I had been to a carnival once before. My father had taken Kathryn and I one month before he died. I was only four when we visited the spectacle and surprisingly enough, the memory is still clear in my mind. It was a carnival someplace far away and at the time it seemed colossal in comparison to me, despite the fact it must have been tiny compared to the one before me now. The walls surrounding the perimeter veered far out of sight and the flags and tall buildings drew me closer. I was excited, of course, but also nervous. I never disobey Mother, and I almost never go to places alone.

There were two wide gates, one labeled entrance and the other, exit. Both were open, and several people in uniform stood around the gates, clearly keeping watch. I approached, and a female worker’s eyes flashed towards me. I clutched the small sack of coins I kept attached to my belt, ready to pay the entrance fee. “Hello,” I said to the woman softly, “how much does it cost to enter?”

“Free of charge.” said the woman. She squinted at me, suddenly I felt extremely self conscious. The woman had a raspy voice and black hair that contrasted with her fair skin tied neatly into long pigtails. She was wearing a shiny name tag, with “Bonnie” printed on it. She lifted a roll of tickets from the ground next to her and ripped two off. One contained the words “ADMIT ONE” in bold font, and the other had a series of numbers. “Keep both,” she explained, “one is for you to have inside, the other is for a raffle later on. Maybe you’ll be lucky,”

“Thank you,” I smiled, took the pair of tickets and entered the carnival.

It was a new world. The dullness of my everyday life was painfully explicit as I was surrounded on all sides by color and excitement. There were rows of game stalls and rides, and visitors ran through them, smiling and laughing. It seemed all negativity was sucked out of this place. I didn’t think of Mother or my nerves, I only grinned at the tents and lights.

“Would you like a map?” A man asked, after he saw me standing fixed a few feet past the entrance. He was a handsome, older man with dark skin and a bright, friendly smile. He was carrying a large wicker basket overflowing with hand drawn paper maps.

“Yes, please! Mister-” I read his name tag, “Theo,”

“Here you are,” Theo smiled, and handed me one of the sheets. I examined it carefully in order to memorize the locations and when I looked up again, Theo was still staring intently at me. “Would you like a map?”

I lifted my eyebrows and cocked my head, then lifted the map I was holding. “I, uh, have one,” I smiled and he smiled back. “But thanks,”

“Have a great day,” he smiled. I looked away and moved forward, navigating my way through the carnival based on memory of the map. I couldn’t help but think about my strange interaction as I walked. I was incredibly introverted, and really only spent time with people when my sister forced me. It was very possible I just didn’t know how people conversed. Or maybe he had short term memory loss. I felt guilty at my reaction to his mistake.

Now was not the time to think about that, however. I walked passed an area for children, with a small ride and a ball pit. Children ran and screamed with joy around the area and it brought a smile to my face. Next, I found myself walking past rows and rows of carnival games. A man in a bright orange stall gestured for me to come forward and I obeyed. “Step right up!” he exclaimed as I did. The game before me was one I’d seen before. There were pyramids of milk bottles and I had to knock them down with some heavy throwing balls. Roughly stitched stuffed animals hung above me, as incentive to win. “One coin for three balls!” the man yelled in his hammy voice.

I carefully lifted a coin out of my pouch and slid it across the counter. I wanted to win one of the animals for my sister as a belated wedding present. The man slid three balls over to me as promised, and I winded my arm back to throw the first. It missed, landing several inches from the pyramid, and I flushed with embarrassment. It wasn’t often I participated in activities requiring aim. “Ohh, that’s alright!” the man yelled, “Two more, try again! Try again!”

I winded up again, this time closing one eye in an attempt to aim better. I lunged forward with the throw, and two bottles tumbled to the ground with a clang, leaving four. I smiled proudly as the man announced, “There you go! One more, let’s see it!” I lifted the final ball and weighed it in my hand. I thought of my sister, and how she couldn’t come because of her new married life. Perhaps a gift from the fair would lighten her mood. I didn’t think this time. I shut my eyes and heaved the ball. When I heard a clang, I looked up and found that I had won. My mouth shot open and I squealed with joy.

“Oh, that’s a shame!” the man yelled, “Try again next time,”

“What?” I asked as my previous excitement drained from my body. “But I knocked them all down! I won!” I objected.

“One coin to play, step right up!” the man offered.

“I already payed one coin. I played and I won!” I raised my voice.

He ignored me and looked past me into the crowd of people walking around. “Come on, come all, knock down the pyramid and you win! One coin to play!”

