Tuesday, November 15th, 2016
All thanks to Calo, I managed to survive Monday and finish the entire day in school. Calo want home right after school, after accompanying me during the day, though he remained silent most of the day. He snapped at people who made fun of me, and not in the same funny and snarky way he did last week.
As if he is already fed up with their attitude after only knowing me for a week and staying home for almost half that time.
But he called me his friend, he told me he came to school because I needed a friend. That very simple fact, had been such a grand gesture to me, that I felt emotional, yet happier than ever.
Not even a week ago, I thought everybody would be better of without me. I wanted to end it all, I forced myself to move on as I am used to.
Keep living, in the hopes of ever feeling alive.
And because deep down inside, I know that no matter how much of a burden I am to my parents, to Pyper, to my grandparents, they love me endlessly. And killing myself would tear them apart.
They wouldn’t be able to deal with the loss of another child.
Which is another burden I have to bare. It’s the one thing I can’t be selfish in.
And now that I have a friend, a friend who came to school despite his own grief, I find it less hard to breath.
I even caught myself humming a song in the shower, but still being able to switch the lights off without any repeats. I skip my way into the kitchen, with a larger skip to pass the first two tiles. Sinking onto my chair with a content sigh.
“Morning, sweety.” My mom smiles surprised at me. “My guess is a very good day.”
I nod and smirk at her.
“Spill it, Ne.” She chuckles, giving me my breakfast before sitting down. “Pyper told us about the video, yet you’ve been more cheerful then in a very long time.”
“Did you see the video?”
“She refused to show us, but dad searched Facebook to find it. Neo, why didn’t you say it was Luke?”
“Because he threatened me. He promised me retaliation would be worse.”
“How bad is he bullying you?”
“He’s not the only one mom, all of them are. Angela was the only girl who didn’t join in on the bullying. It’s not just Luke, or Jimmy. Yes, I deal with them a lot because they’re in my class. But it’s everybody. They don’t get me.”
“I wish you would talk to us about this. We could have demanded strong actions from school a long time ago.”
“Well, I’m fine now. I think.”
“You think?” she pulls up an eyebrow. “What makes you smile so widely?”
“I think I made a friend.”
Now both her eyebrows fly up in surprise. “You have a friend?” There’s excitement in her voice and, well, in every fibre of her being.
“His name is Calo and he’s the new kid Pyper asked about last week. Remember the guy who copied my irky habits?”
“And he’s your friend?”
“His grandmother died last week, and he hasn’t been in school ever since. But yesterday he saw the video and came to school halfway throughout the day, because he thought I needed a friend. He said it himself.”
“Well, bless Calo, for putting that wide of a smile on your face.” She smiles contently. “And for putting his own sorrow aside to support you.”
“It made me sing, mom.” I chuckle a bit before taking a bite.
“You sang? Let me guess, in the shower?”
I nod and grin. “He’s my first friend, mom.” I can’t help but feel energetic and excited. I always wanted a friend, someone outside of this family. “I don’t fully trust him yet, but the fact he came to school for me… I don’t know. I cried in happiness.”
“Why don’t you invite him over soon? So that we can get to know him?”
“I don’t want to scare him away. He knows I never had a friend but if I start acting all needy and whatever, I might scare him away.”
She smiles and nods. “Just know that he’s always welcome here, okay?”
“I know. Now, could you… skip the dishes until you dropped me off?”
She frowns again, looking back to the dishes shortly. “You want me to skip them?”
“Well, we did agree on taking it as a baby step, you know? Remember? Last Friday.”
“I remember, yes. Are you sure?”
“If there’s a better time to try, please, tell me.” I smirk again, unable to fight back the smiles that keep making its way onto my face. “I have a friend now, despite all that went wrong in the last couple of days.”
“Well, in that case, I’d love to slack off and do the dishes later on. Who knows, maybe I’ll use the dishwasher for once.”
I giggle like a little girl, before I hand her the plate and glass, following her towards the sink to wash my hands. It’s with shaky hands and closed eyes, but I manage to somewhat ignore the dirty dishes.
Off course, I use disinfectant lotion in the car, but who cares.
Baby steps, right?
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