Dr. Hugo was an imposing figure when I first met him, tall and muscular. Not at all what you would imagine a shrink to look like, and soon I would understand why. He asked me to explain my psychological history, the gravelly sound of his voice making me a little uncomfortable. I told him, expecting to be handed a prescription and to be brought in for regular appointments. I was wrong. The second I mentioned the blue monsters his entire tone changed. That was the day I met the Boss and was told all about this underground world. I was told about the creatures that were actually responsible for the darkness that hung over my head throughout my life. I will always remember what he said.

“They latch on to people. Sniffing them out and stalking them everywhere they go. They find the smallest bit of doubt, of sadness, of grief and they feed off of it. If it isn’t strong enough they will do everything they can to make it grow, sabotaging their hosts to keep them down. Some of them are more powerful than others, causing diseases and disorders. We fight them off. First by protecting the affected and then by chasing off as many of them as we can.”

Finally, I had an explanation. I was not broken, I was a victim. I was not the weak and pathetic person I had been calling myself. I was raging a secret battle against a monster I did not even know existed. A lot of us are. That was the day I decided I had to join this crusade. My eyes were opened and there was no going back. So with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, I began training under Dr. Hugo and his team. I took on a job as a social worker so I could better help the afflicted. My family still only saw me as the mentally ill disappointment. It used to make me feel even more alone and broken. It felt as though there was nothing I could do right in their eyes and that I would always be nothing more than their personal burden. Finding out about the monsters and learning how to fight them gave me a new purpose. These things are out there and now I know that they can affect anyone, at any time. Depression, anxiety, mania, psychosis, and a myriad of other disorders and symptoms suddenly had a true explanation and with that discovery, I realized just how human I was in having had these issues. I now wear the label of mental patient with pride as I fight back against my own demons and help those that cannot do the same.

I remember this resolve as I stand with the bat in my hands. It’s not the most effective weapon to use, but it will have to suffice until backup arrives. I take my first swing and it connects with one of them, throwing blue slime against the walls. It will regenerate soon, the squelching blue sludge slowly joining back together. You cannot truly destroy them, but they will leave if you fight back hard enough. They need their hosts to be complacent in order to keep them miserable. I am not an easy target for them, but they like me for some reason. They always come back. Several more have taken shape in the room, their slimy silhouettes reflecting in the bit of moonlight streaming in from outside, making them appear as if they were glowing in the dark of the room. I hope the Boss gets here soon. If this many of them try to latch on to me, I don’t know if I will make it. They are usually not this aggressive. They don’t have to be. They get what they want just by staying close to their chosen host. They know that I can see them though, and that I am capable of fighting back. That is why they must take such extreme measures to get me to submit. Their mere presence has already made me feel weaker, but I know if they win they will take over completely. I can’t give up now! I won’t let myself fall into that pit of despair again. I swing my bat around, spinning in circles, trying to keep them away from me. I take a swing at one of them and another comes up behind me. Only the reflexes I’d developed in training kept me from losing this fight.

I back myself up against a wall so that I can focus on defending my front. I continue swinging my bat, starting to enjoy the sound it makes as it connects with them. Swing. Squish. Swing. Squish. A pattern develops as I continue to swing at them. This is actually easy. Too easy. I should not be able to fight off this many of them alone, especially with such a meager weapon. There is something more going on here. I keep fighting though, feeling the energy drain from me with each strike I make. I can’t keep this up much longer.

That is when I see it. The red figure on top of the platform looks as though it is staring down at me even though it does not have eyes. Its scarlet form terrifies me more than a hoard of its friends. Now I realize what was happening. The blue creatures have halted their attack, standing over me silently. I take the opportunity to break them all up, leaving the floor slick and the walls stained. The red creature continues to watch and everything makes sense now. It had probably been hanging around for a while, much better at hiding than its buddies. Its presence makes you feel happy and elated. Makes you believe that you are the most vibrant and interesting person in the room.

I’ve had a couple run-ins with them since joining the crusade, each one taking more out of me and causing those around me to worry. When I first started seeing them, I naively thought that the red ones were good. They made people happy and excitable. They were nothing like the dreadful blue muck that slunk around corners. They stood beside people like a friend, whispering in their ears, telling them to spend their money, keeping them awake for nights on end, making them believe that they can do anything while slowly driving them mad. Then they back away and call their blue friends in to crush your spirit so that they can feed off of the seemingly endless supply of misery. The blue depression that comes after the red mania is far worse than any normal depression one could experience. The last time a red creature latched on to me, I went almost two weeks without sleep and wrote several hundred pages of a novel I never intended to write. I could not stop myself! I had so much energy and felt like I was truly alive for the first time in a while. I bought ridiculous things like fishing equipment, just in case the world suddenly ended and I needed to fend for myself. My sister ended up having to help me cover the expenses of all I bought and begged for me to go back on my pills. I was so embarrassed about the ridiculous spending but I did not want to go back to the pills because, while it would keep the creatures away, I also would not be able to see them anymore. What she was asking seemed like too much. But then the depression hit. The blue monsters were around every corner and every time I fought one off, more would come in the take their place. I soon found myself wanting to jump from the nearest building. The blue monsters were watching from the shadows as I fell apart. It was hard to get out of bed. It was hard to go to my job, and nearly impossible to help clients with their troubles when they brought even more blue shadows in with them. Even though theirs could not personally affect me, just seeing them brought a feeling of dread.

