Chapter 7: The Velvet People

I needed to tell him.

The thought burned through my mind as his lips moved against mine. The table was distraught and he was pushing me back. We walked hurriedly, nearly tripping over ourselves but never once distancing. Our mouths fixed to each others. He tasted like apricot, but sweeter yet. I wanted to taste him everywhere, I never wanted to stop.

I needed to fucking tell him before he found out himself. I needed to save myself from the ache, he wanted me. He wouldnt once I showed him or told him. He would be disgusted like everyone else, he wouldnt understand and I would be left with two bowls of chicken broth and a half eaten apricot on the floor.

He pushed me against the closed door to my little room. His body was pressed against mine but I wanted more.

"Finn, Finn" I breathed, trying to get his attention. I spoke through desperate kisses, his tongue and mine constantly trying to reach other like two lovers lost. I heard him groan and the sound felt like the best thing on my lips. My fingers went through his hair and he pushed his groin against mine.

I felt his arousal and I wondered if he thought I wasn't attracted to him. He wouldnt be able to feel me the same way I felt him. Yet, I was almost certain I wanted him more than he wanted me.

"Finn," I breathed and he moved his lips to the corner of my jaw, moving down to my neck. I pressed my head back against the door and started rubbing myself against his arousal with no guard. "Finn, stop"

The word ricocheted through me and pushed him back almost immediately. His lips were wet and he stumbled back and away from me. A look of horror and confusion plastered over his face and I wanted to reach out and soothe all those lines of worry. I swallowed a breath and composed my rising chest. He put as much distance between us as the small space allowed and I could feel a burn in my heart. I moved my palm against the ache and pressed it against my chest.

"I-" Finn spoke, shaking his head "I don't know what went over me, I'm sorry."

"Finn"

His face grimaced at the sound of his name from my mouth, a small broken moan escaped from his lips. "I'll go. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to force myself on you. Oh god, fuck. I'm so fucking sorry, Brinley"

He couldn't even look at me. My lips quivered and I told myself not to cry. I needed to open my mouth and fucking tell him. I didn't want him to go. Holy hell, he was one of the only things I wanted staying. The words were stuck in my throat and I tried pushing them out, tried to make myself admit it.

He looked at me for a small second before shaking his head, his eyes full of raw apology. I reached out to him with my hand when he turned around and walked to the exit. He was too far and too close. I wanted to press him back against me, put my forehead on his and make him see. Will him not to be disgusted with me.

"Finn, I -" I began

"I'll ask someone to come back with money tomorrow. It's the least I can do and I need to know your mother will be alright. I really-" he turned suddenly to me and I took a step back from the surprise of his movement. He looked down at the action and a look of mortification replaced his soft features. He looked to be in physical pain, and my head was hurting so bad I couldn't get myself to explain.

"God, I'm so sorry" he placed his palm on the door handle, the action shook over me. I couldn't scream at him to stop because my mother was sleeping and although she slept heavy whenever I gave her poppy seeds, she could have been woken. So I did the only other thing I wanted to.

I moved forward and pressed my hand against the door not letting it open. I reached forward, grabbing his shirt in my hand and pulling him down to me. I pressed my mouth against his with the power of a dozen armies. Hesitant at first, he pulled back but I followed him with my mouth. I moaned softly against his mouth and pressed my tongue on the opening of his mouth.

Please.

His whole body losing its tension, he finally started kissing me back. Soft, unlike the previous urgency, he took his time tasting me. Let his tongue roam inside my mouth and his hands met at my hipbones.

I pulled back gently, not letting my body move away from his. If I couldn't tell him, I would have to show him.

I stepped back, "Finn, you should know something before you make your mind up about me"

Confusion flustered through his eyes and I reached for the hem of my shirt. Pulling up the ragged material over my head and letting it drop to the side of my body. I swallowed down my own self disgust at my body. I wanted out of it, I wanted to be rid of this curse to endure life in the wrong coffin, the wrong parts, the wrong feeling. I untied the taper that held my binder.

