I couldn’t believe that we had already been done with the list in only thirty minutes. All that was left was to buy the flight tickets, and to book the hotel. I leaned over on my elbow and looked up, “This will be the time of your life.” I said with a small chuckle, seeing her doze off slightly.

She nodded and then moved to lay on the foot of the bed, “You bet it will be, I can’t wait to leave.”

“I hope we can leave soon, tomorrow maybe?”

“Tomorrow?” She questioned and then looked at me, a frown spreading over her lips. “Why so soon?”

“I just need to get away from this place, there is nothing here. I want to see the world for once.” I hoped that she would by my excuse, which it seemed like she did, which caused me to relax slightly. I couldn’t stand having this secret between us, a big one that would break her more than it broke me.

She stayed quiet for a while, from my guess she was probably thinking of what to say. “We need to get a flight soon then.” I nodded silently and then motioned towards the book that she still held in her hands, I held my hand out so she would give it to me. I wanted to see everything that she wanted to do first, then I would add on whatever activities I wanted to do. As she handed over the book I smiled slightly and then sat down.

“Get some sleep.” I said quietly and then turned away from her to look down at the book, beginning to read everything she had written down. Even though this seemed so exciting, it was beginning to stress me out. The thought that I was basically running away from my problems, doing the one thing I had promised myself not to do. I took a deep breath in through my nose, trying to ease the knot that had been forming in my stomach. I stood up and then sat the book down on the dresser, picking up a blanket to take with me, then turning to move out the room. I turned the light off to my room and went to the living room, the least I could do was let her have my room for tonight. While walking towards the chair that I would be sleeping on tonight, a cover in my hands trailing behind me on the floor.

I was nervous about tomorrow, I was nervous about every day that I would be living for the rest of my life. I shouldn’t be, because I knew the consequences. Except it would be a matter of time before it caught up to me. Once I got to the living room, I laid out the cover, a small sigh escaping my lips. My hands reached up, quickly running through my hair and then going to rest over my red eyes, “Relax,” I said quietly to myself, forcing a small smile on my face.

Maybe I can fool myself just like I fooled everyone else, even just temporarily. My hands slowly ran down from my eyes to land by my side, my fingers began to brush gently against the side of my leg. I felt stuck once again, I couldn’t move. I just couldn’t bring myself to. Everytime my eyes closed all I could see was the man that had been killed by my hands. I could see blood all over my hands, although there was none on the scene. What was that supposed to mean? Was it supposed to mean that I had been more than a killer. A guilty conscience, I felt bad for what I did. I had taken someone’s life, my own father to put it at that.

I took in a shaky breath, then letting out a small laugh. How could I have been so dumb to do this? I knew that I shouldn’t have but something compelled me to, so I had to do it. My mom would be so disappointed to know that I did this, but at the same time she should be proud. Right? I did this all for her. No matter how much I kept trying to convince myself that I was right, there was always that luring thought that it wasn’t his fault. I felt my hands begin to clench into fists as I thought about this. “No Aella, everyone was wrong except for you.” I barely whispered out loud.

I shook my head as my eyes closed, sometimes I wonder why I couldn’t just get over it like everyone else had seemed to do. My dad and brother had both gotten over her death within a month, and here I am years later and still mourning. Was I just too weak to move on with life, or was it something more than that? I tilted my head back slightly, taking in a deep breath through my nose.

I needed to stay relaxed, I couldn’t let these thoughts stay wrapped up in my mind, and I wasn’t going to let them. I shuffled forwards, soon resting on the chair. My hands slowly unclenched, releasing a burning sensation that began to radiate throughout my hand, faint marks had been left where my nails met the skin of my palms. I slowly laid down, then bringing the cover over my shoulders. “Tomorrow is a new day.” I said quietly, then letting my eyes close.