I held onto Will entirely consumed in my thoughts. What was it about Atlas that caused me to lose all sense of myself? Even now, when I'm not even in front of him I still feel him. It was making my heart hurt. Not having much experience in this department, I wonder if this is normal; to be so drawn to someone you feel like you're drowning.

When the engine cut off I looked up, expecting to see my house, but instead was met with the lighthouse. I should have realized that something was up when it took a while. But I was too deep into my mind to really notice.

"Why are we here?" I asked in sign. Given my expression, I was pretty sure he knew what I said without actually understanding.

"You seemed out of it ever since you returned,” he said as he removed himself from his bike after me. “So I thought I'd bring you back here. Somewhere quiet you know?” Then he added, "and I made sure Anna wasn't going to be here." He winked after he spoke. Surprisingly I was a bit sad about that. It would have been nice to see her and even nicer to watch him get embarrassed again.

I followed him up the lighthouse. It wasn't so packed today, probably due to the weather, which was starting to look a bit angry. We sat instead of stood this time, just staring in silence. He was right, it was quiet; nice. I was beginning to feel more myself again. The image of him and all that had been accompanied with it were gone with just one exuberant exhale.

I touched his arm to get his attention, which had been fixed intently out in the direction of the ocean for a while now. When his eyes met mine, a feeling of complete bliss swept over me. I was content here and it felt amazing. His gaze was pleasant and relaxing. It was nothing like the strong uncontrollable force that I always seemed to feel when Atlas would. I didn't feel like I completely lost myself with Will.

"Thank you," I finally signed.

"It's nothing. You feel better, though right?" I smiled and nodded, returning my attention back out to the watery horizon. I did feel better. The best I have felt all week. He sighed, stretching his arms over head. "It's nice up here."

I never wished as hard as I did right now that I could express myself with my own voice. I wanted to tell him that he always had a knack for seeming to know just what I need. I wanted to tell him that I always feel at ease around him, happy even.

"I am curious though, you know? After as long as you spent with him, I expected you to come out with a smile or something." I gave a breathy chuckle and shook my head as I reached into my pocket for my phone.

"It was the strangest experience I have ever experienced." And that was putting it lightly.

“Was he not what you were expecting?” The smile I had slowly fell into a frown.

“Not at all. The boy I remember was full of life. The boy now is stand offish and hard to read. And when he looks me at me...” I sent the unfinished message as the deep blue eyes thudded back into my mind. My whole body clenched at the unexplainable emotions ran back through me all at once. 

“When he looks at you...?” Will repeated, obviously wanting me to continue. I could see him observing me through out of my peripheral as I stared distantly at my phone. Where do I even begin to try and explain what happened with him?

There seemed to be so much more to Atlas that I probably would never understand. And when I even try to piece together the daze, it only makes my head hurt. I can only remember his eyes and how I felt, that’s it. I don’t know if we spoke, I don’t know if I did anything physically, I could recall nothing.