It was a dark and stormy Sunday morning. Filled with harmful, terrible, pollen. On every Sunday morning, my father and stepmother go to the “local Church” aka the local bar. They normally have a few morning Margaritas and Bloody Mary’s to start off the fresh day. 

However, this day eventually became not so fresh. My father walked in the door and screamed, “Mondo! I need your help”. I walked over to him and seen that my stepmom is laying on the ground making love to the hardwood floor with her mouth. She sounded like a Bear scratching its back on a tree. 

My father glanced at me and said, “Grab her legs, we need to carry her to the room”. As soon as I grabbed the legs I heard the words “I AM PEEING” and a puddle started to form. 

My father said, “Hurry! We need to get her to the bathroom.” As we started to drag her, there ended up being a massive streak of pee that leads from the entryway to the restroom. 

Two minutes later, my sister in law showed up bearing gifts. At that instant I remembered, OH IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE. 

I wish I would explain how displeased she was to arrive to see her mother’s pee and hear her mom screaming from the restroom saying “TEQUILA HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY ENEMY.” 

My sister in law kept saying, “How could you do this… IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE!” Eventually, I left the whole situation entirely. Back to my safe bedroom on this nice Winter Morning.