Martin soon got to be insufferable. He got pression from his sports team to reject me. Out of fear of losing his friends, or maybe of looking like the idiot loser he is,, he never stood up for me as they were laughing at me. Not even once. Still, these feelings for him never fluttered, even though he was this stupid coward who wanted to fit in with a bunch of losers. He ignored me, knocked me on the lockers, but I always remembered the sweet, pure, guy that was inside. I am in love with this memory of the boy that used to be my whole darn world.

I thought about it so much that I even got to a point where I kinda understood him. He wanted to fit, to be a part of something. I was the weight from his old life; I was the annoyance of his new beginning.

But now I’m being bullied by his whole team. Beat me, I don’t know why. Maybe I was an easy target, maybe I was just a way for my new enemy to forget his past. Martin reading my story this morning, even though he knows how private these pages are for me, is now pretty usual. He used to be the only one who could read these. Hell, even my family doesn’t know that I write. To be fair, my writing is pretty bad and I don’t even know why I still bring this notebook to school… Maybe I like having a bit of attention from Martin, even though it’s never what it used to be…

I’d say that the biggest problem is how much I miss him. He doesn’t seem to care, surrounded by all his new friend, leaving me behind as garbage from the shitty town that once brought us together. I don’t even dare to daydream about his lips on mine, his rough hands on my neck, my hands in his hair… Shoot, I’m doing it again…