The time for insertion is most traumatic for me. It’s like a hot, hard, and long turd about two inches in diameter having a mind of its own.

Freaky. If I may do say so myself.

Somehow, I persist through it. It becomes a simple motion of sex for me since it turns pleasurable?

What’s interesting is that my tokophobia isn’t there during the ejeculation. And I assure you there are multiple ejeculations between Nillin and I.

But it’s hard to explain pretty much anything since the author is a virgin too.

Some times have passed since our first sex, and somehow the spark is already gone.

It is as if I no longer exist in his mind. He only talks to Trieu and grandmother about the upcoming Revolution. The question of trust arise once more and Trieu asks me again on how to answer Nillin concerning trust.

Or to be more precise, how to know who to trust.

Again, it’d not particularly rude, just weird.

"The only way to know who to trust is to trust them,” might still be the fastest way.

Nonetheless, trust is still the real concern. I guess, whoever extends and returns friendship is the one trustworthy.

So this time I explained to Trieu to tell Nillin to first compliment the person he is considering as a friend and then introduce me as his wife.

Their reactions shall reveal a return of friendship or not. One, the person must return a compliment. Two, the compliment must be sincere. Three, the compliment must be about me.

Because I'm a man and so is Nillin, only those who know formality and respect me should be trustworthy.

I told Trieu that, and I hope it works for him since he will be a commander for the Revolution; although I can be completely wrong.

As for my other siblings who are with us, Diana and her husband, Gozen and Joan, and Yennenga and Asana, they are enjoying their stay since we all don’t get to be here often.

Although there are a lot of places to experience. For example, the hot springs on Mount Injiosin, the cave houses on Mount Sanna, the green houses in the Cold Valleys, and many others.

My siblings asked if I would joined them, but I said I would like to sit and do nothing.

My time waiting for Nillin opens my mind to the fact that he is a pursuer, a conquerer. Meaning he likes to be dedicated to the things that aren’t his and once he get them, they no longer pique his interests.

I for one is one of those things.

Or perhaps I am seeing all of this with an ill mannered (particularly jealous) angle.

Nillin probably stayed close to me to gain grandmother’s trust and now that he has it (by having sex with me)… I may as well be an obstacle he already overcame.

Don’t get me wrong, it's not that I particularly need his attention. No, no, no, no. This man is Nillin: the homophobe alone and not my sweet, sweet rich boy.

Living in this kind of bored life gives me another realization I would've otherwise never because of this ‘wife’ status.

For the majority of females, it's either the life of supposed luxury like I am or a life of hardship referring to field works or shops.

Note majority. Females like Diana, Joan, and Asana are different. They hold power equal to their significant others.

Even someone like Princess Cassiopeya can experience agency even the limited version of it. Furthermore she is also beautiful, kind, and symbolic to her people.

I can't help but compare myself to them and ask: “Why I wasn't born to be them?”

So what am I and what are you, the majority? This you might ask.

I and the ‘majority’ are stepping stones.

And it's mostly this dichotomy that affects our lives for which my bored life is considered pleasurable to the majority.

In this room, I'm the only one here, and outside the very room are Griflet and his soldiers who laugh and joke and neither nationalities nor sexes or genders matter.

The life of a soldier is a soldier, and the life of the spouse of the future king is that of itself. Nothing more and nothing less.

I sigh and rest my chin on the back of my hands that sit nicely on a quartz stool.

"I want to be dynamic. I want to live life and here I am… Living like a tree. Stuck in one place waiting for a single breeze to pass by so that I may jiggle and lose some leaves."

"There is not even a child to make my life more unexpected," I somehow starts monologuing.

Another sigh escapes my lips and I crawl away from the window to sit on the bed big enough for four people.

The lower half of my body still hurts like a cat in heat and I don't know what I should do. I mean, I can touch myself but that's too weird.

I have gotten hard before, but it usually go away after a while when I don't do anything.

