected," he mused thoughtfully. "I mean, you had started crying like you did just now, more than likely he wouldn't be able to say no."
Closing my eyes at an attempt to control my breathing, I tried to relax. The tip of my fingers were still tracing my lips absently. Blake's pressure could still be felt as if he'd left an imprint on them. "He gave me back my kiss," I said sadly looking down on my hands.
"That's a pretty cheeky thing you did though," he snickered despite my mood. "Without noticing what you did, you gave him an excuse to kiss you without making him feel guilty about it."
Smiling, I elbowed him lightly as I sighed. "I just wish I didn't feel so... empty about it." A moment of silence passed, and we let it take over for a minute.
But Neil wasn't much for silence. "I know! Let's cut your hair."
"Huh?"
"A make-over," he stated and I grimaced at how girlish that sounded. "Correction: a change of look."
It no time was he chopping off my hair. He did a damn good job of cutting my hair for his first time with a pair of scissors. Although I didn't want to admit it, I had to say that it looked really came out well. During the time I was being groomed, Blake had started to call and I just wouldn't answer. I could see Neil's Mom getting frustrated by the annoying amount of times Blake rang.
"I wonder, if we weren't related, would it go smoother? It's not as if I'm some lawless-killing-boredom kind of kid. I wouldn't do stuff like this if I wasn't serious about it," I said mostly to myself. "I just wish there was a way of showing him."
Neil dusted off the excess hair that had fell on my shoulders and walked into his closet taking out a box. Throwing the box at me, I caught it staring at it strangely. "What's this?" I asked.
"Check it out," he said grinning.
Opening the box, my jaw dropped. "You actually got the DNA Kit? Shit, but the instructions are in German."
"Google translate, my little dramalicious gay friend of mine, but then again, I think you should ask your Uncle to do it for you. It needs to be submitted by an adult," he said. "Plus, I'm curious. Are you really his son? Isn't there some type of gene in our body that makes us naturally reject relatives as possible mates?"
There is but it I've just assumed that I was abnormal person. I don't get it either but I just can't see myself without Blake in my life.
So long story short, that's how I ended up receiving the kit to give to Uncle Brad. Uncle Brad was a life saver all on his own but I feel like I had caught him in a bad mood. He seemed a tad bit off that day when we were talking but by the morning, he was his usual self. What type of problem would this test put me in? Would Blake feel any different of me if he knew I wasn't family?
Then again, I only knew little about Blake's side of the family.
He had described them to be rich snobby people and had once said that they didn't care about anyone except the immediate family. I wondered how true that was. I don't want to get my hopes up, but if the 20% chance of me not even being an Arons ends up being a fact, how will Uncle Brad react for that matter? Although he and I were somewhat close, he still had this conservative aura about him. It's a bit unnerving when he's not acting aloof because it's like he's unapproachable.
It had been a week since my escape. The man was serious about grounding me and here I thought he'd let me off with a warning.
By default, I started noticing some things having changed between us. The difference is so minuscule that it wouldn't be important if it weren't for the fact that, it started to get too troublesome. He begun knocking before coming into my room. Before, he'd usually just barge in. Blake also took a habit of chasing me back into my room if I came down without pants or just in my boxers.
This makes me want to believe that he's at least a bit aware of me. I would let myself believe in the delusion that maybe I could get him to see me in a different light. We don't even sit and have supper together like we use to.He now takes his food up into his room to eat because it was so awkward around the dinner table . When I go in to hug him, he gives me a quick pat before letting go.
He had me so stressed emotionally and because of him being that way, I've been left to my own devices of endearment. Even if he didn't know how to handle the given situation, Blake could've acted less like he was protecting his chastity.
"Jaden, I hope that's not cigarette I'm smelling," I hear Blake yell from behind my room door.
"It's weed," I yelled back still sitting outside on the roof.
I hear him scoff. "If you're going to choose a poison, I rather you smoke weed than cigarettes," he added before I heard him walking away.
If I was going to choose a real poison, I'd choose you, I thought mockingly inside my head.
Blake was being unnecessarily difficult at the time. He doesn't know how to look at me. I know this from the occasional glances I felt from him when he thought I wasn't looking; but unfortunately for him, I'm always looking. My eyes always followed Blake. That's just how it's been. The only difference is that now, I am semi-allowed to look at him as much as I'd want.
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For instance, yesterday was very hot; a little over hundred degrees. I could see the sweat dripping off of Blake as I sat planted on the couch right in front of the window with a book in my hand. I wasn't even reading the book, just staring blankly into the page. He had just reached home from work. I was tempted to place a kiss on his stubbly cheek but I knew how he'd react. I could see how hot he felt.
"Why don't you strip off that hot shirt?" I had said not breaking eye contact with the book page. "I might be doomed to endure this heat fully clothed but I don't remember you having to."
