What do we do now? What are we now? I sit by her side. Her cuts showed across her body. But the deepest cuts tore her very life and no bandage could patch. Who are we now? She has nothing and I am nothing. I rest my hand on hers hoping to soothe her pain in any way possible. Nothing will until only numbness is left. An unbearable lack of life, a feeling of hollowness that carves you inside out until only a shell is left. But what can we do? Cry? We’ve done too much crying, so much so no tears come at all.

“How are you doing mam?” April asks.

I stare blankly at the ground. Outside rain pounds the windows. “Rain,” I say.

“What was that?”

“Fucking heavy rain. Only fucking rain for the past week!” I cover my face with my useless hands. “I’ve been trapped here with no sense of purpose! When that motherfucker died, I died too. What am I supposed to do?”

April searches for meaning. “I don’t know mam.” Her wandering gaze works its way to meet my red eyes. “The only thing you can do is be here when Liz wakes up. Take care of her, mam. And take care of yourself.” She stands up and holds me. Slipping a piece of paper in my hands, she says, “If you need any help at all, let me know. I know I can’t do as much as Blake or Chief could, but I’m always happy to lend an ear.” She lets go and leaves.

I look down at the woman below. Bedridden, covered in wires and cables, lights and jagged lines show signs of life and death. It’s just like when I lost Amanda. That’s not right. When she was murdered. I don’t even know why.

Pulling my chair up against the wall, I look out the window and count as many drops as I can. The mind-numbing task seemed to work, but somewhere along the way I lost count. We’ve already held the funeral for him. Liz didn’t attend because she froze up and fell into shock then a coma. She can’t even feed herself, much less hold the man she loved and lost. Now all he is is a pile of ash and photos. She’s a pile of lifelessness and so am I.

“It’s all over for me. I’m done,” I whisper. They took my badge, my gun, and my team. I killed a monster and they treat me like a monster. There are more out there still. And we’re trapped here in the city of sickness, a place where people die; this godforsaken hospital.

Then, Liz awoke.

“What am I supposed to do without you Blake?” I ask. His hand is in mine.

“I think you would be happy,” Blake responds. “I am always messing with you, pranking you, and …”

“Loving me.” I look at him and he looks at me. “I mean, you cook, you clean, you do everything for me. I couldn’t be happier without you.”

He blushes and looks at the sky. “I do the boring stuff so you can save people. Do real work. I’m just a grunt who carries out orders. You bring justice and protect the innocent.” He embraces me. “I couldn’t live without you. Would you ever think-- Would you ever want to marry me?”

I look into his eyes. Behind that charming smile were serious eyes. My eyes fell to our hands. “I don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t know if you even want me. In a year, in two, what will we be?”

Blake’s eyes looked into the clouds. “Does it matter?”

I look at him, puzzled.

“I mean, look at us. We’ve been attached to the hip for almost ten years. And…” He sighs. “I know. No rush. You’re gonna save the world.” He smiles and kisses me on the cheek. “While there’s still breath in my lungs and blood in my veins, I’ll happily wait for my princess charming to arrive.” He holds me, so close I can feel his warmth.

“I- I don’t mean it that way Blake. I just-- I just don’t know.” Blake lets go of my hand, but instead cradles my head and gives me a kiss on my forehead.

“I love you. That’s all that matters to me. I’ll wait until you know. Happily cooking, cleaning, and doing dirty work; I’ll do it until the end of time until you make up your mind. All because I love you. You saved me after all. My cute, little hero.”

“I--” Suddenly a chill went down my spine. Something’s not right. In a moment, the blue sky and green fields became bloodied and dark. My hands felt empty, my skin cold. I frantically search for him, but I am alone in the black, bloodied fields and crimson sky. I scream his name and nothing replies. Then, a drop hit my head, then two, then more. Blood rains on me, soaking my white dress. I look at my hands and scream, “I didn’t, I didn’t know, please God bring him back. I’m sorry Blake. I didn’t mean to get you-- To get you killed. I didn’t mean to kill you. I--I’m sorry.” Falling to the ground, the rain grows heavier and heavier until there is nothing but blood and me. “Please forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive, Elizabeth,” Blake says. His t-shirt and shorts were replaced with a black suit and black trousers. The yellow umbrella in his hand keeps the rain from pounding on me but instead pours onto him.

