I laid on my bed the whole day. I haven't left my room at all since the other night at Dylan's. Three days have passed. I been staring at my ceiling thinking about what the actual fuck I did that evening. Honestly, how could I have been so stupid. I was caught in the moment I tell myself. Was I though? I just couldn't believe what the hell happened. As of right now, Dylan is downstairs with my parents. He's been staying over every night.
I hate myself for doing what I did. I felt really bad for leaving Damien and their Mom during the situation. I wanted to apologize, but all I did was just ignore every incoming message from Damien. And every time Dylan tried bringing it up I just wanted to change the subject. Last night I even got mad at him for it. I apologized right after. Then there was my mother. She was confused about what happened, but neither Dylan or I wanted to talk about it. She even came into my room that night and sat down with me.
Letting me know that when we're ready, we'll talk about it. She keeps asking if she should go stop by the twin's home and speak to Roberto, but I can't let that happen. My mother and father can't find out about what happened at dinner. Christ, I keep killing myself in my mind. What I did keeps replaying in my head and I don't enjoy any second of it. I hope Dylan doesn't think of anything more of it. That he doesn't think of something more.
It was Monday late night. I kept my door locked until it was time for bed. Dylan slept in here, but I didn't want him anywhere near me. I tried getting him to sleep in the living room, but my dad wouldn't let it happen. As I laid on my bed, I threw the pillow over my face and silently screamed into it. Pretty soon, I found myself sleeping and pretty sure dreaming. Reliving the argument I had with Dylan's father. I was then awaken by a loud knock coming from my bedroom door.
"HEY, HENRY. OPEN THIS DOOR!" the loud voice of my father was coming from the other side. Dazed from the drowsiness, I wobbled over to the bedroom door. Opening to see my dad and Dylan, standing behind him, in front of me.
"Did you forget that you have a friend living here?" He asked.
"W...what time is it?" I checked my alarm clock and it was almost midnight.
"Look, I don't mind Dylan staying over this long. Alright? It's the summer and I get it. He's having a rough time at home. Just like Leo--" He continued to talk, but I zoned out. I thought about Leo for a second. It finally clicked. I fucking forgot about Leo. I didn't even tell my mother about what happened. Holy fuck, what do I do now? What if he comes over and sees Dylan, basically living here?! Stupid summer isn't off to a good start. Nothing I wanted it to be. "Hello?! Do you understand?" my dad's voice was audible again.
"Uhm...yea. I do dad." I had no idea what I was agreeing to understand to.
I walk back to let Dylan set up his bed on the floor. I close the door as my father went to bed with my mom. I'm still in my clothes and I don't bother showering or changing. I don't have any will to do anything right now. Everything has just been stressful and awkward. Especially with Dylan. We don't even talk before we go to bed. Not even a single 'Good Night' to each other. This night was different however. For the past 3 days, he finally spoke.
"Stop doing this to me, dude." he spoke.
"Doing..what exactly?" I ask. I laid in my bed under the blankets as he laid on the floor. His voice is all I hear, but I don't see him. Not in my head either.
"You need to stop holding everything back. Every problem you have, you hide it away. You can't just do that. You can't just kiss me and pretend it never happened. It's fucking with someone's feelings."
"I...Dylan. What I did that night was out of anger. I did it to show your father a point. I see you as a fr--" He cut me off.
"As a friend? I'm sorry, but I quote 'You don't kiss friends'. Don't be a hypocrite Henry."
"I'm sorry Dylan. You're right. But what I did. Was out of anger for you dad. He was being an asshole. Sorry."
"It's fine..."
I turn onto my side and I stare out my window. The moonlight shines through the blinds and Dylan's shadow is on the wall. I stare at it. There's a period of silence and I know he's awake. I can hear him tossing and turning on the floor. I check the time and it's almost one in the morning. Neither of us could sleep. I check my phone and I see a couple of messages sent earlier awhile I was sleeping. A few from Janet and one from Leo. I was scared to open Leo's so I tap on Janet's messages.
Yo, Henry. What's up?
Uh...hello?? It's the beginning of summer!
Dude, you seriously can't be sleeping at this.
Let me know when you're up...please?
I text her back, telling her that I was actually asleep. No response, but of course she's sleeping now. I really hoped she wasn't going to ask to hangout with her and Alice. As much as I enjoy being around them. I can't do anything at all. Not until I figure out my position with Dylan. Maybe I could use their help, but I need to figure this out on my own. Figure out these feelings I dread having.
I scroll down to Leo's message. I dare to click it, but when I do. I'm...actually relieved. It was a lot nicer than I expected.
Hey Henry. I'm sorry about what
happened. I would've messaged you sooner, but
I was an asshole after school. I shouldn't have said anything
I just felt left out...that's all. I'm so so sorry.
I felt better knowing that he was okay. He's been my friend for so long, I couldn't ever be mad at him. Plus most of it was my fault. I shouldn't keep any secrets from him. I glance at Dylan's shadow, reminding me that he's still on the floor. Okay, maybe just one secret. Ever since his parent's divorce at the beginning of Junior year was really rough for him. He kept blaming himself that he was the reasons for why his parents split.
My parents even tried their best to make him feel more comfortable at our home. That he was apart of it and he enjoyed every second of it here. It came to the point that his own parents thought it was best he stayed here until they figured out the divorce. There was also even child custody and who gets what within the family. I will never understand why people marry if they can't keep a promise they vowed for. Once things became more calm between his mother and father, he chose to stay with his father. He knew his mother was hurt by that decision, but he was old enough to choose where he wanted to stay. She sees him on the weekends though.
Ever since, that. Life just goes on for Leo. As so it will for Dylan and I. Whatever is going on in Dylan's life, I'm now apart of it. I just don't if it's for the good or for the bad. I turned away from the window and stared at my wall. I assumed Dylan was sleeping, but he wasn't. He wanted to ask me something.
"It's...a personal question. About...me." He asks. I don't answer, but he asks anyways. "What or how do you feel about me, Henry? I need to know."
I laid there. Thinking about what he asked. I didn't know how to answer, but I had to give him some sort of answer. Though the one I gave him wasn't something he was looking for I assume.
"Dylan Roth. You're just...."
"Just?"
"Just something...else."
Comments (0)
See all