"Hello," I said answering my phone.

"Kathleen, it's mum."

"What time is it?" I asked sleepily. "Is everything ok?" I turned my alarm clock and it read 4:16 am.

"I am worried about you," she replied. "I know we couldn't come for Todd's funeral and you haven't spoken to us since the accident."

"Mum, I am doing ok."

"Are you? No one in their right mind would be doing ok after they lost someone!" She said breaking down. A huge lump rose to my throat.

I could feel her concern sipping through. They were on vacation in Guam when Todd was in the I.C.U and could not make it back on time due to natural causes. It's incredible how much bad luck one person can face. I was all alone facing Todd's rush decision to be euthanized, prepare for his funeral; which wasn't that hard since he had that arranged beforehand and, I had to decide on whether or not I wanted to hear the clause he had in his Will.

"I'm doing all I can to stay strong," I said calmly, hot tears finally rolling down my cheeks. 

"Dad and I will be coming over once we're back," she said sniffling. "And I know you're not ok but, I trust you're doing all you can to push through. I am really sorry you had to face all that alone."

"I'll be going back to work soon," I said abruptly though, I surely had not thought it through.

"Do what you must," She replied. I could feel she had more to say but simply pushed it aside and, I appreciated that. "How is Olivia?"

"She's doing ok. Fast asleep next to me actually," I replied glancing over towards her. She had insisted on sleeping with me to 'keep me company'.

"She must be really jetlagged," Mum said.

"Yeah," I replied. "I'll see you when you get here."

"Ok. Goodnight and take care of yourself." She said then hang up.

Once my head hit the pillow, I could feel my walls crumbling down. I buried my face into it and balled my eyes out. When Olivia's arm snaked around me, I completely lost it.

"Let it all out," she said hoarsely. "You need it."

As I cried, I could feel all the pain, anger, and distress I'd buried pour out. Why had I struggled so much to hold on to him? Why hadn't I seen him for what he really was? Why was I so blind? Why do I still care so much?