For the past year, I've only ever felt anxiousness, sadness and emptiness.
Since I learned the truth, I started drifting away from my parents. I know that I should've talked to them. I should've been honest to myself and to them but... When you spend the last ten years keeping what you really feel to yourself, it is hard to trust others to understand, even if they're your parents. Especially, your parents. I don't know how will they react and I'm afraid of it.
Then to add salt to the wound, I suddenly learned that I caused them grief for something that I shouldn't have taken from them. Something that I didn't have any right to take away. I always thought that even though we both experienced lost, we would always support each other because we have a connection that can never be broken. A bond that only families could have. Apparently, I was wrong. I didn't notice that she had been hiding what she truly felt about me. I was fooled and blindly believed that everything will someday be alright.
I wonder. What if I went home late that day... would I still feel what I currently feel?
What is better? To live in lies and deception and feel false happiness or to live with the ugly truth and feel emptiness deep inside?
"What are you doing staring into space?" A deep but soft voice whispered behind me. I turn and saw Kane. He, as usual, has his expressionless face but the little twitch on the corner of his lips betrayed his face.
"Nothing." I scooted to the left to give him space to sit. He slumped down and leaned at the tree. I look around and remembered that I'm still inside school grounds. I found this spot a month after I started studying here. The tree that stood in the corner of the field seemed like peaceful and a perfect place to rest back then. It was isolated from the others, just like what I felt. It always calms me to just sit under it and reflect on my day while watching other activities of the students.
"How did you found me here? No one approaches me, you're the first one."
"Maybe because you have this aura that warns people to stay away."
I chuckled at his words. That's better. I don't want other people to concern themselves. I don't have the patience to tolerate strangers trying to understand me. Besides, I always sucked at small talks.
"I saw you when I was about to leave. I told Tristan that he can go ahead."
"Why?" I gulp as I anticipated what he's about to say.
"To others, they might see you as unapproachable but all I can see is the kid that I saw back then. He was drenched with rain and mud. His nose and eyes were red from crying and his voice was hoarse and sounded like all he wanted was someone to... give him a hug."
"Charlie-" I couldn't help myself from using that name as I feel like I was back in time with him.
"I saw a reflection of myself from back then." I looked at him but he turned away at the same time. I reached for him but he suddenly stood up and offered a hand. I stared at his unreadable emerald eyes before looking at his hands.
"I'll drive you home." He said as he engulfed my arms with his warm hands. His hand covered mine with warmth and it engulfed my hand with a firm grip. I suddenly remember the boy that hugged me back then. It was what truly comforted me that day.
***
"Thank you." I smiled at him as I climd out of his car. I waited for him to drive but he turned his car off before climbing out.
"Um, Charlie. You don't have to walk me to-" I was about to tell him that he doesn't need to walk me up to my apartment but he just grinned at me and said.
"What are you talking about, Amielle?" I felt heat creep up my face so I'm sure that I'm definitely blushing. By mentioning my name, I remembered what we just talked about during the car ride.
"You called me Charlie earlier, why?" I choked with nothing at his words. I can hear mirth at his voice, probably because of my reaction. Well, you can't blame him for being curious. That name doesn't really suit him right now. Charlie suits the boy from ten years ago than the guy I'm beside right now. And I bet, only close people calls him that.
"I imagined us in that rainy day because of what you said so I can't help but call you that." I honestly told him what I said. Who else can I be honest with but him? He won't be angry, right? I glanced at him at the corner of my eyes but I can't identify his expression.
"Hmmm."
"Is that a good or bad hmm?" He chuckled. He glanced at me for a second before I choked for a second time.
"Amielle. I can call you Amielle right?"
"..." I just stared at him as the corner of his lips turned up.
"Since we're officially friends, you can call me Charlie and I'll call you Amielle."
"But..." I cleared my throat. "You do know that our nicknames for each other doesn't suit us right? It's too..."
"You don't have to call me that when we're with other people if you're not comfortable. Let's just add it as another secret between us." As he said the last bit, he looked at me for a second with a smirk before looking at the road again.
Another secret. I gulped.
"Fine. But you better not call me that in front of March because she'll have another thing to tease me with. I already hear her teasing me about Clare." I groaned as if the idea annoys me but I tried to compose myself as whaat I truly felt at the moment is nowhere near annoyance.
"Thank you, Charlie." I said to confirm that I'm truly fine with what he said.
"You're welcome, Amielle." He said as he continued driving and the as we resume listening to the radio.
"I can walk myself. It's just a couple of stairs. It's pretty late, you can go home now." I simply said.
"I'm home." I looked at him with confusion as he passed me towards the gate. My jaw dropped as he produced a key from his pocket to open the gate. I walked closer ro him.
"Why do you have a key?"
"Tristan and I rented the room in the third floor."
"What?!" I hissed. Now that I think about it, they came here before I saw them at school. So they really did rented the empty room above us.
"Since when?" I asked as I walked beside him, still shocked about the development of the situation.
"Since the day we met at school."
"So that's why you knew where I lived!"
"You just realized it now?" He laughed before putting his hands in his pocket.
Now, I feel like so much has happened in the last couple of days than a year to me. I saw a cold and attractive guy outside me window and turned out to be him, realized that we already met when we were children, my former bestfriend appeared, I suddenly had friends than March to hang out at school, then March learned at I dated Clare, Ka- Charlie told me that he liked me...
As a friend, then it turns out that we're neighbors.
"I'm exhausted." My shoulders slumped as I groaned and threw my hands in the air. I'm still surprised how carefree I can act in front of him but who couldn't when he looks at you with a grin like that.
"It's not funny." I muttered at him as we reached the second floor.
"This is me." I turned left to my room when I heard footsteps behind me. I sighed as I quickly turned around.
"You really don't have to-" I stepped back as another girl's face looking back at me in shock.
"Uh. I mean- sorry." I glanced behind her and saw the jerk peeking behind the wall while trying to hide his laughter. I glared at him before hastily apologizing again and quickly entered the safety of my room.
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