I spaced out during the drive to the movie theater. I remember handing Liam money for my ticket, but the entire time I was struggling to stop the downward spiral of bad memories. My body gave a sudden jump when Liam’s hand threaded into my own. Still a bit startled, I glanced at our joined hands and directed my attention to the other man. Though the theater was dark, I could see his hesitant smile. He lifted our hands, pressing a soft kiss to the back of mine, and my heart skipped a beat.

I fought down a blush and began to focus on the movie trailers and the movie itself. The movie was about an unlikely pair of friends that ended up joining forces to help solve a CIA case. We both rather enjoyed it, and I found myself laughing more than a few times. For dinner, I managed to convince him to grab some fast food. We ate our fill and continued to talk about the movie and the anticipation of a sequel on the way back. Liam didn’t mention Kris once, for which I was grateful.

It was just past 8PM when we got back. As we reached the driveway of my house, I felt the need to give him an explanation. “Listen, Liam…” I began nervously. “Kris, he really did a number on me several years ago. We were on and off for three years before I was transferred into our current company.” I bit my lower lip and frowned. “I didn’t expect to see him. He’s always given me trouble…I should have…”

My breathing became shallow and shaky. My siblings told me time and time again to get a restraining order. But, since Kris finally left town, I didn’t see the need to go that far. Would he start showing up again after having seen Liam?

I must have looked like I was getting ready to hyperventilate, because Liam reached over to gently squeeze my shoulder.

“Hey, it’s ok.” He said as he shifted his head enough to look into my eyes. “You don’t want to get back together with him, do you?”

I immediately shook my head a few times. “No, absolutely not! I’d rather start dating women again before having him anywhere near me!” I cried out without thinking.

An amused smile tugged on the corner of Liam’s lips. “Are you going back on the remaining four dates with me?” He asked.

“No. Are you?” I countered, feeling a touch of annoyance at the very thought. Was he trying to back out after he went through so much effort just because of Kris?

A downright cheerful grin formed on Liam’s face. “The birthday gifts just keep coming.” He mused out loud.

His words reminded me of the bag with the gryphons. “Oh, that’s right!” I stated as I took out my gryphon with his armor out of the bag. “I’m leaving yours in the bag. Happy birthday!”

The look Liam gave me caused a slight shiver to roll down my spine. Before the butterflies in my stomach began to flutter out of control, I figured it was time to get back inside. “Well, in spite what I might have thought before today wasn’t too bad. I’m gonna go now.” I rambled rapidly as I got out of the car.

Liam actually stepped out of his car to follow me. I took a deep breath when I faced the front of my door. I then turned around. “And though they were unnecessary, thanks for the flowers, I guess.” I drawled in the most neutral voice I could muster.

Before I could reach into my pocket for the keys, Liam caught up with me and took hold of my chin, guiding my face back up to his. He just stood there quietly. Too quiet. It was rare for him to be so quiet.

“Can I make one last birthday request, Seth?” He pleaded.

The butterflies in my stomach were having a damn field day. “What kind of request?” I countered.

“A kiss.” Liam replied.

I frowned. The very word ‘kiss’ caused a flicker of memory to flash in front of my eyes of Kris’s dirty tactics earlier that day. But, before I became lost once again in bad memories, Liam spoke again.

“A kiss from you.” He elaborated. “On the lips. But, again, it’s just a request. You don’t have to if you’d rather not!”

Liam had clearly lost his mind. Still, it was quite the surprise. Thus far, the auburn-haired man had been the driving force of whatever it was between us. Yet, the nervous Liam before me all but shifting his weight from one foot to the other caused a small smirk to form on my face. I would surely regret it later, but it was his birthday, damn it.

He instinctively lowered himself down a bit as I tilted my head slightly and went for his lips. I made quite the mistake in thinking that it would be a simple peck. Liam’s lips were soft and full. They felt so good. A flick of my tongue was all it took for him to open up. The next thing I knew, my tongue was sliding against his. From his delayed movements, it was clear that Liam was reeling in shock.

I felt a surge of energy and lust shooting through my body. I didn’t know when my hands began to cling to Liam’s head, holding it in place. I didn’t even know when I began biting and sucking on his lower lip. All that I knew was that I had to stop. I forced myself to step back and quickly unlocked my door to duck inside.

“Goodnight, Liam.” I said as I glanced at his dumbfounded form. He was still frozen in place even as I shut the door.  I couldn’t help but snicker. I turned my gaze to my security monitor and instantly regretted it.

Liam appeared to be laughing and gave a slight leap of joy as he all but ran towards his car.

Crap. What was I doing? Was I leading him on? Was it wise to continue to date him when I still reacted to Kris in such a strong manner? I was over that manipulative turd, wasn’t I?

I don’t think I would have felt the way I did when I kissed Liam if I wasn’t.

I placed my gryphon next to the vase full of orange roses. I leaned in to take in their scent and ignored the little jolt my heart gave.

“I heard they symbolized enthusiasm, desire and excitement...it’s what I’ve been feeling since you agreed to go out with me.”

I let out a defeated sigh. If I were truly honest with myself, I’d say that I felt a touch of desire and excitement at the idea of dating Liam, as well. But, I sure as hell was not enthusiastic about it in the slightest.

Despite not having spent a lot of time at the Renaissance Fair, I felt rather drained. I showered and brushed my teeth quite slowly. By the time I got to bed, Liam had already sent me five text messages.

Shameless  8:53PM

< I didn’t get the chance to say thank you.

< …for both the gryphon and the kiss, that is.

< You’re a very good kisser.

< Would you let it get to your head if I said it was the best kiss I was ever given?

