“You know, I almost wonder if they made the fire alarm test today just to get rid of the kids. There was the fight, and then the freshman giving blowjobs, and then the congested hallways because the new building hasn’t been finished yet –I bet the entire school staff is ready to quit on the first day –”

It was here that Evan remembered why he called Jade deaf. He doesn’t stop running his mouth. Evan tried to squeeze in a word or two in, but Jade kept going, as if he didn’t even hear him.

Evan wanted to talk to him, badly. The last hour of the day at set him off course, and he could feel his brain scrambling to put the pieces together. Even worse, he kept seeing that girl, and even though he was distracted by his friends, he kept seeing her. In the windows of cars. Standing on the sidewalk. In the middle of the crowd. Everywhere, he saw a blue dress.

Evan was beginning to get dizzy.

“This has been the craziest first day of school that I have ever had, wouldn’t you agree?”

Evan nodded, sweat beading at his temples. His entire body felt like it was burning to a crisp, and he took hold of his collar.

Jade suddenly grabbed his arm, a concerned look painting his features. “Evan, are you alright?”

“Y-yeah! I-I’m good.” He could see the girl in blue behind him, vaguely.

Jade wasn’t fooled. He may be deaf, tone-deaf, but he wasn’t blind. “Evan, man, sit down, I don’t want you collapsing on me.”

“No. I just need to go home.” It sounded like a plea.

Jade’s green eyes softened. Evan felt tears threatening, tears of frustration, tears of fear, and he would not allow anyone to comfort him but his home. He tore out of Jade’s grasp, running out of the crowd, running towards his bus.

He came inside, sat in row six, and cried silently. What was happening to him?

He had always made it a point to count his hours and plan his day carefully in order to avoid bad things. To avoid being called names. To avoid failing or becoming a failure or making the wrong impressions on people. But here he was, at the end of the first day of sophomore year sobbing his eyes out because he can’t behave like a normal fucking human being.

Matt appeared, a frown on his usually chill face.

“Damn man, they should have let you go home early.” Matt sat next to him, patting his back softly. “Nobody gave you trouble in sixth, did they?”

Evan tried to answer, only to be choked with more sobs. He couldn’t understand. He was in a story, right? So, by now, he should understand what everything means, right? But right then, Evan didn’t understand anything. He didn’t understand why he was existing or why this girl in blue was following him around and putting him through a mental torture. Evan tried to think of what evil thing he did in his past life to deserve this off-balance reality where he felt mildly uncomfortable everywhere and obsessed over organizing and time and everything so much –

He hit his wrist against the side of the bus, hard. Matt flinched when he heard a crack.

Tears fell silently as Evan examined his wrist. It turned a light purple.

“Evan, no! What are you doing to yourself? Do you think hurting yourself will solve anything?”

Evan shook his head, vision turning blurry again. Matt only looked like hair and colors, his form blurring into an obscure shape.

“I-It stops the thoughts, for a bit. L-like shocking myself.”

Matt took his bruised hand into his, frowning. “Dude, seriously, talk to me. Stop thinking so much. And… hitting yourself.”

“I am talking.” Evan didn’t answer to the second or third statement since he always thought too much. And he always hit himself, to stop the flood of thoughts from overwhelming him.

Evan curled up, folding his body inwards like closing a pop-up book. He only wished to go home, to sleep until the year was over. Homework be damned.

Matt patted him, but Evan tensed under his fingers, until eventually Matt stopped. Friends can’t solve this problem.

He just wanted to be home.