I was hesitant at first, but after the first whiff of warm meat, all my inhibitions disappeared. I frantically stuffed my mouth like it’d be my last meal, my stomach rumbling in appreciation.
“Slow down,” Max said, a laugh in his voice. I looked up, feeling some grease slip down my chin. The meat was unidentifiable, the fur or feathers already being stripped off, but it was juicy and flavorful. I’d never eaten anything so cooked, it was wonderful. The den’s fire pit had always been crowded at dinner time, the higher-ranking wolves got to lounge around the fire to cook their food at their leisure. Everyone else crowded around them, waiting for their turn to even get close enough to feel the warmth of the flames. So many bodies pushing and crowding in to get their turn made it almost impossible to get more than a minute at a time to hang your slobby kill over the spitfire. I’d been elbowed and shoved out of place many times, left to crowd around the dying embers with the wolves stuck at the bottom of the barrel.
Max’s touched jarred me from my thoughts and I flushed when he brought a thumb across my lower lip to catch the little mess I’d made. I shied away, embarrassment settling in my gut. I expect for the plate to be taken away or to be sent out of the room for the night. Max did neither, instead smiling warmly at me and handing me a napkin.
I gazed down at it, emotions flickering rapidly like a hot fire. I usually ended up wiping away whatever food stains onto my hand, it was odd to look down at the clean whiteness that I was supposed to ruin with my disgusting eating habits. I’d seen the Beta and Alpha use them, but I never really dwelt on how different our privileges where. Sure, I thought about how it was unfair that they got everything first and I wasn’t even second best. I had no more authority than a pup, often being digressed into nothing more than just that, but I was quickly taught that I didn’t question what the alpha said. I was at the bottom of the hierarchy ladder and I could never change that, it was a fact of life.
Since being abandoned in the woods, found by this pack and started living with Max, a lot of things I considered solid truths have been completely torn down. I was being treated in a whole new way, many reactions I had down to a science were suddenly diverging. Things Max did or said didn’t match up with anything I’ve known before, my whole world seeming to flip upside down.
Slowly, I wiped my face clean and carefully folded the ruined napkin up next to the plate. I glanced up at Max. I must have paused for too long because he had an odd look on his face, it quickly dissolved once he realized I was looking. I gnawed on my lower lip, wanting to ask questions on why his pack was so different than mine, but the thought of Max turning cold and taking back the niceties he’d given at my questioning made me stop in my tracks. It was selfish and maybe a little manipulative, but I was terrified of being abandoned all over again. I had no clue what I’d done to be kicked out, but I refused to do wrong and give them a reason to dump me in the woods.
My stomach twisted uncomfortably, my palms beginning to sweat at the thought. For a moment, the idea was so overwhelmingly terrifying, I was unable to move.
“-ka. Luka!” I jumped, looked up at Max’s drawn face. Chagrin made my mouth twist into a grimace. Max seemed relieved when I finally responded, in his hands one of the utensils that’d fallen off the tray. I blinked at it for a moment before accepting it, the cool metal smooth and light in my grip. I was unfamiliar with it, having used my hands before when eating. I wondered if Max thought I was a slob. “Are you alright?” he murmured, eyes oddly soft. “You were trembling.”
“I was?” I asked in a small voice. I looked away when he nodded. I wanted to know why I was so weak compared to the other people my age. By five, most wolves could shift at will and could track their own small meals. If they were true wolves, they’d be still in months or a year when they started hunting themselves. Around that age, they were still small children but their wolves were well on the way to young gammas.
I’ve never grown past my minuscule height, something that’d always just been who I was. I was teased for it and often called out for being the runt, but I never realized how different I was. I was always living in my own world with Chelsea, playing alone when she left and bugging her for attention when she was around. I didn’t venture far from my nest, nothing outside held much interest for me.
“Max?” I cursed the fact that I sounded so small and hesitant but pressed on when I was certain I had his attention. “Why is...why am I so different?” I stared down at the half-eaten meal, it seemed much less appetizing now.
Silence stretched out between them, each moment he didn’t answer felt like an hour passing. Fear squeezed around my heart, fear that he didn’t have an answer, that I’d pushed too far.
“I’m not sure Luka.” he finally said. “But there’s nothing wrong with being different. My only concern is you being unable to communicate, being small isn’t a problem.” I nodded, throat feeling dry and comfort wrapping around me. I trust you, I found myself thinking. Max was trustworthy, I was certain of that even if I was clueless on why I trusted him so easily.
“Thank you.” I whispered. Max reached over and ruffled my hair, smiling.
“Anytime, kid.” I scowled at the nickname and he snorted, obviously not intimidated with my displeasure. Feeling better, I decided to finish eating.
A few minutes later, not able to stand it any longer, Max showed me how to eat with a fork. I was clumsy and made a mess on his bed sheets, something I’d almost burst into tears over before he’d casually stripped the bed and told me not to worry, so it took longer than I’d anticipated to finish my first real meal. I guess it was for the best because when Max replaced the blankets with fresh ones, my stomach began to cramp, causing me to curl up on my side.
I didn’t realize Max had left until he returned, a glass of water in his hands. He gently lifted me up from my fetal position, passing the glass to me. I blinked slowly, feeling a little drowsy as I drank as much as I could. My stomach settled after a few more minutes. Max cupped my hands in his and massaged them. I pondered this action for a moment before I realized I’d been huddled close to him, shivering. He was trying to bring warmth back into my cold fingers.
I gave him a thankful smile, resting my head against his shoulder. He was warm, making it hard to keep my eyelids from slipping closed.
“Rest,” Max’s voice was right by my ear. “I’ll wake you when it’s time to eat again.” Wrapping an arm around my quickly relaxing body, Max drew a blanket around us and I found myself grabbing a fistful of his shirt before my eyes closed.
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