There is something I have to tell you. I know you will probably never read this, I mean why would anyone read another person’s diary? This is more for me than you, I mean I will never get the courage to tell you any of this in person. Writing it down helps with my mental health. I have to write it down, this is just so unfair, so bizarre, like a one in a million type of thing.
Let me just be clear, I had no idea who you were when I met you. I swear! I thought you were just a girl and I was just a girl and I thought that maybe it could go somewhere. You have no idea the effect you have on me, I never thought it was possible. I mean love at first sight sounds so cliché, something that only happens in fairy tales. But god I swear you have me hook line and sinker.
Let me start at the beginning, let me tell you how I fell for you on accident. If I had known when I met you I swear I never would have even entrained the idea, but I didn’t know so, it happened… okay first of all my dad is seriously the worst when it comes to communication. He told me we were going to the beach to meet his girlfriend. I had never met her until then, but apparently, it was serious, not that he told me. All he said was,
“Hey Zara, you want to go to the beach and meet my girlfriend?”
And I was like sure, I want to go to the beach. So, then I was at the beach. I’m not going to lie I am not the biggest fan of my dad dating again, let alone what he did next, but I was trying. Give me credit.
My first action was to ditch him after he introduced me, the last thing I wanted to do was spend the whole day with my dad who was already drooling over his hot blond girlfriend. So, I walked as far away as possible from them and I found myself in the little-secluded spot. The cliffside opening just slightly where a small cave invited me in. How could I resist such a mystical looking place?
Then I saw you. Sitting on that rock, swirling your finger in the water. Your blond hair was hanging over your shoulder, wet and tangled. Your beautiful milky skin had the light from the reflected water dancing all over it. Your black bikini was just revealing enough and when your eyes met mine as I came up from the water. I swear it was like you had the entire ocean in them.
“Oh sorry.” I had said. I felt like I was interrupting a private moment, that I had caught a rare sight of a mermaid in her natural habitat.
You just shook your head and smiled motioning for me to join you. So, I did. There was this playful smirk on your face, a light in your eyes as if I had come to save you from your boredom. You made me feel like a knight in shining armor.
Though I felt as if it was mortifying that you saw me like that, I mean I had my dollar store bikini on. It was so cheap that the padding made it look like I had hard erect nipples. Which was embarrassing. The red polish on my nails was chipped and in need of desperate repair. I had just cut my hair, so it was in that awkward phase between looking good and being a complete disaster. In a week it would grow out enough to be pretty. In any case, you were hot, and I was not. When you asked me what my name was I swear your voice echoed like a bell almost like you were the siren of this cave and your voice had drawn me in. I would have kissed you right then if it wouldn’t have been super creepy for a stranger to kiss you out of nowhere.
“What brings you to my cave?” You asked.
“Well I want to say destiny but is that cheesy?” I forced an awkward smile.
“No way, destiny is a powerful force not to be messed with. I’m Rose by the way. I came here with my mom, she’s is meeting her boyfriend here. She dragged me along to meet him, but I don’t think I’m ready yet.”
Then you moved your finger from the water to my arm, swirling circles on my skin.
Hinds sight 20/20 that should have been the first red flag right there, but I was too blinded by your beauty to focus on anything but your eyes.
The harder I tried to impress you, the more embarrassing I became. I wish I wasn’t such a loser. Someone like you, I could tell was the popular girl from wherever it is you came from. While I am the local loser. No one talks to me. I have no friends, I just knew you had dozens of friends. I bet if you knew how much of a loser I was you would have never talked to me.
“I bet I can lift this whole rock.” I challenged.
“You’re going to hurt yourself.” You giggled.
“No way, I’ll even lift it with you on it. I’m super strong.” I lied.
“Okay, if you can lift this rock with me on it I’ll do whatever you want.” You teased me by twirling a lock of my hair in your finger.
If I was a boy I swear this situation would have been a whole lot more awkward and embarrassing than it already was. If you catch my drift. I thought you were sending me signals, catching what I was throwing, hearing what I was saying. So, I took my shot. I was going to lift that damn rock if it was the last thing I did.
