Andy can’t believe what he’s about to say: “Thank you for the job, Satan.”

“Please, Satan is from my edgy days. Call me Lucifer. It feels a little more natural, right?” Lucifer releases Andy’s hand and slides it into his pockets. The question sounds rhetorical but his face is begging for a response.

Andy shrugs and blinks a few times too many. “Uh y-yeah. I think so… Lucifer.”

Lucifer laughs loud enough that Andy can feel it going through his skull and out the other ear. It’s a fun laugh - a genuine laugh. Andy can’t help but smile back and chuckle. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. Come on, let’s show you to your desk then I’ll show you around the city.” Lucifer steps around the desk and pulls a hand back out of his pocket to wave for Andy to follow.

Andy pushes himself up out of the chair and has to jog to catch up to his boss. “I won’t lie to you,” Andy pauses to reconcile this to himself again, “Lucifer. This is all pretty crazy. For example, I’m just now realizing I died. I’m dead. And I have a job in hell.”

“What can I say? Life moves fast. Or should I say after-life?” Lucifer grins and nudges Andy with his elbow. “Eh?”

Andy’s smile is awkward and his laugh half-hearted. “Pretty good.” The two reach the towering doors of the office and Andy grabs the handle. He pulls and… Nothing happens. He chuckles nervously and pulls again with all of his strength. Not an inch. It’s embarrassing. He grabs it with his other hand and strains every muscle in his body! Doesn’t even budge. His attempts have gotten sad to watch.

Lucifer is cracking up beside him and pulls on his door with ease. “Don’t worry, Andy. It’s fifteen feet tall and a foot thick of solid wood. Not many humans really come down here so we don’t have this issue too often. Come on.”

Andy hangs his head and walks through the door in shame. “Thanks,” he mutters. When he steps out, the light is almost blinding. The hallway is a pure white marble walkway lined with intricate statues on either side. There’s no flaws, stains, or specks on anything. Each set of statues depicts one of the seven deadly sins. On the other end, 100 feet back, are the shiny metal doors of an elevator. He wanders to the first statue, sloth, and stares at the surreal depiction of laziness.

“I like to lean into the stereotypes occasionally.” Lucifer steps next to Andy and admires the statue. “The ‘seven deadly sins’ are really just human nature but I find the idea funny so I had these made! Do you like them?”

“Yeah… They’re crazy. I feel tired just looking at it.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot that they’re imbued with demonic energy to have the same effect on people when they look at it. You should probably not look at the rest of them actually. Especially lust… That’ll get weird.” Lucifer’s comment was reasonable. “Just keep your eyes forward.”

“Yeah alright, that sounds smart.” They walk the rest of the way in silence as Andy is careful to stare directly at the elevator - and only the elevator. When the two reach it, Lucifer presses the lone button on the wall. The doors open almost instantly. Surprisingly, the elevator is actually normal. Andy inspects the panel of buttons and realizes something odd. “Uh, Lucifer? How many floors are there?”

Lucifer reaches over and presses button 1-73. “Well each set of layers has 100 floors. This building is a tower that extends up through every layer of Hell and is right at the center of each one.”

“OK, but the buttons go from 1-1 through 1-100 then jump to 4-1. What about layers two and three?” Andy gives Lucifer a puzzled look as the devil leans against the wall of the elevator.

“Well some of the layers actually share layers… That sounded confusing.” Andy simply nods in befuddlement. “Layers one, two, and three, your layers, are all actually like one massive city. Layer one is in the center, layer two is around that, and three beyond that. Layers four and five share a layer, six and seven, and eight and nine. But, hopefully you won’t have to go down any further than the top layer.”

“How big does each layer have to be to fit everyone who’s ever died though?” Andy leans against the opposite wall and grabs the railing in an attempt to look cool. He does not.

“That’s an interesting question! We actually use the fourth dimension to recreate the layers every 100 years. So you’re going to be working for the folks who died in the 21st century. We try and let everything evolve with Earth but never go too far to make the inhabitants go crazy. So the cavemen don’t have iPhones or anything but we let the 20th century folks have the internet.”

“That makes sense. But what if someone who died this year wants to see their husband who died back in the 90’s or something?”