My face scrunched and I tightened my fists. “You, sir, are a major JERK!” I yelled at him. He didn’t even look at me, making me all the more infuriated. I turned to the people walking by. “No one play this game! It’s a scam!” I yelled. A few people turned in her direction, then kept walking. “Yeah!” I turned to him, “You see that, you’re losing business!”

“Come one, come all! One coin to play!”

I shook I head and stomped away, after seeing that I was scammed and I was making no progress. This man was simply bad, and there was nothing I could do to change that. I thought of what my sister would do. Katheryn would make a scene, or at least more of one then me. She would likely take her coin back and a stuffed animal as well. She wouldn’t stand for the unfairness, and I was frustrated at myself for letting it go. But Kat wanted me to enjoy this little adventure, and I couldn’t do that if I stayed here to yell at this impossible man.

I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm down. I was going to enjoy this for Kat. I continued walking, and found myself at the base of a merry go round. It was brightly colored, and soft music emanated from it, lulling me into a calm state. I got in line, appreciating that it was one of the softer rides. I definitely couldn’t find the courage to go on something bigger like the ferris wheel. Eventually, the line caught up to me, and I sat on one of the metal horses. It’s paint was chipping with age, but there was still beauty in its metallic build. I held onto the golden pole rising above my eggshell stallion, and sat silently as it rotated and horse bounced. The ride ended before long, and I thanked the employee running it. That was a good experience to tell Kat, though I knew Kat would think it was unbelievably boring.

I continued exploring, looking for something Katheryn would find more exciting. Like the Hall of Mirrors. The building was average sized, though I couldn’t see it all from where I stood. The entrance was amusing, with lots of zany colors and designs, crossing and clashing. There were a set of double doors kept wide open and leading into the first room and I clutched my locket, giving me the courage to go forward, and I stepped inside.

The first room got darker the further I walked from the sunny entrance, and there were only regular mirrors. I examined myself quickly in them, not wanting to seem vain, but also wanting to check on my real appearance before I moved continued into the whimsy beyond. Some blonde hair was starting to free itself from my tight braid and I couldn’t help but notice every flaw in my body. Before I was considering the thought of being married off soon, much like my sister, but now, looking at myself, I couldn’t imagine someone being with me. I was not tall, curvy and beautiful like my sister. My body had little to offer and my face was average at best. I sighed and moved forward, hoping that the mirrors with effects would improve my appearance.

The next room was filled with mirrors of all shapes and sizes. It was like a maze where all the walls were mirrors, making the space look infinite and confusing. I saw hundreds of myself, looking confused and weary as I took only right turns, a strategy to help prevent me from getting lost. The room was dimly lit and I was unsettled by it, especially because there seemed to be a lack of people in here compared to the rest of the fair. I decided while I walked that once I escaped the Hall of Mirrors, I would stop by the gift shop to get Katheryn a small souvenir, then return home. Without Katheryn nagging at me to stay, I was growing tired of being out.

I escaped the maze, finally, and the next room was the last. It was the effect mirrors. I laughed at how some made me appear. One made me much taller and my shoulders broader, like a large man, and another made me shorter with wide hips like a gnome. All the distortions were amusing, and I spent more time laughing at the strange images of myself than I would like to admit. The exit was on the side wall and I passed through it, happy to once again be out in the open.

The gift shop was near the exit of the carnival and inside was many different oddities. There were things that were clearly references to the live shows put on throughout the day, like stuffed bears dressed as magicians, or exotic animals in uniform. I felt a shed of regret for not staying long enough to witness one of the shows, but it wasn’t quite enough to convince me to go back. There were snow globes on display, with a colorful big top being the centerpiece and glitter falling onto it in the dense liquid.

I grabbed one of the snowglobes and walked to the counter where a merchant was looking at me, waiting for the sale. I set the souvenir on the counter and the woman slipped it into an appropriately sized burlap sack. “Three coins,” she said. I fished three coins out of my pouch and set them onto the counter, then grabbed the sack. “Thank you, have a nice day,” the woman said.

“You too,” I smiled. I left the gift shop feeling satisfied with my short visit and contentedly walked towards the exit. As I approached the pearly gates, however, something caught my eye. On the wall separating the entrance and exit, a black and white portrait looked far too familiar for coincidence. I ran towards it to get a closer look then grabbed my locket, scrambling to peel apart the two halves. I stared at the tiny pictures of them smiling towards me, and then at the framed portrait on the wall. Without a doubt, it was my grandparents.