My wife is from Peru, Mexico. I only say this because it irks her. She is from Lima Peru. I had to go through the fun immigration process of America. We Hired the lawyer for the zillion documents we needed to file for the immigration interview.

We are waiting at the immigration office slightly worried about what could go wrong. We both are bad with dates so we kept quizzing each other.

“When did we meet”

“OCTOBER 2015”

“WHAT DAY?”

“I DON’T KNOW.”

“What are the names of my friends?”

“What is my favorite food?”

All answers kept changing continuously.

She looked me in the eyes and said, “HONNNNNNNNNNNNEY I AM GOING TO GET DEPPPPPPPORTED.”

We also needed to bring a picture book of our adventures. However, the majority of the pictures we have are of me sleeping. Now think about this. Can you see the image on the officer's face when they open an album of nothing but pictures of me sleeping? I was tempted but it was a hard pass.

I kept reassuring my wife that everything will be fine...that was until I looked at the lawyer.

Periodically, he would look at the possible USCIS interviewers that were grabbing other people and say, “oh I like her, oh he is hard to deal with on these days, I hope that person had his coffee this morning”.

I asked him, “Wait, if the interviewer is in a bad mood, that could stop my wife from staying in this country?” he looks at me and says, “YEP”!

I AM PANTS ON HEAD FREAKING OUT NOW.

Next thing I know, we get called up. I looked at the lawyer and he gave me the oh no look…I am sweating bullets and shitting the bed. We get into the room and get situated. My wife has NOOOOOOO IDEA what is going on in my head.

I am considering the idea of moving to Peru. If I do Spanish every day for the next few months, I can maybe become a potato farmer. Papa is both potato and Pope in Spanish. Because the pope is a potato. SEE I AM LEARNING SPANISH ALREADY.

The state employee asked the first question.

How did you guys meet? And before I could say anything my Wife said at the top of her lungs TINDERRRRRRRRRRRR. My face dropped and so did the officers.