At the train depot, I let the world slip by. Laying on my back on the train bench never felt so good. No one was around. Of course, no one was around, everyone has something to do, it was mid-day after all. Without another moment, I dozed off for a few hours.

By the time I awoke, the night had crept in and I was still alone. There was no light around, save for the flickering street lamp right above me. The train station had closed and without warning, stopped for the night. The moon was shy tonight and hid behind dark clouds. I sat there, in place, legs against my chest wishing someone would come save me, not from the darkness, but from its evil relative, loneliness.

Eventually, my hunger overcame my fear; I walked into the night, no light in sight. Walking down the street, I heard noises all around, then utter silence. There was so little sound that I heard my heart beating. There was a loud crash in the distance. My heart began to race. My mind screamed for me to run, but curiosity took hold of my legs while my mind flailed my arms.

Finally, I reached the site. A train had jumped the rails: one cabin was on its side, the other was crumpled up and smoking from impacting several trees. The noise and screams filled the air for a moment; in the next, it was all gone. Silence overcame the scene with a few explosions and creaks. Darkness was pushed away for a time, but as the flames and light dimmed, it reached back and suffocated what was once its space.

All I did was watch, frozen in fear, legs trembling. The cool fresh breeze filled with the stench of hydraulic fluid and burning flesh. I fell to my knees, head towards the earth, arms grasping my mind as though to protect it from the trauma I just experienced; too late. My soul wanted to scream for help, but my lungs filled with liquid and no amount of breathing would give me air. I didn’t know what to do and if I did, my body refused to listen to me. Why did I have to come here? Why did my body bring me here towards danger, death, and fear?

As I gasped for air, a yellow car appeared on the scene. No rescue markings on it, one broken headlight. A woman stepped out rushing towards the scene. She crept down on the train car on its side, ripping open the door. The woman screamed for help. A blood-curdling plea to help save lives.

Before I knew it my legs rose. The next second they ran. The following moment, they were in an all-out sprint. My lungs could hardly keep up, my mind was racing. Before I could even breath, I was helping the woman, now drenched in blood and fuel, pull the half-dead out of the train. My eyes saw the hunks of humanity strewn about the cabin; arms, legs, heads, bones, screams, pleas, and life.

It seemed like merely a second. I went from suffocating on the hill to drowning in fumes and gore and my own vomit. It was the first time I saw someone die in front of me. It was the first time I held a human life in my hands. It was the first time I felt life leave someone and death consume what remained. By the end of the night, only one person survived for help to arrive. The lone person lost everything; their lover, their family, and their friends. He laid still for hours with two broken legs watching the fire consume his life. I watched helplessly as one by one, the people I saved pass the thin line between life and death. I was on my knees soaked in blood and fuel, then tears and apologies. Why did I want to get closer? Why did the people I save die? Why couldn’t I do anything?

The woman came and sat beside me. She placed a hand on my shoulder and said, “We couldn’t save them all, but saving one life is the best we could do dear. For him, the road will be rough, but he’ll survive somehow. We’ve given him that chance at least.” She moved closer until her face was only centimeters from mine. “You did all you could dear.” She smiled and kissed me on my forehead. “Thank you Elizabeth.”

And in the blink of an eye, the unknown woman disappeared into the darkness and questions consumed me. Who was she? How did she know me? What do I do now? None of it really mattered to me because I was going to ensure this boy made it. I sat next to the boy watching over him for the rest of the night. All that remained was a girl, a boy, and death. A few hours before daybreak, rescue came for the boy and for me. After this, I became a policewoman, then a detective. But I never ate meat again, I could never really eat right after this. But what I gained was the survival of a boy who I saved; the first person I saved. You should save someone because sometimes it may turn out they saved you. A tip from detective Liz.