I remember one day, a mother whose children had been taken away was sitting in my office, crying and screaming about how unfair life was. Normally, I would do all I could to comfort her and help her take the necessary steps to get them back, but this time all I saw was blue. Everywhere I looked there they were, as those that were haunting her joined with mine until they occupied all the empty space. I could not fight them with her in the room. I just had to sit there in their overwhelming presence, hoping that she would leave soon. I made my decision then. I could not do this anymore. I went to the boss and got the prescription, knowing that it meant I was decommissioning myself. Life became somewhat normal and I was able to help the poor woman from that day reunite with her sons. I stabilized and got my finances back in order. I began spending more time with my family, realizing how far out of touch I had fallen while playing the martyr. I used to think that they all hated me for being the broken one in the family. This time around though, I found people that truly cared and worried about me. My mom started calling every day just to talk, my dad wanted to take me fishing with that equipment I bought while manic. Everyone wanted me to know that they still saw me as part of the family, that I was normal. I had been hiding behind my duties and behind blues and reds for so long that I tricked myself into believing that no one wanted me around and that I was better off not dragging them into this invisible war I was waging. The Boss became just Dr. Hugo and started monitoring my progress as I worked to find myself again.

Sometimes, I found myself missing the fight and missing the euphoria that came when the red creatures came around. I kept arguing with myself about staying on my pills, thinking that maybe now that they had been chased away, I would be able to go back to the fight without being affected myself. So, one day, that is what I did. I told the Boss what I wanted, and though he tried to remind me of how much better things had been going for me, he still supported my decision. I went back to work. For a while it was fine, I had no personal blue monsters lurking around me. I could focus on helping others chase theirs away. Soon I grew obsessed though, which should have been my first clue that something was up. I was following clients home from work and fighting off their blues in the middle of the night. I’m just lucky that no one caught me and called the police. I took on more and more cases, thinking that I alone could help them. I should have realized that a red creature was nearby. It made me its host and now the blues were here for their turn.

As I look up at it, with its amorphous form, I realize that I can’t continue this fight any longer. My sister has probably been calling the entire town trying to find me. My mom and dad must be beside themselves with worry. And here I stand, staring down a faceless enemy after breaking and entering. The blood is still dripping down my hand, reminding me of my reckless entry. I have had enough of this fight. There are other ways to help people fight off their demons, and there are better ways for me to fight off mine.

The blue slime slowly reforms and I prepare myself to fight again when the doors to the building slam open. The Boss and a battalion of soldiers come in, ready to fight off the monsters that plague me. I feel myself slip to the floor in relief as I watch the blue creatures fall over and over again. The boss approaches me and stoops down to my level.

“So it seems you got yourself into quite a situation here,” he says with a smirk on his face. I nod my head, too tired to speak. He has this look of understanding as he reaches to remove his bag. He digs around for a moment and I hear the sound of a pill bottle shaking.

“This is not a job that can be done forever. There comes a time when every soldier has to choose themselves over the fight, or risk losing the battle. I think your time has come. You did a good job, son,” he says as he hands me the bottle. I take it in my hand and stare at the label, knowing that he is right. “Your family are all at my office. Let’s not keep them waiting any longer.”

The Boss helps me to my feet and I see the young soldiers fighting off the monsters in the room. The sounds of their weapons creating a cacophony of noises. Part of me will miss this, but as I hobble my way from the room, I know that it is time to give it up. One day, all of those young boys in there will do the same. We walk out into the night and climb into the Boss’s awaiting car. There is a bottle of water in the console and I grab it as I swallow the pills that will make me normal again.

“Thanks for the save,” I say as we pull away. The night sky stretches out above us, the stars and moon providing little specks of light in the dark expanse of blue. I wanted to be like them, bringing others light when blue was all they could see, but even stars eventually burn out.

“ I just have one question,” I say to Dr. Hugo as we drive down the strip, “You claim that no one can do this job forever, yet here you are?” He glances over at me with a knowing look.

“I was like you once, always fighting, trying to help others deal with the things they couldn’t. But I had my own problems to deal with, and my own demons to fight. It became too much. I took pills, just like those I gave you, and I quit for a while. But once I knew about what was out there it was hard to keep myself away. One day, I realized that there are other ways to help. I started training others, allowing them to get to know the enemy, until the day they decide they had enough, too. You don’t have to see them to know they are there. I haven’t actually seen one in over twenty years.” Dr. Hugo explained. He always seemed untouchable, like the perfect soldier. Knowing that he is just like me gives me hope. I want to continue to help, just as he has. My family has been trying to convince me to go back to school, and as I look at the man beside me I realize that I should take their advice.

We pull into the office building and I see my family come rushing out. I feel guilty for having worried them, but as I get out of the car and they all rush in to hug me and check to see if I’m okay, I know that everything will be just fine. My personal fight is not over, but hopefully, their worries are. The dark expanse of the midnight blue sky stretches over our heads, peppered with beautiful stars, and while the color blue is not my favorite, even I have to admit how lovely a shade the sky is after the sun goes down. “Let’s go home.”