His eyes pleaded with me to listen, but my heart was drowning out everything else. It’d picked up double-time and seemed to be trying to beat its way out of my chest.
“N-no.” I said, shaking my head. “I... I can’t.” I brought my hands up to my hair and gripped it by the roots. Max smoothed his hands over mine, trying to get me to loosen my grip. I knew I’d probably hurt myself, but I couldn’t seem to pull myself together.
They were going to hurt me, and Max couldn’t stop them. He would step aside, turn away.
Just like Chelsea.
“Luka,” he murmured. “Luka, please.” I shook my head harder, flinching away when he tried to draw me closer once again. He stopped, a look of hurt and regret flashing over his face before his faced washed clean of emotion. I almost cried out when he stood and gripped me by the forearms. Fear tightened around my throat, I choked and locked up.
He sat me on the bed and drew the blanket tighter over my small frame, practically tucking me in while sitting upright. Eyebrows scrunched in confusion, I stared up at him. I brought the blanket closer around myself, the soft fabric calming me for a moment.
Because I thought he’d been going to hurt me.
Max wasn’t like that, but I couldn’t have helped the knee jerk reaction. Not when all I can think about is pain. He said I must prove myself, I’ve got to go through all of that all over again. They’d seen I wasn’t a normal wolf and they tested me, they pushed to see where I fit in the pack. I was at the bottom, I was a nobody. Couldn’t they leave it at that? Couldn’t they leave me alone.
Max scooped me up, blanket and all, and placed me into his lap once again. I rubbed an eye, trying to dispel the moisture that’d gathered there. Max reached up and held my shaking fingers in his steady grasp. I turned my face closer to his neck where I tucked my head under his chin.
“I’m sorry.” I mumbled from my blanket cocoon. “I-I’ve done it before. I should be able to...to...” I hiccuped, unable to finish.
“What do you mean?” Max rested his cheek on top my head.
“They’ve tested me before.” I whispered.
“Who?”
“M-my pack....my Alpha.”
I shuddered. Max stiffened, and I nervously tilted my head up to see his expression. I shrunk back when I saw the anger, the contempt, in his eyes. I found myself backpedaling as quickly as I could, a dozen more apologies slipping out of me. Max shushed me, seeming to come back to himself. He said he wasn’t angry with me.
I wanted to ask who he was upset with, but I found I was better off not knowing. He seemed really mad, I didn’t want to push him any further. I didn’t want him to hate me.
“I promise,” Max said. “I won’t let them hurt you like that. Never.”
I frowned, looking up at him in surprise. I wondered how they’d test me without hurting me. Max’s face grew pained and I realized I’d been thinking aloud. A hand buried in my hair, Max explained that it was a test of loyalty. I nodded even if the anxiety that’d settled in my gut didn’t lessen.
“You’re so kind to me.” I whispered. “Why? I’m just a stranger to you.”
Max was quiet for a while, fingers running through my curls. I almost thought he wouldn’t answer, my eyelids drooping against my will.
“I can’t explain it yet,” I was half-asleep, leaning heavily into his embrace. “I promise I’ll tell you soon.”
~
I can't do this.
Wide eyes on Max, I shook my head rapidly. He grimaced but didn’t make any move to intervene. I swallowed thickly, I turned my attention on the opposing wolf.
She was blond, a honey-glow to her fur that I might have thought was beautiful if she wasn’t snarling menacing at me. Alpha Marc came between them, giving the she-wolf a stern look before smiling almost apologetically at me.
“Luka,” I met his gaze despite my weak knees. “Shay has instigated a challenge to both you and Beta Max.” I nodded, my eyes drifting to meet hers for a moment before jumping away. Her teeth were still bared, heated gaze boring into my skin and making me want to sink into the floor. “A test of loyalty is called for.”
Demanded, I amended in my head.
Uneasy and unwilling to make myself vulnerable, I looked imploringly at Max once again.
He looked away.
My breath caught in my throat and tears clouded my vision for a moment. Angry for being so hurt and angry I’d let myself hope, I knelt before Alpha Marc. I bowed my head and placed my hands on my knees. Max turned the other cheek just like Chelsea had done all those times, he was letting this happen. Chelsea was abandoning me, I didn’t know what I’d done. Why did she leave me? She always turned her back on my suffering, my crying, my shouts for her help.
I sucked in a shuttering breath and tried to calm my racing thoughts, I was taking a test. I couldn’t be distracted, I couldn’t let them know how scared I was even if they broke me moments later.
I flinched when Alpha’s large hand rested on top my head. I didn’t tremble or cower away, I sat completely still. As easy as breathing, I closed my eyes and stopped feeling human.
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