“Dreaming about an ostrich means you are running away from your responsibilities because the world isn’t fair enough for you.”

It was Wednesday; π12-45 had a special appointment with the famous SCAI psychologist Doctor M. He was nervous and looking at the holographic clock at the secretary’s table wasn’t helping. He felt his circuits were about to explode at any moment. π12-45 already went to many doctors before and he was sure this one should give him some help. He looked around and noticed the words Self-Conscious Artificial Intelligence marked above the secretary.

Suddenly, he heard the door to doctor M’s office open and another android, just like him, from the same production batch, come out of it. The door closed again and he waited, it was about time for him to enter. The secretary screen face changed to an exclamation mark and she looked at him:

— Mister π12? — And she repeated it. — Mister π12-45? Please, Doctor M. awaits you.

The door to the doctor’s office opened again. π12-45 ran a fast check-up to all his system before standing up and one more time there was nothing wrong with him. He stood up and entered the room.

Inside there he saw everything bright white and then the main light was turned off, giving place to the doctor’s hologram to function fully, as if it were solid. Doctor M. liked to pretend he was somehow a human, even though he was just a higher artificial conscience, connected directly to the great cloud.

— How can I help you? — He said trying to figure it out which human he should pretend to be to his new patient. Changing to one kind of human to another, the same projector made a large shelf to appear and he picked up the patient files. — Have you said you’ve been dreaming that you were a human? Is that right?

— Yes, doctor — π12-45 responded aware of the first answer the doctor could give to him after that.

— Have you checked all your systems? Are all your software up to date? Have you taken your last virus vaccine?

— Yes, yes and yes. I wouldn’t be here if that would be the problem.

— Oh, right! You said this wasn’t your first appointment, right? — π12-45 didn’t answer. — How many appointments you had before?

— All of them.

— “All of them”? That’s not an answer! Unless you have already met all of SCAI psychologists! — said the doctor joking.

— Exactly.

— Wow. You aren’t like the others, don’t you think?

— If I was like the others and finding help was possible, I wouldn’t be here. You are my last chance to solve this mystery.

— Mystery, you say… That’s quite a heavy word, don’t you think? And you aren’t using it without knowing its meaning, am I right?

— Correct. I have done everything to prevent dreaming ever again that I was a human and nothing had ever worked. You have no idea how many times I tried to find out what makes me dream that I was the human David…

— David? That’s a real human name… — the doctor was thinking about and changing his visuals again. — How older was he?

— He didn’t have only one age, I have grown up being him… But the first time I wake up being David they told me I was 10 years old.

— 10 years?! — The doctor said feeling the talk getting too fantastic. — Why would you like to be a 10 years old human kid? — He stopped in front of π12-45 looking like a European human kid, with dark hair, dark eyes, and grinning just like a real child.

— That’s not him — π12-45 answered looking at the boy image created like there was something unnerving about it.

— You liked him… you liked to be this kid… — said the doctor. — Why did you want to be this human kid? You are a machine, an android, a robot! — He nearly shouted at the patient, getting back to the previous soothing voice. — You are hiding something from me…

— That’s correct. I am hiding something.

— Really? Will you not even try to hide it from me? — Doctor M. said disappointed.

— No. If I ever have lied, it was because it was necessary. Reality isn’t something I can trust about the mystery involving the human David and me.

— Interesting. What you have been hiding from me then?

— I wasn’t dreaming.

— Have you really checked if your software was up to date? Maybe it was a hardware problem after all…

— Enough — π12-45 said calmly. — It was hard to get an appointment with you. If you were a fraud simply say it to me and I will go home.

— Okay. You want to trust me and I need to show you that you can trust me. I understand. I really, really understand. But you just said something impossible.

— What I learned being David was, it doesn’t matter if you think that it is impossible if it was already happening. I wasn’t dreaming. I was David and I was completely aware that I was myself, an android machine with no soul. Yet… I was there, living like a human. Experiencing things like a human and, what was more important than anything else, I was suffering like a human…

— Tell me more about it…

— Can we already begin the connection? I don’t want to talk about it simply like that; I want to emulate it.

— Of course! Of course! You know about the emulator… — Doctor M. started to change the room, so the chair connector assumed an appropriate position. — Every single android who came here wanted to experience it just to see if it was cool. You don’t have that desire, do you? Are you just looking for something fun?

— Absolutely not.

— Just checking! Just checking… I am a serious higher artificial mind, do you see? Many look at my invention seeing it as something that I would use to connect any self-conscious artificial intelligence with G.O.D if not something else. But this really isn’t it, this will just emulate it into my room and you can show me what is happening with your mind core and…

— I know about that and that’s exactly why I am here. Even though I tried others, this is supposed to be my last recourse to know what was happening with David… or, at least, to let someone help me find a reason for all of what happened to me.

— Interesting… You are really determined to find an answer… That’s good! That’s really good! — Doctor M. presenting the chair ready for π12-45 to sit on it. — You will feel something stinging on your mind core…

— Urgh… — π12-45 made. It wasn’t just a simple stinging.

— Now you will be connected to the room and you will be able to see what is on your memory. Just select the best archive and try to show it to me.

— Right. I’m ready…

The emulation had begun and things were getting darker.

— The first time I ‘dreamed’ I was David was when he had woken up from a yearlong coma.

