More than two hours' trip took us to one of the mountains outside the borders of Kai and our carriage was escorted by my father's men. During the trip I slept at my mother's lap but I was awakened by the sudden change of temperature. Oddly, the cold swept away as we ascended to the top of the mountain where I expected it to be colder. I took my coat off and peered outside the carriage's window. I gasped as I gazed at the sight of thousand lanterns hanging from the trees and paper lanterns floating away from the temple atop the mountain. I watched as the soldiers carried our carriage to a flight of stairs between grottos and large oak trees.

"Is this the astral realm?" I asked my mother, never taking my eyes off the lights and decorations. Many people had also traveled to the mountain and many were walking up the steps, together with their loved ones.

"No, this is called the Mohotori Mountain, and on top is the Palace of Yi Qi. It is the only place in the land of the mortals where the astrals and humans meet to hold thanksgiving banquets and feasts to commemorate the gods."

Despite the festivity that we will be indulging ourselves in, I looked intently at my mother who still had that lonely look on her face and my father wasn't too excited either. I wondered what my mother had said earlier, is she really going to die soon? I can only hope for the best that any god in the astral realm can heal her.

A few more minutes and we found ourselves facing a large entrance to the Palace of Yi Qi. I followed as my parents stepped out of the carriage and a man in very fancy robes opened the doors for us. I took a deep breath, my first time to meet the astrals and to be outside palace walls. I was excited that I was actually standing on the tip of my toes.

"Announcing the arrival of his highness, King Shin Oh-Rin of the Kai Kingdom together with his wife, goddess Yoriko of the Hisei Lake and daughter, Shin Rin-Ha.

Goddess?

I stopped in my tracks and looked at the man who announced our names, did he make a mistake when calling out my mother's title. All my life I'd known her as Yoriko Hisei but not as the goddess of the Hisei Lake. She looked back at me and smiled as if nothing was wrong, an assuring smile that made my inner self calm down and regain my composure but at the back of my mind, I was confused and curious.

Everyone looked at us in shock, but as the six-year old me had only lived inside the castle walls, I fairly did not understand the position we were in. Slowly, the crowd returned to chatting away and we were led to our seats in the longest dining table I've ever seen. My awe with everything I see was never ending, the marble floors and pillars, the large windows adorned with colorful stained glass, the drapery and the glittering golden utensils in front of me. Everything was indeed fit for a god.

I looked around, everyone wore majestic clothing but one this was common, all the astrals had hair as black as night, including my mother. I asked permission to wander around the banquet hall, my parents both agreed and reminded me to return to the table before dinner starts.

"Take care, Rin-ha. And be polite to everyone, alright?" my mother reminded me and I nodded. "Tell me again when someone asks you, what is your name?"

"I am Shin Rin-ha, sole princess of the Kai throne, daughter of King Shin Oh-Rin and Queen Yoriko."

"Perfect. Now, off you go but don't stray outside the palace..." my mother smiled before covering her mouth to cough. She may have tried to hide it, but I can clearly see the blood on her snow white handkerchief. I looked at her who started talking to the other guests, laughing and smiling as if nothing was wrong.

I walked and walked, gathering whispers as I go. The astrals were all beautiful, they were all flawless and stood with pride. They reminded me of the sakura tree that stood in our garden, I then realized how annoyed I was with their power, pride and confidence. Many people in the land of the mortals were dying of famine but gods get what they want and throw banquets like this to show off their high status. I slowly sunk into a mixed emotion of anger and disgust.

"So that's Lady Yoriko's daughter."

"A half-breed, how fascinating."

"How can Lady Yoriko show herself to the astrals. She chose to live with the humans, where did she get the confidence to show her face?"

"Poor king, marrying a goddess who no longer has an astral position."

"Goddesses who step on human soil die early."

I cannot count how many times I've heard mean things that the astrals have said about me and my mother. I've started to piece the things together and it was really unfair. It was unfair that my parents have not told me anything, it was unfair that my mother pretended everything is alright. As the words of negativity echoed more and more into my head, I started to cry and I ran, I ran as far as I can from the crowd. My mind went blank until I found myself staring at the moon.

