And here I wonder once again.
Of whether your fever has truly died down.
You appear so healthy to everyone.
So grand that it seem inhuman.
With a single smile, you charm their soul.
Their voice becomes a mere whisper.
Your very presence eminent with warmth.
Their day brightens as they chatter away.
Not missing a beat of your nymical voice.
Blinding them of the fragile truth...
That every second your life shortens.
That you were in pain…
I recall asking you how you do it?
Your smile seem to always flatter-
but never hinting your hesitation.
As if you had no regrate to what you said:
"Why should I share my sorrow? When no one can feel my pain? I rather leave a smile before I depart this world… So people can remember that I've live life to the fullest."
You gazed down at me when you finish. A hand reaching to ruffle my hair. Your smile did not flatter as your eyes beam with life.
Leaving a mark on me…
Why? Why was that your answer?
It was so irritating- so…
Frustrating!!!
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And you didn't mind that. You just let it go….
Before I realize it, it was our daily routine.
To argue of your health and talk about the day…
Your smile never ceases to wavier.
It was like you were always content with our time together.
Even though I acted like a spoiled child…
Even if I acted like I was annoyed or hated you...
I secretly was thrilled just to be by your side. It made the fear of you disappearing reduce…
You seem used to my cold demeanor.
Always reaching out a hand to comfort me.
Even when I scream- it only made your existence glow more. Responding with your signature smile. As if you knew how I felt.
One day, we sang a song together.
Of an old folk tale your mother told us.
I wonder if you realize…
That the tale sounded like you?
The child that lost herself in the mirror?
Knowing you, you probably did…
One day, I got hurt.
You didn't ask what happen.
You just seem to know the reason as you bandage my wound.
Your smile was replaced with a frown.
Examining the open skin,
As if staring at it would heal the damage.
It truly angered me you know?
Like how would you know?
That there are people who spoke ill of you?
How can you let them go?
It never made sense to me…
it still doesn't…
We had a lot of memory together…
I wonder if you left knowing that?
Is that why you were so happy to see me?
On the last day your life was fading?
You held my hand so tightly.
Your laughter echoing in the cramped room.
It was so mellow that it didn't suit your cheerful demeanor…
I held onto your hand- with my life on the line.
You were so fragile…
I was so scared that if I held any tighter...
You'll disappear…
We spoke fast-
As if time was running out…
The knot in my throat tighten.
Praying to be released from this tension.
But I didn't care until my voice broke…
Because you were gone…
I never saw you again…
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Original date: 08/12/2017
Rewrote: August/6/2018
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