There was another way. I did not tell Se’Jana about it. I thought, six years is a long time. But she never showed any sign of interest in flirting with passing sailors, or with her mermaid and merboy peers. She only seemed interested in exploring the Nothing. I did not understand it.

When she turned sixteen, I began to express my concern. “You’re already sixteen.” I would sign to her. “Time is running out. Surely there is someone? Grali perhaps?” Grali was a young merman who often accompanied her home from the Nothing. He was going into soldier training, and it was obvious, at least to me, that he was more than half in love with her.

But she only shook her head. “No. I want no one.”

It wasn’t for lack of attention. Grali was the tip of the iceberg. She had been a lovely child, and she grew more and more into a beauty as a teen. Mermen, mermaids, and merpeople alike flocked to her, trying to court her. She was as kind as she was beautiful, and hated to turn them away. She was also honest to a fault. If she felt nothing, she felt compelled to tell them.

When she turned seventeen and still showed no interest in anyone, I began to panic. “Pick a friend.” I signed, begging. “I love you. Pick anyone.”

“No.” She signed back, looking resigned. “I can’t. Ommer Adat, I can’t do it. I can’t love someone like that. Not for pretend, and definitely not to marry.”

“Not even to save your own life? Lie!” I signed furiously.

“No.” She signed. “I can’t.” And she swam from the cave.

I didn’t understand her reticence. Every time I brought it up she said only that she couldn’t, that she couldn’t feel that way for someone. I didn’t understand. I tried taking her to other colonies. I had loved the Sea Witch at first sight. Maybe there would be someone elsewhere…? But no. We returned from each trip no further along than we had been before.

With a month left before she was doomed to turn into jellyfish, I offered her all I had left. I offered myself. “I will choose any gender you like – or no gender. I don’t want you to die, Se’Janna.”

“No.” She signed back. “I just can’t, Ommer. Not with you, not with anyone. I can’t feel that way. Something is wrong with me, and I just can’t.”

I hugged her tightly before signing back, “Nothing is wrong with you, my precious daughter.”

The day came. As though to mock me, it dawned bright and sunny. I took Se’Janna to the land nearest where I had found her. She didn’t understand why, but she came with me. We went up to the surface, not far from the beach. Near enough for her to swim. I looked at the beach, and sighed. I had been so sure it would never come to this. I had sworn, fifty some years before, never to go to the land. But here I was.

I took the knife from my side, and handed it to Se’Janna. She took it, confused.

“Kill me.” I said in the landwalker tongue. “There isn’t much time, only until sunset. I don’t understand why you couldn’t marry anyone, Se’Janna, but I respect your wishes and feelings.”

She looked horrified. “No. No.” She whispered.

“You asked me once if there was another way. This is the only other way. You became a mermaid because of me. If you kill me, you will be a landwalker again.”