Outside. I am outside the palace and in a garden of cherry blossom trees. I hate it so much. My heart was heavy, was it a good choice even attending this banquet? What did my mother want when she asked me to join her here? I sat down and hid myself in a rose bush, and found myself with plenty of cuts in the arms because of the thorns, but I did not care. I cried continuously until I can no longer feel my face.

"Why are you crying?"

A voice snapped me out of my daze. I looked up and a silhouette was in front of me. His face was hidden behind a mask with long horns and a face of a fox. His robes were not as exquisite as the ones I saw inside and his hair... it was as white as winter. I rubbed my eyes to get a better glimpse of the owner of the voice that will soon become a soothing sound to me. He crouched down and looked at me, even behind the mask, I know he stared at my puffy red face.

I pulled myself in a tighter area inside the rose bush and we both heard my robe tear from the thorns. "Leave me alone." I whispered and buried my face into my knees. Suddenly, I felt to hands grab my arms and pull me out of the roses, I stumbled into him and we both fell on the ground. My eyes stared at him, puzzled.

"Why were you crying?" he asked again.

"Nothing, I just had something in my eye." I told him, wiping my tears away. I got off him and sat at the ground, watching him pat off the dirt from his dull-colored robes.

"Are you also an astral?" I asked him curiously. "Why are you here outside the palace?"

"I-- I don't really know myself." he replied in a very low voice.

"I am Shin Rin-ha, what's your name?"

"I don't have a name."

I scratched my head. A person without a name? He must be silly, I told myself. I stood up and looked around. As much as I wanted to be inside and join the merry-making and the music, my heart was heavy and I was so close to collapsing, my head spun and I was covered in cuts. The moon shone brightly, and more stars had greeted my little eyes hello as the night deepens. The sky was amazing, if only the sakura trees weren't in the way.

"You too, are you not an astral?" the mysterious fellow asked.

"I am not, I am the sole princess of Kai kingdom."

"I see. Good for you..."

Even with his mask on, I was able to feel the loneliness in him. I looked at his physique, he looked older than me but he was skinny, five to eight years ahead of me perhaps. He had bruises on his arms and his clothes were worn out and dull. I felt sorry for him, and I even wanted to apologize for thinking that he was an astral being.

"Please do not feel sorry for me." I was surprised with his words. It was as if he had clearly read my mind. I scratched the back of my head, feeling ashamed and worried for him. "My mother," he added, "She is a goddess."

"Then why aren't you inside?"

"Why aren't you?"

I pouted, he was returning my questions back at me. I gave up and decided to return inside so I grabbed his hand and pulled him to follow me back into the palace. He was hesitating hard to the point that he was wriggling his wrist to free from my grasp.

"It's cold out here and your mother might be looking for you." I scolded him.

"I can't go in there, I mean, look at me." he whispered.

Indeed, his hair was unkempt and was very peculiarly white. He wore an odd horned mask that looked like a demon's face from my father's storybooks and his clothes would make him look like an errand boy. I sighed and realized that I needed to help him look better to convince him in coming with me inside the palace.

"I have a plan then."

"Huh?"

I started removing two layers of my robe and threw them at his direction, luckily enough, he was able to catch them, puzzled why a young princess would strip in the middle of a garden. And because the servants were able to wrap my waist in two long cloths, I gave him one of my sashes.

"Wear them, quick." I commanded, laughing at this little ruckus I was making just to bring this stranger inside the banquet. I had no fixed reasons why I wanted him to be there but I guess a child will always see the good in anything and everything and at that moment, I wanted him to be happy. I smiled at my successful plan of covering his old clothes with my robes which in fact left me chilling from the night's breeze.

"Are you sure this is alright?" he asked, shy and embarrassed.

"Yes and I also need to fix your hair!" I excitedly replied. His tone showed how surprised he was but I was willing to finish this childish mission of mine. "My mother said that the astrals will always keep their hair neat, proper and adorned with accessories and jewels, it's their pride, so I want to help you become proud too!"

"Then please, do."