I wonder if this is why guys always act so macho in front girls they are flirting with because they are trying to impress them. Why, why am I so embarrassing!? I swear I don’t do it on purpose, I just open my mouth and then everything just comes out all wrong.
I jumped in the water and I tried to lift the rock. You were laughing at me; your laugh is so adorable. It gave me the boost I needed. I put my back and everything I had into lifting that freaking rock, and then boom, I did.
Okay not really, I just slid it into the water, and you with it. Your surprised expression made me laugh.
“Deals a deal.” I swam over to you.
“I think you cheated.” You splashed water in my face.
“Do you have proof?” I teased.
We were so close I could feel your breath on my skin.
“Fine, what am I doing then, almighty Z. Can I call you Z?”
“Yeah, you can.” I gently pushed you against the wall of the shallow cave.
I didn’t even have to say it, you just knew. Which means you were buying what I was selling. What you didn’t know was this was my first time ever doing anything like this. I guess it was because of my whole dad situation but I figured if he could drool over a girl then why couldn’t I? The fact that I was alone and that I thought I would never see you after that day may have had a factor in my courage as well.
You leaned in and I met you halfway. Your lips were extra soft from all the water. A hot whip of heat ran down my spine and rested at my core. Your hand moved to my cheek as you moved your lips against mine. I grabbed you by the hips and pulled you closer to me. Okay maybe then it wasn’t the swimsuit padding.
There couldn’t have been a more magical moment, the sun setting in the background the water orange and pink as it reflected the sky, lighting up the cave. The soft sound of the waves lapping against the stone. I was in love.
When you trailed you arms up my shoulder and slung them around my neck I melted inside.
I swear I didn’t know. I promise. If I did I wouldn’t have.
I must write what happened next in detail, just to make sure I didn’t imagine the whole thing. Because I wouldn’t put it past myself if I had. Someone as amazing as you, with me? It seems like something I would imagine.
I slide one hand to the small of your back pulling you in even closer to me. The other hand I used to grab at your thigh, running my hand up and down. You moaned into my mouth. I least I think it was you, it might have been me.
Your hands left my neck and slide slowly down my arms before moving to my chest. You felt me up through my swimsuit. That time it really was me who moaned. I let my lips break from yours and moved them to your neck. I wanted to leave my mark. Something to say Zara Scottsdale was here. So, I sucked lightly, tasting the salt on your skin.
Then things got too intense for me. Why am I such a coward? I should have just let you, I should have just gone with it. Why am I a loser? If I could go back I would.
You untied my top and let it fall into the water your hands squeezing my breast hard. I moaned loudly then. Your legs wrapped around my thigh and you started to grind yourself into me. I could feel your heat through the cold water. I was close to climaxing and you hadn’t even really done anything to me yet.
Which is why I pushed you away.
To spare me from the embarrassment of being a lightweight. Pushing you off seemed to snap you back to reality as well, your eyes got super wide and your face got really red. I turned away from you not because I didn’t want you to see me half naked, but because I didn’t want you to see how close I was from going over the edge. I quickly made myself decent and when I turned to look at you, you were already swimming out of the cave.
“Where you going!” I called after you.
“I’m sorry, I have to go.” You said.
Then you ducked underwater and swam away.
Why did I ruin it?
If I could go back…
I made the walk of shame back to my dad, to my surprise you were there. Then it hit me, and I knew it even before your mom introduced you as,
“Your new stepsister, surprise we’re engaged!” She had squealed in excitement.
The horror on your face I’m sure was mirrored on my own. I could see the hickey on your next where I had left my mark. Our speechless expressions of horror were thankfully misread as shock.
“Girls I know it’s sudden, but we’ve decided we love each other and there is no use in waiting,” Dad explained.
I swear learning you were going to be my new stepsister was like a record scratch on my life. Even with everything that had happened between us, I thought I could still go back to my life and everything would still be normal. Now there was no way anything was going back to normal.
Now I had officially made out with my new stepsister.