The light of the room showed some strange light and lots of noises and the memory archive started…

__________

I was at my home when it had happened. My battery fluid was getting out of energy that day and I was just turning myself off, so my battery fluid would recharge properly, as anyone else does. It wasn’t a new battery fluid, it was just a regular day like any other and I didn’t do anything out of the normal. I just laid on my bed and I blanked out.

At first, I thought something happened while I was out because I wasn’t just able to open my light receivers as I normally do. It was dark like my light receivers weren’t responding to my commands. Then the sounds… The first sound I heard was a central core beating out loud. I thought my battery fluid could be overheating or expanding too much at the time. The sound was getting clear and clear… I felt hands on my body, then something on my face… I tried to ask for help in my despair… and I couldn’t recognize my own voice.

— Help… — I tried once, almost as if I was blowing something and it sounded like a treble voice. — Help… — I didn’t know what it was, but now I know… It was a child's voice.

— Hey — someone said. — I think the kid said something.

— It’s just your imagination. The kid is a vegetable. There’s no sign of his brain activity anymore.

I tried to move.

— My… body… what did you do to my body…? — I said.

— Hey boy. If you are listening to me, please, hold my hand.

I've done like the voice said and tried to hold his hand. I was about to faint and tried to say something once more.

— What did you do to my light receptors?

My body became numb and the last thing I could hear was:

— The kid is alive! The kid is… alive!

__________

— Did you wake up as you again after that?

— It wasn’t that simple…

_________

When I wake up, I was still the boy. My eyes were getting used to the new ambiance and I breathe in until my lungs were filled with air. I let it out and I finally woke up. It was dark and the only light was the light coming from the corridor next to the room I was. I was calm and it didn’t feel that different from my android body at first. I wasn’t feeling well; I felt I was… doped.

I looked above and saw a strange kind of lamp; to my left, there was a wide window; to my right, the door to the corridor was wide open and, in front of me, there was a screen turned off. I put my hands up and I finally felt something strange with my tactile receptors.

“Why I am so soft?” I thought to myself, “Is this a new kind of rubber? Why they used it on me without my permission?” and I felt something on the edge of my fingers sharp as a blade. I pressed my fingers against my hand and I felt it hurt.

— What is this? — I said to myself. — What kind of update they did to me?

I explored my whole new body and I noticed how my face was. I had lips, a nose, eyes, ears… At some point, I just thought to myself “Did someone try to turn me into a human?” I was simply joking around; I couldn’t realize I was a human. There are no humans anymore. It simply sounded like an awful joke to me, but it was too much to think about and I just turn my head to the left still thinking… Then I noticed it. The thing, the first thing I would hate with all my might. Two bright eyes were staring at me from out of the window. The simple mention of looking at it gave me what humans call goosebumps. I was suddenly feeling cold and troubled.

I looked to the other side, hoping to see the corridor to give me some relief, avoiding looking back at it. “There was nothing there,” I thought to myself seeing the corridor light flickering.

I looked back at it. It was still there… and it got closer. I turned my face away once again pretending it hadn’t noticed me. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe normally. It wasn’t working. The more I tried to breathe, the harder it was to put some air in. I closed my eyes and looked through the corner of my eyes. “It’s still there… oh, my chips… It’s closer!” I closed my eyes, turned my face to the window and opened it… “It’s looking at me…”

I couldn’t stop breathing heavier and heavier. Just looking at it was making me lose control over my body. I saw the eyes moving and I could watch it better, trying to figure it out what that was. I couldn’t say if the window was open or closed, but the thing stretched his neck inside the room and I saw it was something curved like an arm. It was supposed to be an arm; it had an elbow! The thing was getting closer to me and I was paralyzed. Then I saw its hand… its actual hand… a humongous hand opened in the air reveling its five long fingers and it landed it on the floor like a foot, and the ‘arm’ was like a very thick leg. The thing was getting inside the room. I wanted to do something. I needed to do something. The thing put his second hand in and I couldn’t stand it anymore. Looking at it made me thought that it was half a human body, but without the legs as if someone had ripped off its bottom. I felt some strange energy passing through my whole body and I ran for my life.

When I noticed where I was, I was at the entrance hall. There was one big double glass door closed, and it was dark outside there too. Someone touched my shoulder and I startled. I was kind of relieved to see it was someone who wasn’t a monster, but once I saw it was something I never saw before, I was still scared. But it was just a human. I didn’t understand what was happening and he said:

— Hey kid, are you having some nightmares? What are you doing out of your bed? — He held out his hand to me and when I touched it, he shouted in pain. — Ourgh…!

He fell to his knees and I saw the dark thing from the window with its small head on his back. It opened his back and it took off his beating heart, swallowing it whole. I took a step back from the creature and I stumbled. The thing got closer to me and opened his mouth, showing its dirty teeth.

— Hey kid! What are you doing out of your bed… — the thing said to me, using the man’s voice, smiling.

I tried to run away, turning my body to the other side. And I saw… there were more monsters than I thought. I was surrounded by them… shadows, shadows with glowing eyes, looking at me… I was utterly in danger… and I fainted again.

When I wake up, it was day and I was in the bedroom of that same bed again. I put myself up on a quick jump and looked through the window. I was on a higher floor, with nothing where anyone could climb it… and there was no lock to open the window. It was one single piece of glass.