The noises of the sirens are loud, but they just echo through my brain. I can hear a paramedic say ‘hang in there buddy’ as she tries to comfort me and attend to my wounds. Before I knew it, I was reminded on how I got here, in this ambulance, how a stupid decision had brought me to my soon to be death bed.

3 months before.

The tv keeps on spouting nonsense as the news is playing in the background, I’m on my phone on the couch as my sister’s cat is on my lap. I had crossed my legs to build Penny, one of the cats, a little nest for her to cuddle with me. I keep scrolling through Twitter as I take notice on the trending topic, more rape victims coming out.

As a guy, it’s rare for them to be rape. In reality, it isn’t and we just don’t talk about it because of our ‘manliness’ getting damaged. I believe those girls who do speak out are very brave.

Ever since an incident, I’ve had lost interest in relationships or girls all together. No one, but my sister knows about the occurring events that had left a scar within me. Ever since I told her she made me move in with her in order to keep me safe, or that’s what she says. I know she’s lonely in this house but she won’t say it. She’s a college student majoring law. She’s a big fan of justice, or what I could tell, a big feminist. A good one though, not like those who ‘portray’ or say they are feminists but just make that name look bad.

I pet Penny with my free hand as I feel a warm wetness fall down my face slowly, and slowly they began to flow faster. I dropped my phone to the side as I try to stop crying and I just wipe the tears off. Penny looks up at me and purrs softly as she rubs herself against me. I chuckle softly and pet her again, my nose now all stuffy and I simply sniff. It seemed like destiny was against me as I hear the front door open followed by a loud groan, “I swear I’ll end up dying before finishing my studies!”, it’s Danielle, my sister. She walks to the couch next to the one where I’m sitting and just dives right on it and sighs, “I’m so tired.” She groans once again. I smile and snort at her comments, “I made some extra coffee for you.” I mumble and laugh at how fast Dani got up from the couch and went to the kitchen to serve herself some hot coffee. “You’re a lifesaver David!~” she sits next to me now. Her happy face fades slowly as she looks at mine, she noticed I cried. Dani puts the coffee on an end table near by and moves my face towards her before I tried to look to the side, “This is the fourth time this day Dave-“ she frowns, “are you sure you can handle this? We could go-“ — “Enough Danielle, I said I was fine!” I screamed before letting her finish her sentence. There’s an awkward silence between us before she coughs, “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to help.” She looks to the side grabbing her cup of coffee and taking a slow sip. I don’t answer and just stare down to my legs, her other cat approaching me and rubbing himself against the couch. “I’m not ready.” I mumble after a few minutes of such an awkward silence. An aura roaming around us full of awkwardness and regrets. She rubs my arm and warmly smiles and I just can’t help it but to start crying again. It’s a long cycle that has been occurring now almost everyday.

Night has arrived and that scene had been long gone and forgotten for the moment. I’m in the kitchen serving the two cats food. Dani is in her room talking with some friends who came over to ‘study’, her code word for girls night. I try to stay away from it and keep myself occupied with my phone or the cats. I really don’t have many friends. I don’t really get involved in school and i try to avoid any socializing with anyone.