“Well that’s part of your job. If someone on your caseload wants to go visit or even move to another century’s layer, you’re in charge of getting their visas and everything set up to let them get there. And if they want to move you’ll have to talk to the managers in the requested time period to get them a new manager.”

“Huh, alright.” Andy stares at the buttons for a while longer, “Hey, Lucifer. Is the elevator going up?”

“Yep. My office is actually in the basement, below even layers eight and nine. By being below them, it reminds me that I’m meant to serve the humans.”

“Spiritual. I like it.”

“Thanks, Andy! Plus the button is LL which stands for lower level but I like to say it stands for Lucifer’s Lair.” Lucifer has a sly grin like he’s so proud of himself.

“Nice.” Andy high fives Satan. A little ding indicates that the two have reached their destination. “That was surprisingly fast for going up, what, 370 something floors?”

“Yeah, our elevators are pretty speedy. When you have 401 floors you kinda need it.” The doors slide open to a pretty normal office space. The sounds of ringing phones, whirring copiers, and idle chatter fill the air. Grey cubicle walls fill the room as various human and not so human creatures move around in business casual attire.

Lucifer guides his new employee between the cubicles to a desk near the corner of the room. “Here we are! This’ll be your work station for the rest of eternity… Or until we decide to shuffle the offices around.” The desk is simple and white with a typical office keyboard, monitor and computer. The grey walls are expectantly barren. There’s a small filing cabinet attached to the desk and a simple ergonomic chair. “You even get a desk with a window by it too!”

Andy turns around to look out the window on a grand cityscape expanding out past the horizon. Looking up, there is no sky but rather the roof of an immense cave. “Holy shit…”

“Nice view, right? Also, careful with the language.” His face straightens up to make sure Andy knows he’s serious.

“Oh, sorry. Am I allowed to decorate my desk or anything? Just by the way.”

“Yes! Of course! Freedom to decorate desks and all that is proven to increase productivity so decorate away!” While Andy inspects his new desk, Lucifer turns around. “And here’s your desk neighbor! Andy, meet Greg!”

Andy stands up to look over the thin wall. “Ah! Fuck!” A massive fly is somehow walking on his two back legs towards the men. He’s wearing a white button up with a thin blue crossed pattern and a blue tie. Andy slams his body against the back wall of his cubicle and slaps his arms against it like he’s trying to protect it, or more likely, to hug it for safety. It was sad to watch. He screamed like a little girl.

“Hey, man. I’m Greg.” The flies mouth moves in a strange way as he says this. “Nice to meet you.” He reaches out one of his four arms for Andy to shake.

“U-uh I’m Andy.” Andy hesitantly shakes his hand and backs off pretty quickly. His actions start to border on offensive. “I’m sorry for screaming when I saw you. And sorry for cussing, Lucifer.”

Greg waves with dismissal with his two right arms. “Don’t worry, dude. I know humans aren’t used to seeing demons. You should probably just be prepared mentally for Bob. He’s a great guy but he’s a giant mass of flesh and limbs with a few faces in there. You’ll see him when he rolls by.”

“When you say roll, do you mean figuratively or literally?” Andy asks.

“Yes.” Greg’s response is blunt.

“Gotcha.” Andy responds.

“We probably should’ve given you the orientation most humans get but you’ll get it by working with us so, eh.” He shrugs all four arms and walks into his cubicle. “It’s gonna be exciting to work with a human though. I’m sure we’ll be cool.”

Lucifer chimes in. “Yeah Greg is great. I’m sure you two will get along wonderfully. Speaking of, Greg, I’m gonna show Andy around town a bit then I think we may go get some drinks. You want to join us?”

Greg somehow looks surprised despite being a fly. “Heck yeah! When and where?”

Lucifer looks at Andy inquisitively. “Hell Hole at 7?”

“Well, I don’t know where that is so sure.” Andy smiles in a non-committal way.

“Sounds sweet!” Greg reaches his top two arms out to high-five the two men. They both return the favor. “Tomorrow, I’ll show you around the office. So just go enjoy the city, bud.”

“Thanks, Greg. I guess I’ll see you later.” Andy nods to Greg.

“Thank you, Greg. Take good care of our new employee.” Lucifer gives him a nod and a smile. “Let’s show you the more fun stuff then, Andy.” Andy waves bye to Greg and follows Lucifer back to the elevator.