< I seriously think it was.

I laughed. I laughed so hard that I felt tears at the corners of my eyes. Liam kept stealing every last bit of energy I had, and we weren’t even rolling around in the sheets! It took me a while to calm down enough to finally send him a response.

My theory is that you’ve simply not been dating decent kissers in the past if mine was so much better than theirs. >

When I didn’t receive a response, I figured that he was either in the shower himself or he’d already went to sleep. I set the phone aside and tried to get some rest, as well.

:::

“Your kisses are delicious, as are you, Seth.”

“You’re not so bad yourself, Kris.” I teased. I was confident in my own abilities, as well as the ability to keep such a gorgeous man by my side.

“Such an arrogant mouth…I love it. I’d love it even more around a certain part of my body.”

“Oh? What would you give in return?” I countered cheekily.

“I can think of many ways to repay the favor.” Kris practically purred as he tugged me into another kiss.

--

The scene shifted into a more violent kiss. Instead of the bed, Kris had me painfully pinned against a tree. I tried to shove against him, but he merely slammed me hard against it again. With a slight wince of pain, I allowed him, knowing it wouldn’t be for much longer.

--

I was coming home after the weekend of a work retreat. In my hand, I held a box with a figurine of Humphrey Bogart as he was dressed in Casablanca with his hat and trench coat. He was one of Kris’s actor idols.

I had been so excited to find it, certain that it would help cheer up the green-eyed man. “Kris?” I called as I opened the front door. I heard the distant sound of the shower running and a slight thump. I snickered, figuring that he went and dropped the bar of soap again. I walked into our shared room, surprised to see clothes I hadn’t seen him wear before trailing the ground.

The door to the bathroom was open and as I got closer, I heard the sound of another man’s voice. The box fell from my hands at the sight of Kris fucking another man in my house.

--

I was then seated at a fancy restaurant. The man that I was with was elegant and blonde. He seemed to genuinely like me and I was willing to try, ever eager to forget about Kris. But, then Kris walked into the restaurant in the pinstripe suit that looked the best on him. His hair was down. I felt my heart tightening in my chest.

“Go find some other dog to date. Seth belongs to me.” Kris stated coldly before hauling me up by the elbow and dragging me out of the restaurant.

--

The bruises on my back looked worse than they felt. But the welts on my thighs ached. As I washed my face, I was relieved that Kris always avoided bruising it, as well.

“You’re all bones.” Kris grunted behind me as he slapped my backside. “Get your shit together and eat properly. Your ass is all you have going for you and you don’t want to lose it. ”

--

“Just how many times are you going to cheat on me?” I accused in frustration.

“You keep letting yourself go and you’re always at work! I can’t wait for you forever.” Kris countered. “If you were the same Seth I first met, my eyes wouldn’t stray to anyone else in the first place!”

I stumbled back at that. Was I truly not myself anymore? I doubted myself more and more, after all…

--

I didn’t know the name of the man I was dancing with, but our bodies seemed to align well together as we moved to the rhythm of the song. He seemed to be having as much fun as I was.

My footing faltered when I caught sight of Kris. How the hell had he found me? He had on the tight jeans that looked the best on him, the loose black shirt with the V-neck low enough to show off his chest, and had his hair half up.

Not again. I couldn’t do this again. I left the dance floor, but he caught me as I was about to leave. The kiss he gave me felt desperate and left me in a bit of a daze. The two of us ended up dancing for a couple of songs. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he kept luring me back to his side because he really loved me in his own way.

I went to the bar to order us a couple of drinks. But, when I glanced out at the floor, I couldn’t find him. Figuring that he went to the restroom, I walked down the hallway. He had a younger man bent over in front of him as they rutted in the dark corner at the end of the hallway.

When he came home in the early morning, I already had several boxes of his things near the door. He began throwing objects around the house and even managed to close his hand around my throat, squeezing tightly. My younger brother arrived just then. He ripped Kris away from me, but I stopped Michael before he outright assaulted him. Mike even helped load Kris’s boxes into the taller man’s car.

“You couldn’t live without me if you tried!” Kris called out. “I’ll be back before long.”

“I wouldn’t count on it!” Michael growled back.

:::

The nightmares startled me awake. The sun was barely rising, so I knew that it had to be early. So much for sleeping in on Saturdays. I let out a groan and rubbed my face with a hand. I grabbed my phone to see what time it was and noted that Liam sent me a few more texts.

Shameless  6:13AM

< Right. You’re probably not even awake yet. But, I was wondering…

< Is it ok if we hung out together for a bit today?

< Just hanging out wouldn’t count as one of my five dates, right?

 It’s far too early in the morning for you to be so hopeful.>

< Damn. Did I wake you? I’m sorry.

No, nightmares woke me up. You were surprisingly absent in them.>

< Does that mean that if I were in them, they’d have been dreams instead? I count as a dream!?  :)

…I’m not going to bother with a response to that.>

< I clearly do, then! I’m sorry you didn’t have good dreams last night. You featured in all of mine, after all.

(I blushed.)

Just how the hell is that supposed to make me feel better? >

< …so, should I bring some board games? When can I come over?

(I took a deep breath.)

I’ll make us some lunch and snacks. Don’t you dare come over before 12:30PM.>

< I’ll see you in a few hours then!  :D

I belatedly recalled that I didn’t have any casual clothes other than my gym clothes. Since it was my own home, I decided to wear another pair of Michael’s shorts. They were printed with camouflage. I then figured that one of my sleeveless gym shirts would do. I chose a black one.

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw the tiniest hint of the old me behind my blue-grey eyes.