I swung the door to our apartment open and walked into a pile of mail. The air was thick with his scent and tears brimmed in my eyes. I’d cried myself to sleep for two nights at the hospital and had to be sedated twice. With shaky hands, I shut the door and slumped onto the floor, pushing the mail in front of me. My eyes fell on a baby-blue envelope that I recognized from Todd’s desk and I quickly reached for it, ripping it open and ever so gently taking the thick folded paper out.

Dearest Kathleen,

My chest instantly tightened and my lips quivered uncontrollably as I carefully took in his neat penmanship that was now slightly faint and somewhat strained.

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. I know. I promised to fight but Kathleen, there was no point in the end. I could feel my body slowly shutting down and no matter how hard I tried to smile, nothing seemed worthwhile. Nothing seemed to work Kathleen. Don’t blame Doctor Patel, I’m the one who made the decision to end things before I was worn out and merely a burden, connected to machines and endless tubes to stay alive.

Kathleen, I want you to move out. Get yourself another apartment and move on. Move to the city or even a different country and don’t look back. There is nothing left for you in my world. I’m gone. You’re finally free. I arranged to have my things burnt in the next two days. It’s selfish, I know, but you need to force yourself to forget me.

And I’m sorry I never came home that night. I guess you don’t have to stay up all night anymore waiting up for me till 2am. 

I shouldn't be writing this! I should be leaving you with meaningful last words and  anecdotes of our marriage-life together yet, here I am. 

Promise me this Kathleen, don’t go looking for me. I’m gone. Let me remain gone.

Be free Wild Bird.

Yours,

Todd (Sweet pea).

"Be free..." I murmured as a tear found its way down my left cheek.