Beneath the rose bushes we sat, with only the light of the moon to help me see in the dark. I pulled several ribbons and pins from my hair and with the help of a comb I've always kept in my small linen pouch, I managed to detangle his messy hair. It was my first time to fix someone else's hair and it was also a first for me to see white hair, it was enchanting. For the duration of my trial and error, the masked boy kept quiet and sat still, and despite my clumsiness that resulted in me pulling out some strands from his head, he remained silent and never did complain.

"There!" I cheered as I handed him a small mirror. "I don't know if it suits you but it's my first time and I---"

"It's perfect." his shaking voice replied. I watched him look through the mirror, thinking that it may actually be the first that he saw himself in a mirror. I watched him and saw tears drop from behind his mask, he started to cry. "This is... perfect." he whispered in between sobs. His hand raised to touch his hair, traveling from the braided side to the ornaments and towards my little gift for him.

"A damselfly." I told him.

"Damselfly?"

"It symbolizes acceptance."

Behind his mask, I can feel he was smiling and so I gave him the smile I had always kept to myself. "Listen, I'm not giving you that, it's very precious. I'm just lending it to you so you have to promise to meet me after the banquet to return that hairpin."

"It's a promise."

"You already look like an astral." I told him. "Then, why not complete the image and remove your mask?" I asked, assuring him that everything will be alright even without the mask.

He took a deep breath and untied the knot from the back of his head and slowly, he lowered his mask, his defenses, his walls. The moon and the stars made his silvery-white hair glow as it danced in the wind, and his face, as pale as his hands was revealed when the sound of the ceramic mask hit the stones underneath our feet. And with the shattering of the mask, my heart skipped a beat.

My eyes grew a fraction wide and I was holding my breath. In front of me stood a boy whose face was as beautiful and as mysterious as a winter fox. He slowly opened his eyes and my cerulean orbs met the yellowest eyes I've ever scene. It was luminous and as bright as the lunar entity above us, his eyes half open and slanted just like a fox and under his eyes were streaks of red stains on his face. He was just like a doll, with white lashes hiding his gaze and his palid cheeks turning red as his eyes finally met mine.

"Do I... scare you, princess?"

I was at loss for words. I wanted to tell him how beautiful he was but my voice failed me. I tried to make out phrases or even an expression but all I could do was to shake my head to let him know he was not a monster. After all these time, there was a gem hidden behind that demon mask.

I stared at him and held his hand. I cherished the moment that I've met him in an unexpected circumstance, but as the sweet fruits turn sour and time always run out, I found myself seeing the silhouette of my father looking for me at the palace balcony. I've always remembered how his loud voice made me skip and stumble to run and meet him but as I departed the garden of cherry blossoms and roses, the warmth from which my hand was holding the snow-haired boy faded.

I looked back at him who could only wave me goodbye with a bitter smile. The fragrant smell of roses finally faltered and my eyes could only see the pink petals from the sakura trees fall. I waved him back goodbye and thought of a good excuse for losing my robes but as I approached my father, his face was dark and blank. I knew at that moment, something was wrong and everything was falling apart. I turned my head, he was gone and I felt a strong grasp on my hand to which my father forcefully pulled me to follow him back to our carriage.

"Are we leaving?"

"We must."

"Where is mother?"

My father had not replied my question, I was taking short and quick breaths. My fears may be coming true, I was losing her... or have I already lost her? I tried going out of the carriage and in a glimpse, I saw my mother in the crowd, looking back at me in the saddest expression I could ever imagine.

"Father, what is going on?" I cried. Slowly, the doors to the palace closed, little by little, my mother's image was lost in the sea of people. I heard my father's men commence our departure and my final memory that night was my loud banging on the carriage door. My father had sat still, watching me break my little bones in my struggle to break free from the carriage. I cried, I cried harder than I could ever cry before. I cannot understand anything that was happening and all I could feel was the need to embrace my mother. As the carriage passed a rocky path, I lost my balance and fell into a deep sleep.

I could only dream of my mother's face.

A goddess.

An astral.

Betrayal.

The next thing I knew, I was sitting on my bed back at the palace, watching dawn from my bedroom window and listening to the panicked voice of the palace workers. They were all grieving because of a message that had arrived at the palace and that message was the last nail to be hammered to turn my life around. A funeral was prepared because my mother had died on the last day of winter, but nobody knows that my soul had died on the first day of spring.