Ava—the main female character who was on the cover—was in no other sense of the word, stupid.

It didn't help that Geir, the male main lead that was also on the cover, either didn't care enough to correct her or found it attractive.

"Really?" I asked of Ava midway through the book. "You're honestly going to start crying again? That makes it eighteen times you've cried in this story so far...You're going to fall for it once again, Geir? She's merely manipulating you because you are weak to her tears. There can be no other explanation. I cannot seriously humor the thought that a person can be so ludicrous as to cry like this, over the smallest things, for no reason other than 'sadness'. Is this really going to work on Geir and...Oh, well, now you're both just being vulgar," I said.

I read through the first real sex part, not feeling a single ounce of lust at it. It was just filled with a lot of nonsense words and phrases.

Geir, I've been in love with you all this time...

Ava...You've stolen my warrior's heart. I can't go another moment without you in my arms, my love.

I cringed, my fingers around the book tightening. "Gaah," I breathed. "What is this, torture? Why do women find this romantic? What about this is—?"

My mind pulled up the definition of 'romantic', pausing me in the middle of my sentence.

Romantic, adjective. First definition: conducive to or characterized by the expression of love.

"-I see," I answered my own query aloud.

Love, noun. First definition: an intense feeling of deep affection.

"Yes. That makes sense then. Still, I find it quite ridiculous. A 'warrior's heart', hmm? It just seems in bad taste. Why not use words that would describe the actual situation?" I asked the silent living room. "The chemicals in Geir's brain are merely reacting to Ava as a potential mate, making him believe he is happy to be around her. In reality, he can't stand her, but his brain lies to him to help convince him to keep her around. With how aggravating this woman would be in reality, no man would want her around. She lives in a time where a woman must have certain life skills in order to function as a productive member of society...Ava can't even cook. How is she supposed to be the wife of a jarl, expected to hold power over all the other women of the island?"

I shook my head, reading as Geir took Ava's virginity. "Really, Geir. You should not procreate with a simpleton. Don't bring sad, pathetic children into the world. There is already more than enough of those as it is," I said.

By the end of the book, Ava started showing signs of pregnancy. "Yes, of course, you're pregnant. What is it with women and wanting babies? Are babies cute?"

"...Seok?" a confused, sleepy voice made me turn my head to my left. I blinked, taking in the sight of Selena in a too-big T-shirt. The shirt itself was black, with short sleeves that reached just past her shoulders. It ended four inches above her knees, with no other decoration besides four large words in plain white letters. My Little Black Dress.

"Yes?" I asked.

"What are you doing up? It's six in the morning," she grumbled, reaching up to rub at her eyes and half-glare at me through them.

"I received a call that woke me up at five this morning," I explained evenly.

"Um, okay. Wait, what are you reading?" she asked, blinking blearily at me. She was standing closer to the kitchen, squinting to try and get a good look at the book.

Flipping the book over, since I was done reading, I held the front cover out for her inspection. "I was reading 'His Prisoner'." I watched as her face filled with just as much embarrassment as she'd had last night when she'd been eating me up with her eyes. I wasn't blind, I knew what she'd been doing. I hadn't felt any shame then and I felt none now either. I had nothing to be ashamed of. It had been an honest accident on my part (though not so much on Mackenzie's). "Is there a problem with me reading a book like this?" I asked. "I found it quite dissatisfying, and not even in a physical way." I studied her closer, taking in the light in her eyes and her deepening blush. "Do you like books like this, Selena?"

She quickly stepped forward, snatching the book out of my hand, making me blink. "No!" she snapped, cradling the book to her chest. She bit her lip, glancing down at it. "...Y-you didn't read a lot of it, did you? What am I saying, it's only been an hour since you woke up," she let out a nervous little chuckle.

"I read the whole thing in just under thirty-five minutes and forty seconds."

All the color drained from her face as she slowly lifted her face up to stare at me. "You have to be joking!" she insisted in shock.

I shook my head. "I don't joke, Selena."

"I've noticed!" she hissed, cradling the book closer to her. "Also, how could you not like this book?!"

"I thought it was poorly written, poorly edited, and with very little life in it. Ava was a two-dimensional fool that really was not worth the effort of being the main lead. Geir was slightly better, but he let his physical lust cloud his mental judgment by taking Ava as his wife. Those are my thoughts, at least. The main villain's betrayal was obvious from the get-go and the villain was honestly very 'two-bit' with their actions."

She gasped, her brown eyes widening in confusion. "Are you being serious? There was no way you saw Ava having an older twin sister!" She pointed an accusing finger at me, shaking her head firmly. "That was a crazy twist!" she insisted.

Now I see you are my own real-world Ava. Unlike Geir though, I am not afflicted with a physical attraction towards you. Well, that's one less worry in my life. But I suppose I'm going to be stuck with this idiot for the next year. June 9th of 2008 cannot come soon enough.

I reached up to rub at the side of my head, feeling a headache start. "It's six in the morning, Selena. Is this really the time to be arguing over some insignificant book?"

"Any time is a good time to defend a book I like," she shot back.

I had a very sudden urge to reach out and strangle this little fool. Instead, I kept my expression blank, my voice dead. Violence really wasn't the best answer in this ridiculous situation. I no longer really knew how, but it seemed I was honestly in an argument over some silly little romance book.

Do I really have to marry this woman?

"While I admire your conviction and determination, I must disagree. Unless I get some food in me, six in the morning is much too early to be defending anything. Especially some two-bit porn book."

"I can not believe that you just said that," she muttered.

"Ever heard of Laurell Hamilton?" I asked her calmly. "The fifth book in the Meredith Gentry Series, 'Mistral's Kiss'?" I asked. Her face lit up as brightly as a Christmas Tree.

Ah...So she's familiar with it.

"W-what about it?" she demanded nervously.

"It begins with: 'I dreamt of warm flesh and cookies. The sex I understood, but the cookies...' It then goes into describing a dream that Meredith is having, one that quickly transforms from a dream involving her harem of fae men into a nightmare. That doesn't even include the fact that the main point of that entire series is for Meredith to have tons and tons of sexual intercourse with different men in the hopes of being impregnated. All to become Queen of Air and Darkness after her aunt, the Unseelie ruler. Considering your response, I'm sure you know there is a part in that series during which Meredith has sex with a male who uses tentacles on her?" I asked.

Her entire face was so red I could barely make out the darker brownish natural shade her skin. "W-w-why are you bri-bringing this up?!" she demanded in a shaky gasp.

"I'm bringing it up to prove that all these romance books are is just different levels of porn for women. They're for the females who don't want to feel like they're 'dirtying' their selves by looking up online porn and seeing 'real' naked bodies. It's 'innocent' if it's just in the imagination of one's mind, right?"

She didn't respond, but I could see a line of sweat start along the side of her face. She looked overwhelmed by my words.

"You aren't defending your book very well," I reminded her.

"Dick! Why do you know so much about it if it's just a freaking porn story?" she tossed out before storming away.

I found my gaze pulled toward her butt as she walked away since her t-shirt seemed to be bunched up a little in the back. As soon as I noticed my eyes doing such a thing, I stopped, lifting my gaze up to the back of her dark brown hair.

Don't fall for the trap, I reminded myself. That's all this is. A trap to get the money out of you...

That thought firmly in my mind, I returned to sit on the couch, removing the bedding and setting it to one side. Pushing the bed back in, I let out a low exhale. Sitting down, I closed my eyes, leaning back against the soft cushions.

"...This is why I try to avoid headaches."