Alice couldn’t play for weeks afterwards. She tried, tried to play her mother’s favorites; Sonata - Scarlatti, Fugue 2 - Bach, Pachelbel, but mid-way through a piece she would stop. Her tears blurred her eyes and her face burned. She was not giving the time to play once the governess her father hired arrived. She thought it was a waste of time and Alice should be more focused studies, knitting and sewing. Alice did her studies well before without her, but the knitting and sewing her out of the question for her. The governess was rough when she refused to do what she was told; slapping her hands with a rule and forcing her to sit for hours at a little desk in the study until she did her practice knitting. When she left, she ordered her to practice more on her sewing and knitting, but Alice only found ways to play her music. The sheet music for each piece was kept leatherbound under her bed. Every night she laid the ones she had never played before sketing her arms in front of her and lightly tapping the air as if she was playing the keys. Soon the idea of writing her own music came to mind. It was much less irritating than figuring out a cross stitch. She found that she was also a genius in that area as well. During a house party, she expressed herself once again through her music. Her father was furious at first as she came downstairs in her trousers, hair tied back low, and her leatherbound sheets in hand. Everyone went silently as she sat on the bench, placed her sheets on the piano and began to play. The song was a tribute to her mother and a defiance towards her father. First playing of soft and playful before turning fast and horrid, a world filled with happiness and promises before it turns against you, leaving you broken and empty. After she finished, the whole room applaud and she went up to her father.

“Would you like to hear more, father?” she asked.

The fury she saw before disappeared and was replaced with a new acknowledge. He put on hand on her shoulder. “Yes. In fact, how would like to perform that little piece at the theater?”

And she did. It was the only gift her father gave her that she was appreciative of. On stage she poured her heart out, even if the audience never knew of her inspiration, the music she played kept her loneliness at bay. It was the only thing the kept her heart full.