July 15, 2005

4:53 a.m.

I just want to sleep! but something is in here with my making all kinds of noise. I just want to get a full night of sleep but I don't think I can get it anymore. It has been years since this started happening,but it isn't just the lack of sleep. It's my mood. It's been changing over the years and I've become darker. I don't mean to its just whatever it is that is with me is changing me. I can feel it slowly creeping its way inside me. taking over little by little until I will no long be me. I can feel it inside my head talking to me telling me these are my last few hours before it consumes me. I can let that happen but for some strange reason, it feels so good. I want to feel it inside and twist me up. I want to feel what it will do and see it as it happens. I want to feel the badness inside come out but at the same time, I can't. this isn't who I am but how would it feel to be so bad? let me show you. It whispers to me and I will let it show me how good it feels to be bad.

-Brook