I just don't know how to react to things anymore. It's either I'm going to overreact, or completely not react at all. It's something the world has taught me. Even though aliens start landing and blasting people in the US of A, you need to keep rolling. The world isn't going to be waiting for you.
It's just going to bowl you over, and when you try to recover, it's going to reverse and knock you down again.
World's crazy like that. Why not just let bygones be bygones?
Just like what happened today. Karma's one hell of a bitch. Either that, or luck really wants to just piss on me today.
Ah hell, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be expecting a sermon from you in the next letter. Like, you suddenly developed a "bad feelings from Elliot" sensor that automatically pings when I send you something to the tune of this.
Sometimes, I don't even want to send anything to you anymore…
Joking aside, it's just real bad.
I should probably start at the beginning. Way, way, way before I met you.
Back then, I used to have a pretty nice girlfriend. Name was Beatrice. Beatrice F. Castella. She had all the assets in the right places, and she was smoking gorgeous, especially in those oversized hoodies she always wore. She was a bombshell, and I knew it the first time I laid my eyes on her back when.
And being the nice guy that you know, I tried to win her affections. Started with little things at first, like helping her out in homework, or being a shoulder to lean on during tough times.
And then the lines between relationship and friendship blurred and moved closer and then suddenly I didn't know where I was.
You know that feeling when you're in a familiar place you've been in all your life, but then everything just twisted and poof, you don't know where you are?
But then she wasn't. She looked like she was familiar to where this was going, and was willing to take the next step.
I didn't know what to do. For the first time in a long while, I was lost.
Everything seemed so unfamiliar to me. The atmosphere, how everyone treated me…in the hallways, the rooms, the cafeteria, everything felt the same but different in some incredibly diverse way.
I don't know. Something broke.
It's like I was seeing the world in a lens, and it broke, with the fragments landing everywhere, blinding me as well.
I couldn't see anything.
And then everything happened after that.
In retrospect, I should've adapted better. Could've grasped the scenario better. Would've saved myself a whole lot of trouble.
Should've, could've, and would've. The Three Horsemen of Regret.
After my entire…debacle with Beatrice, everything started falling apart as well.
And here I am.