However, now it just itches. The kind of itch that likes a soft and gentle rub, but not so long and rough that you scratch yourself.

"If only Nillin isn't such a jerk, my sexual desires might be satisfied," I fall back onto the bed and practice clenching my bottom cheeks as if there is a penis going in.

Why am I describing it? I must be insane. This is so lewd (ergo embarrassing).

Knowing that I'm the only one here for hours and I'm sure anyone coming in will knock the door. It's a given since I'm the grandson of grandmother’s.

It's time to release some stress.

I simply slip my hand in my pants and start slowly. The sensation is similar to the sex night, maybe it'll be closer if I put a finger in.

I'm sure it won't be that painful; and it’s not like I can get pregnant with my own fingers.

After my first release, I stop everything all together. Why have I not relieve myself until now? It's so good.

"If it wasn't for stupid—that stupid Nillin, I wouldn't be needing this," I cover my eyes with my forearm.

One of my hand is still sticky and slippery from my ‘intensive’ release. What do I do with this hand?

Without much more thoughts, I wipe it on the bed sheet.

"I'm sorry, brother-in-law." Trieu apologizes to Nillin as they stand in the doors that are wide open.

These people need to knock and stop being so sneaky!

I stand up straight and lower my head.

"Let's talk about it later." Trieu pats Nillin's shoulder and before he leaves he adds, "Please also satisfy my brother's sexually. It's also your responsibility whether you like it or not."

I hide my masturbating hand behind my back and continue to avoid Nillin, and the doors close tightly behind him.

"You can leave. I did it myself," my lips purse together.

Why didn't they knock on the door like any normal sane person would?

"No, Trieu and I was here to ask about your suggestions to him for me." Nillin walks past me and to a pair of decorative chairs and quartz stand set.

He sits there in a composed manner with a business face, "Why did you suggest that? Do you see yourself that highly? Pfff, narcissistic much?"

And here I presumed he is a lot smarter, yet I'm not sure of what are the right wordings, or whether or not I should reply at all.

"Cat got your tongue?" He sits completely still as if time froze and only I can push it forward by saying something.

Am I making too much out of this? Or am I just trying to hold in this dramatic event while it lasts?

"Narcissistic?" I chuckle at the word, "I don't think so. You're way more narcissistic than I will ever be."

Yet he continues to sit still and waits for the next word to slip pass my lips.

I wet my lips, "If they can't even respect your male wife, how can they respect you? And a person who can't even compliment me and instead offers you another wife, isn't that—I dare say it, not a greedy person? Looking out for himself… You're not even his equal. There is trust when true friendship is at work, that is when the two respect one another equally."

"What if that person sees through this setup of yours?" Nillin put the weight of his head into his hand. He looks so bored, I don't even feel like replying.

"Then isn't that good? If the person is evil, use him until he or you no longer need the other; and if he is good, what do you have to lose?"

Then I realize I haven't fully answer him, but I decide it's better for him to figure it out himself.

Nillin lets out a loud and yet sincere laughter. I think he has gone mad. Really mad.

"So you value friendship that much?"

What an odd question to ask since friendship is what make life less boring. Has he never trust anyone before?

He gets up from his mighty sitting posture and moves to stand in front of me.

His presence is overwhelming like trying to breathe underwater, "If ‘anyone’ asks, tell them we're having good and daily sex."

I clench my hands into fists, trying my hardest to not show my anger for his incompetence.

"Don't worry. It makes me sick just by the mere thought of you," I lie.

"Who would want to do it with you?" I snap. "Any girl you do must be gay since you cry like a girl during sex. You're just a fucking replacement for their parents' expectations because you have a dick, pretty face."

With one hand he squashes my cheeks and my lips pucker like a fish.

"Who stuck whose dick in whose ass? Do you want me to tear your ass until you can only poop liquids?"

I laugh in a condescending tone with my puckered lips.

Nillin isn't happy about it and pins me down on the bed, "You want to be fuck that badly?"