We ate breakfast in silence, a warm

                        afterglow shading the air around us, carrying more meaning

                        in the air than a conversation right now ever could. I’d

                        like remembering this. I highlighted this memory, the top of

                        the pile, above a hundred others.

                  I down a glass of water. “To be fair, this is really exciting.”

           “I know! I could blab on and on about the potential this has and where

           we might take it.”

           I ease into my chair and felt the charge in the air. Spark the

            conversation and hear the engines whirr.

            “Alrighty then, tell me what you’ve found over there.” [breathe, and]

      “Okay. So, we’ve recently been running the Cognitions through a series of        Ethical and Abstract Reasoning tests. This started about a couple of                  months ago, and we were expecting more of the same: the Nets doing              something coldly logical, or warmly human, but for slightly wrong                    reasons. Their mistakes nudged us into progress regardless, and a few              new trends of thought emerged.

             We were comparing the Nets’ results from those of the Laces’, and                     the trends in the Nets had surprisingly humanlike motivations and                   logic behind them. Trends that’ve materialized into actual idea                           chunks. Semiotes.”

                                                       I opened my mouth to congratulate her, -

             “This is probably a fluke in the grand scheme of things. I mean, there’s still no way to empirically measure sentience, much less sapience in the Nets. Or, in us too, thinking about it. (Huh.) But, wow. I’m excited.”

I jumped up from my seat to wrap my arms around her and press her against me.
“I swear, your eyes were glowing for a second there.
Try not to get too carried away, or your job might take over mine.”

                                                           We giggled.

            “Alright?”                                      “Alright.”

She continued giving inflections in lections and sections of the particular dimensions modeled in last month’s retentions. Replica of simplified models of simulacra of cycles, of symptotes and symbols, processed multiple-file. Tiny flecks of steak and rice occasionally spattered off her, the outdoor noonlight gently blaring in from our side, magnifying her audioculinary sprinkles.

“God.” She blurted out, “I’m so happy right now. It’s like I’ve downed a whole gram of caffeine.” The dim, hazy view framing her ten years younger, in both mind and body, despite the notion’s sheer impossibility. She breathed in, and for a second, everything was quiet. A snapshot of two teenagers in bodies oversized, overgrown, overused. Keep the conversation rolling before the past catches up.

“Isn’t that much lethal?”

“I don’t think so? I mean, half the kick in coffee’s probably placebo, anyway, so half a gram of sugar would function just as well.”

“Not gonna argue with that. But, man, it’s funny seeing how our work overlaps so often, isn’t it? I mean, you work on Networks and I work on Neurons, and I thought they’d be damn near the same. Back then, we thought we had the world in our hands.” [breathe] “The more we built, the more there was to discover. Always more research, more hell to delve into, and we loved every second of it. I loved spending every second of it (with the team [, though mostly with you.]). It was an abyss always eight floors deeper, the bottom just always out of reach. ”

A sigh, a chill in the air. “Aaaaagh, man. I tried to brighten up the mood, but I think I did the exact opposite.” I groan, exasperated.

She let out a sigh, the type layered with an airy falsetto usually marked by a long, pitlike laugh before “Awh, well, I see what you mean. Research’s advanced by enormous bounds over the past couple of decades. I mean, we got to meet with, hell, take part in living history back in Grad. Further beyond, plus ultra. There wasn’t an obstacle we couldn’t cross.”

Another sigh, this one more solemn. “The team misses you, you know. They asked when you’d be back.”

Huh?

“Aren’t we still on vacation?”

“You’re on vacation. You said you’d visit in two weeks. It’s been three months.”

Fuck.

“Oh.

Oh, my God. Where have the days gone?”

“Into the computer, mostly.”

do they hate me?

“Damn, I bet they hate me now. ヘヘイ⁵.” I let out a small giggle. My throat constricts and contorts the sound into a different language. 鬰’s eyes widen, and she raises her hands, waving them in negation.

“No, no! Don’t think that. They…”

she stutters a bit too long on an “um,” and eventually kills the sentence altogether.

“I’ve filled them in on how you’ve been feeling. How you’ve been staying in more than ever and aren’t doing so great, and they understand. They just wanna let you know that they’re always up for seeing you, you in full, physical three-dee form again. And that there’s always a spot for you in there.”

             “Just wanted to rush into that as I was gushing about the great news, but guess I’ve dampened the mood a bit now, didn’t I?”

“Nah, nah. Don’t sweat it, please. Appreciate filling me in on that. Olivia was pushing for us to all catch up over dinner or whatever, about a month ago, but I kept on ignoring their plans and avoiding the subject whenever it came up that I’m pretty sure they just went and did it without me. I’ve kept so silent that I’m worried what they think of me. I’m assuming the worst about them assuming the worst.”

                [breathe.] “I wish I had the spine to show up after so long. It’s like I’ve put my life on pause and everyone else’s just managed to breeze through the things I have to look up step by step guides to do.”

“I’m talking too much. I’m finally going back to the labs, I’m finally looking presentable again, and I’m finally gonna meet them again, if I catch them, so, cheer up. Just gonna visit the Conscience Fields. Here’s hoping the atmosphere won’t be entirely frigid.”

We chewed through our meals and stuffed ourselves with words. The only thing on my mind was how much would change, how much would stay the same. I wrapped myself around her for a bit more, trying to preserve the feeling of her pressed against me, hoping it would be good enough to last the entire day. I grabbed my phone and my wallet and kissed her before I left and locked the door behind me.

It opened to my fingerprints, but the clicks echoing down the hall still carried with it an air of significance. The lock, the knob and the deadbolt. The trinity of security.

I made my way down the elevator. It didn’t squeak or stop or anything at all today.