“But I--”

He shakes his head. “You’ve made me a happy man. I’ve been fortunate enough to be in your company for all these years. Laughing with you, crying with you, and falling in love with you.” He kneels down and wipes the tears from my face. “You’re my hero and I’m your sidekick.” My tears continue to flow, mixing with blood and regret. “Sometimes even heroes need to cry.” Blake begins to cry too.

I hopelessly try to wipe my tears. “You’ve never been my sidekick. You’re my partner and I am yours, forever.”

Blake embraces me. “No. For a moment, but not forever. And that moment is over my dear Elizabeth. Time-Time for you to move on.” He sobs louder than I’ve ever seen him before. “Please give me this moment Elizabeth. Let me be selfish and hold you here for a moment longer. Let me hear your beautiful voice, brush your golden hair, feel your warmth, and be in your company. For one more moment before--”

My body felt cold, like time froze and the temperature with it. The scene stood still, my heart began to beat uncontrollably. Before I knew it, Blake disappeared and darkness replaced everything in sight except for a small bright light. In an instant, the light exploded and my body lurches forward and I was back in reality. Greeted by blinding white light, deafening pounding on windows, a sterile, dull room, and a friend.

“You’re awake…” I whisper.

Liz clutches her chest and releases a breath. Her eyes and mine meet. “I guess I did,” Liz finally replies.

I walk over to her and sit on the bed hugging her. “You’re finally back,” I cry. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Liz.”

She sat there still; frozen stiff, but calm. “There is nothing to apologize about. Everything is going to be okay.”

I look up and see tears flowing down her cheeks. However, accompanying them was a smile.

“I think I’m gonna be okay now Emily. It will take some time, but I’ll be able to move on. Let’s learn to heal together. That’s all we can do now.”

Fighting back more tears, I respond, ”But what can we do at this point? I’m done for and Blake’s… Gone. The world was finish with him while you were asleep. What can we do now, huh?”

Liz holds me, pulling me closer. “I don’t know, but we’ll find a purpose again. Someone to love maybe. Someone to save and someone to save us. That is our purpose.”

“We thank you all for your service to the city to help stop the violence in our city. I personally want to thank the officers who put themselves in danger and harm in order to help keep us all safe. Thank you. I want to thank detectives Elizabeth Sörensson and Emily Fortier for going above and beyond the line of duty to apprehend the suspect and start the beginning of the end for this case. Thanks ladies, glad to have you back with us. This is only just the beginning so no slacking!” the lieutenant announces. His eyes fall to the ground. “And to Blake Cheng for making the ultimate and …” He begins to sob. “And painful sacrifice of all. He gave his life in the line of duty and risked everything to save a comrade’s life. To Blake and to the team!”

Cheers and tears fill the cramp station. Eventually, people start heading home to where they belong, have people who love them, and a place to rest for a moment until tomorrow arrives. The station is mostly empty and only a few faces remain: the lieutenant, Emily, and me.

The lieutenant walks over to me and says, “Soon the desk you’re sitting in won’t be Blake’s anymore. No more plastic flowers. I never asked him why he had all of these on his desk. It’s practically a garden.” He picks one up and examines it.

“Yeah. I got all of these for him as presents,” I giggle. “I couldn’t get him a decent gift so I treated his one request to heart.”

“And what was that my dear?”

My giggle became loud laughter. “He just wanted something that could last!” The LT’s smile grew. “But he would smile and be so elated every year. He even kept the wrapping paper.”

The LT set the white, plastic chrysanthemum in its vase. “Explains everything.” He looks at me and says, “I’m glad you’re back Liz. And you too Emily.” He sighs. “I’m glad you two want to come back. But, I don’t want to push you guys. Please consider taking a break. You can’t drown it out with work.”

I avoid his eyes. “It’s all I know how to do. I don’t have him anymore so I need to find a purpose again. A world without him is difficult to save,” I reply. “I’m going to move on and heal, he wouldn’t have wanted me to be this way, but it’s hard.”

The lieutenant pats me on the back. “I know dear. I know. You and Emily will figure it out. Please let me know what we can do. Blake will always be watching over you.” He sits down beside me. “I know that when you’re happy, he’s happy. Please keep yourselves positive.”

I take a deep breath and release it. “When breath becomes air, life becomes death. But from that death comes new life.”

“Where’d you hear that one? What does it mean”

“I dunno-- But maybe with the break, I’ll find that answer and what it means to be alive again.”

He smiles, “I can wait to see you guys back, detective Sörensson and detective Fortier. Keep safe and get some rest.”