I looked up to Finn and saw that he wasn't even looking at my chest, he was looking at the scares on my stomach. Some of the newer ones were still raw but I didn't care if he saw. He needed to see all of me to understand. As I undid the wrap that bound my chest, I let the fabric fall to the same place my shirt lay.

Finn moved not an inch and moved his gaze up to my face. Nothing of his features gave away to what he was thinking and I needed something to tell me that maybe I should be hopeful. Maybe he wouldnt run.

I undid the top button of my pants and moved to push the material down as well. I felt the wet sensation of a tear run down my cheek. Before I could remove my pants, Finn walked toward me and stopped my hand the same way I had stopped his leave with the door.

He moved my hands to his and threaded our fingers today.

"I'm sorry," then he kissed me.

I felt his arm wrap around my back and he pushed me into him once more. His hold gentle as if I were to break in his arms. I wanted it, I wanted to break so that everyone could see what was inside was true to my mind, not the body I was in.

He repeated the apology and I didn't understand until he knelt down and kissed the small lacerations that marred my flesh. I pushed his head away but he moved back and kissed the cuts. I began to say my name, but he moved up and returned his lips to mine.

Now the taste of apricot was only a distant memory and I dived deeper. "I think you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen" he spoke, more to himself than me. I wanted to tell him that it meant little to me. He was attracted to my body then, not me. It felt like an anchor weighing me down more than anything. "So handsome and I don't care how or what you've come with. I want you."

The sentence lifted me from the inside and I pulled him back with me to my room. The door pushed from the pressure and Finn pulled me up to wrap my legs around his waist. His arousal directly on mine. He pulled his lips from mine and looked at the room, the small bed in the corner wasn't even a bed but he walked toward it. Gently laying me down on the mattress that now felt like velvet with him in the room.

He looked at me with a deep question, and I nodded. Knowing what he wanted, knowing I wanted the same.

"I'm forced to be someone I don't want to be either, and although I may not understand truly, Brin. I am familiar with how wicked life can be"

I didn't speak but moved up and knelt in front of him. Looking up at him standing beside the mattress, I moved my fingers up to the buttons of his expensive pants and pushed the fabric down. His arousal shaped against the material of his briefs and I licked my lips at how much I wanted to feel him inside me everywhere.

Finn was breathing hard, and he interwove his fingers in my hair. I felt him tracing every move I made, watched as I pulled his briefs down. Watched as I placed a soft tentative kiss on the tip of his length. Wishing I could give him more experience but glad that he would be my first. He moaned out my name and pressed his cock against my lips. I parted my lips and imagined all the things I've wanted to do to men I've seen on the streets in my dreams. I closed my mouth around the head and slowly slid down, trying to reach the base but not quite managing.

Finn's body shook against me as he closed his eyes. He placed his hand at the back of my head and kept me in place. I made a soft gagging sound and his eyes widened in lust. Pulling back, I saw the wet skin and I clenched my thighs. I repeated kissing and going down slowly, letting myself enjoy him. Even if it was only for one night.

"Brinley, fuck," he whispered "You need to stop before I-"

I didn't stop, instead I went slightly faster and felt his cock throb on my tongue. It felt like hot satin and it was the most expensive thing I've ever tasted. I smiled against his head and moved back. He removed his coat and his shirt, letting it fall to the floor. I moved back against the wall and watched as he placed an uncertain knee on the mattress and came closer to me.

I saw his eyes light against the small darkness. The dying oil lamp in my room was going to continue to die and I would continue to dream about this man long after he left too. His lean build and his hard cock was a sight to be painted and put up on exhibition for only the most passionate eyes. No one deserved to look at this man.

"I want you more than I want to breathe right now" he spoke against my skin as his lips kissed the dip of my collarbone. The small well where my heart beat so fast, I was sure he would feel the vibrations on his lips.

"You already had me"

And it truly felt like that. Like in every universe, he was made to see me for me.