He took his first steps. Stumbling, falling, but rising again and again. Then he fell hard and laid still. However, he rose again with a large red spot on his head. He stumbled until his head laid on my stomach and my arms catch him. I watched him take his first steps.

“Mama,” he spoke.

And his first words. Cradling him in my arms. I will miss these things. Not only about my dear, but for my loves in this world. Soon, my surgery will bring a change not to the world at large, but to my world a large change.

Forbidden love by the people, I wonder again who, will be, and ever were these people. My greatest loves are my dear Eve and Kain; nothing else in the world matters. However, to the world, it matters that she be a woman and I a man. My body does not obey these arbitrary rules. I have breasts, a belly to bear children, but no apparatus to fertilize my offspring. For that we have been judged, for that, I was given a choice: die a deviant or live as a man. In other words, die a criminal or live as an abomination. I respect those who transition but what I want is for this moment to stay here forever. Just my dear Kain in my arms. My dear Eve sleeping by my side.

For others, the choice may be clear, but for me it isn’t. Eve will love me no matter what I look like. But will my Kain recognize me? Or will I even be around for him to even love me? The odds of death are high for me. A cut may be life-threatening, life itself seems to slip in and out as death hangs around my neck; waiting for the right moment to hang.

I simply want to live in my world in peace. I don’t ask for much, but it’s not enough. Today may be my last day.

Kain falls asleep in my arms, snoozing and drooling away. Time seemed to stop, but before I knew it, tears had streamed down my face soaking his shirt and mine.

Why can’t the world accept us for who we are? Who we love doesn’t matter to them! Who we are doesn’t matter to them! And who we want to be doesn’t matter to them! All of that … only matters to us, only us.

As the sunlight gives way to moonlight, they remained asleep. Oh well, nothing else matters now. I want to enjoy these last moments not fill them with complaints.

I’ve already written my letters: one to Eve to find when I’m gone and one for Kain when he’s old enough. Even in the coolness of the night, I can feel their warmth, their familiar scent, and see their relaxed, beautiful faces. For this moment, just for this moment and no other, I soaked the whole scene in, every last detail.

For a moment, time itself stood still and no law, no the people, and no surgery exists. A second later the doorbell rang; it was already morning and the day had come.

“I’ll get it,” Eve shouted, awoken by the bell. She stumbled and fell halfway through the hallway. The bell rang again. Eve opened the door, still dazed and rubbing the sleepiness from her eyes, without realizing.

“Is Miss Asuka Hioko available?” A male voice asked.

Eve in shock stuttered, “Ahh, mmm …”

“I’m here,” I responded. “Please come in and have a seat. I need to get ready in a moment.”

The man entered. His face was kind, his uniform crisp and perfect. “Thank you Miss Hirono,” he said offering his hand.

I took it with both hands, “Thank you for coming.” My false smile causes my skin to crawl.

He moves towards a chair close to Kain. “I know how you feel. You hate me with every ounce of your being. The world is cruel and unyielding.” He looks at Kain. “But even beautiful things can come from it. Who bore him?” He turns to me.

“I did,” I responded.

He turns back to Kain. “Ah, I see. What a beautiful child. I wish I had one.”

“Excuse me I’ll, be ready in a moment,” I interrupt. I head upstairs to shower and dress. “Eve, please entertain our guest Mister …”

“Hamilton, Gary Hamilton.”

“Right. I’ll be just a moment.” I head upstairs.

Eve looks at me uncertainly. “O-okay.” She sits across Gary, between them Kain sleeps quietly.

“So, Mister Hamilton--,” Eve starts.

“Gary is just fine.”

“Um okay … So Gary what did you mean you wish you had a kid?”

Gary’s expression shifted and his gaze lowered. “I wish I had been as smart as you to get an egg fertilized and bearing children of my own before transitioning.”

“Hold on, what?!”

“Yeah, I was like you two. I fell in love, caught, and punished. However, unlike Miss Hirono, my transition, like most, go without a hitch.” He pauses. “Of course she still has to make her decision, but if her operation fails, it would have been a swift death to be shot.”

Eve covers her mouth with tears welling in her eyes. “Why-- why do we do this at all?!”

“Who knows, but someday things will change. Don’t change the laws that govern people, let the people change the laws that govern us.”

Eve asks,”Why do you do this?”

“What, asking people the question? It’s simple, the person who asked me was too and she said it would be a pity to see so many people die for no good reason. For some, the transition is a new life. Let love thrive.”

“Wow, that’s-- that’s wonderful.”

Gary looked down again. “Of course, she died a week after asking my question from her surgery.” His hands concealed his face. “No one wants to die, no one has to either. Be strong and believe. For your sake and his,” he says looking at Kain.

Tears stream down Eve’s face. “We’ll survive somehow. We always do.”

Surprised, Gary responds,”You will then. We’re just waiting on the world to change.”

I entered the room. “I’m ready.” I kiss Even and Kain. “Goodbye love, and goodbye my beautiful boy.”

Eve was still drying her eyes from before. Gary rose and we went to the door. Eve spoke,“It’s not goodbye Asuka, it’s--”

“See you later.”