He stood there for a second as if actually thinking about it. "I'm not that hot."
"Yes, you are," I replied with a small smirk on my lips, but I dared not look at him in the face.
I see Blake shaking his head from my peripheral vision. "I meant the heat, Jaden," he stated as he loosened his tie, shaking off my flirtatious comment.
Looking up, I made like I didn't know what he was talking about. "I was referring to the heat too. What else did you think I was referring to?"
He narrowed his eyes at me, hands on his waist and said, "You little... If it's so hot for you too, then go take a bath," and head into the kitchen.
Getting up off of the chair, I was halfway up the stairs but I couldn't leave before teasing Blake one last time for the night. "You're right. Now that you've walked in smelling like sweat, I might just need to go cool my hot head; though it may or may not be because of the heat," I chuckled before rushing up the stairs.
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Fine.
You could say that I wasn't making this easy for him, but he wouldn't even have supper with me. What's a guy supposed to do? Desperate majors. I wondered if he realized what he was doing? I'm more worried now that it's going to be too much for him to try and process. I haven't really been pushing the issue, but only leaving a one or two comments here and there would ease him up a bit. My intention isn't to fluster him. It's hard to try to be seen as just a possible partner when I'm already just a son.
His attitude has just been so tiring lately.
Suddenly, my door burst open and Blake comes storming into my room. Popping his head through the window, he sees me sitting right on the roof and narrowed his eyes at me. Taking my cigarette, he blotted it before flicking it away.
"Well that was rude of you," I stated peering down to where it fell.
"No. Rude is you smoking under my roof," he replied.
"I'm not under your roof. I'm outside, on top of your roof," I corrected.
"Really? Are we really going to be like this?" he asked exasperatedly.
Crawling back into my room, I threw myself on the bed. "You're the one being strange. You won't even look at me these days," I stated a little depressed. By the Gods, I sounded so needy.
"Don't pulled that pouty puppy-dog face on me. It won't work work this time. You're the one being a little fiend. How am I suppose to react when you keep trying to... keep trying to..."
"... get with you?" I finished for him. "I like you. Of coarse I'm going to throw you a little something-something here and there. Seriously, haven't you had any hard feelings for someone that you couldn't tell?"
"I've only been with your mother. Plus, I had different problems to deal with at your age," he explained folding his arms across his chest, and leaning casually against my dresser.
"I just feel.. ugh... " I groaned into my pillow. What I wanted to convey to him was far too embarrassing to say. I hid my face in the pillow, and took in a deep breath. Peering up, staring at the same dresser he was leaning on, I willed myself some good old courage. For him to take me seriously, I must be honest... right?
" Now that you know how I feel, it's like a big weight has been lifted of of me. Whether you pretend that it happened or not, I'm just glad that I was able to convey it to you. Plus, sometimes I can't control the urge to tease you because you're currently being so mean to me."
I was still staring at the dresser, sensing his blank expression from where I was. I quickly sat up and fiddled with a pillow. My face was starting to turn red as he just stood there saying nothing. I wanted to shout at him just to get a reaction out of him but he was gonna find a way to escape me as he usually did.
"You don't have to stand there, you know," I mumbled feeling my veins icing over inside me. "It's not as if I'm asking you to say anything but do you perhaps...hate that I feel this way for you? If you so, you should just say so instead of discretely brushing me off like some downtown prostitute."
From the corner of my eye, I see him scratch his head and he exhaled loudly. Finally finding the courage to look up, I could see his green eyes dark and mysterious. His cheeks were lightly colored by red but it was probably because he kept rubbing at his face tiredly.
"This is very troublesome to me too, you know. For one, I know now that the 'being your father' thing doesn't stop you from hitting on me every chance you get. I don't know what I did wrong for you to start feeling this way."
"You did nothing wrong! Why would I love you like this, if you had?" I corrected still staring at him.
How much time was he going to exhale before making a decision. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he straightened up and seemed as if he was about to head to the door. He wasn't even going to answer me. Weakly, I felt my shoulders slump, and my hopes starting to crumble. If he doesn't want to lead me on, wouldn't it be best to tell me straight out?
His footsteps were light as they came walking towards me, and I felt his arms embrace me. It had been so long since he hugged me that I almost started crying. They were arms that I've always wanted around me, and now I couldn't feel happy about it. His warmth felt so cold this time and I couldn't find it in me to returned this hug of Blake's. He should've made it clear that he doesn't want this. There was no yes or no or maybe from him. I didn't know where I stood.
"I'm sorry Jaden, if only I..." he stopped himself and gave me a peck on the head. "Try and get some sleep okay," he said gently.
His attitude was more like he was avoiding the matter, and that hurt more than just being flat out rejected. It was like my feelings didn't matter enough to even be considered. It was far more painful that I had expected.
All he's doing now is killing me with his kindness.
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