Dear Rosey,
I’ve never felt more horrible in my entire life. You still haven’t said more than a sentence to me since you’ve moved in. It’s been a whole week. I just want us to be okay. Can we ever be okay?
To make matters worse Blythe has let everyone know that I am her plaything. She didn’t go into specifics she just told everyone that if I didn’t do whatever she wanted she’d get me expelled. I mean as a junior I know I should just tough it out and make it to graduation, especially when this year is already halfway over, but I would be lying if I hadn’t thought about dropping out of school altogether.
So, I have to sit at her table of followers and cut her food and feed it to her. I wish she would choke. All of her friends are taking advantage of the situation and ordering me around too, and if I don’t listen then they tell Blythe. I see you staring at me, I wonder if you can see how miserable I am.
“Hey, Zara, why don’t you suck me off?” Chadwick Hunger asked.
I didn’t bother to respond to him. I figured a stupid request such as that didn’t need an answer. But he kept following me in the hall as I walked to my next class carrying Blythe’s books.
“Come on, I’ll go easy on you.” He squeezed my butt.
I slapped his hand away.
“What do you say?” He put his hand back.
“Leave me alone.” I snapped at him.
Blythe was just watching this exchange, waiting for the right moment to jump in.
“Come on be of good use.” He grabbed me by the neck and threw me to the ground forcing me on my knees. Right in the middle of the hall, I dropped Blythe’s stuff.
He tried to put my face in his crotch.
“Get your own Chad.” Blythe pushed him.
“You can share.”
“Keep in your pants pervert.” Blythe snapped at him.
Then she helped me up and waited for me to pick up her stuff, then she snagged my arm in hers and dragged me to class. She stopped me before we went inside the classroom and pulled me aside.
“After school come to my house.”
“Why?” I asked, still recovering from Chad.
“Because I said. I’ll text you the address, or do you just want to wait for me after school?”
“I can drive myself,” I grumbled.
She smiled a devious smile and skipped into class. I have to sit next to her in class now. The professors are eating this up, they think that Blythe and I have finally made amends. They have no idea what's really going on. My fellow peers do, but the professors are clueless.
After school, I went home to take a shower. I had a feeling I was going to need to. I was afraid Chad had put some idea’s in her head and we might go farther than kissing. When I got out you cornered me.
“Why do you let those people treat you like that at school?” You asked.
I was surprised, a whole sentence. You finally talked to me. You had this look in your eyes. I could tell you were genuinely worried about me. You had every reason to be. I felt nauseous as I pondered telling you the truth.
“It’s complicated,” I muttered
“They are not your friends you know that right?”
“Trust me I know, I hate them.”
“Then why do you do whatever they say?”
“Why do you care I thought I was nothing but a desperate freak.” Okay not my best line, but I was still hurting from your words.
You didn’t say anything you just turned away and started to walk away.
“Wait. Please, I’m sorry I just, I don’t… Can we start over, please? I don’t want it to be like this all the time. We can just act like it never happened.” I offered.
You stood there with your back to me. I wondered what you were thinking. If you thought it might be impossible for us to be normal. I thought so because despite my best efforts I couldn’t forget the taste of your lips. I don’t want to forget.
“Okay, I’d like that. We can just be normal stepsisters.” You turned to me.
I’ll admit I was disappointed, that's not what I wanted. I wanted to talk about it. I wanted you to tell me why you did that if you weren’t into girls and had a boyfriend. Well at least you said you had one, but I still have yet to see any proof.
“Okay, yeah.” I forced a smile.
“Can we talk?” You asked.
“We are talking.”
“No like a serious talk, where we aren’t just standing awkwardly in the hallway.”
I nodded and led you into my room. I was nowhere near finished unpacking; my stuff was everywhere, and I was mortified you saw my room like that. You sat on my bed and I sat next to you. I was nervous, I thought you were going to talk about it. But instead, you said,
“Does your dad know you’re gay?”
“What? Um no. I barely found out I was gay a year ago. Why?”
“How did you know, I mean how did you find out?” you looked so cute fidgeting with your hands like that.
You wouldn’t meet my eyes, but it doesn’t take a genius to know you were asking because you were confused about your own sexuality. Your cheeks were pink, so freaking cute. It should be a crime to be this cute. How could anyone stay mad at you? I sure as hell couldn’t.
“Well, it was a little less than a year ago. We had a school trip to the museum downtown. While we were there I saw this couple making out in the food court, they were both girls. I don’t know, everyone laughed, but it kind of affected me more than the others. I just realized that I wanted to do that, that I thought girls were attractive. I haven’t had any good experiences with guys, so yeah, I guess that makes me gay.” It was my turn to fidget and feel uncomfortable.
The truth was I didn’t have this moment of experimentation or a crush on a girl that made me realize that I might bat for the other team. I just knew if that makes sense. Some people would probably doubt me considering that I have never really been with a boy to know if I was sure, but I know I’m sure. I know myself. If that makes sense.
“You could be Bi-sexual, which is when you like boys and girls,” I said when you still hadn’t said anything.
“What? No, I’m straight.” You completely shut me down.
“Rose.”
“What we did, I was just curious that’s all. I know I’m straight.” You sounded like you were trying to convince yourself more than me. I decided I should drop it for now.
“Okay, well yeah, if that’s all you wanted to know.” I stood to leave.
“Wait, I know I was a jerk before. I’m sorry, really. I shouldn’t have said those things. I’d never tell your dad, I promise.”
“I’m sorry too. And for what it’s worth I’d never tell your mom either.” I should have told you then about Blythe, but I didn’t want to ruin it. Not when I just barely fixed it.
“Thank you, and it’s Rosey. You can call me Rosey everyone who’s close to me calls me Rosey.”
I know, your mom told me. She told me that once you warmed up to me you would say to call you Rosey. I’m glad you gave me that right. Still, it wasn’t the kind of closeness that I wanted. No, I didn’t mean that. We are just going to be normal. It might take me a while, but I will get over this stupid crush. I promise. I won’t make this weird.
“Okay, Rosey. I’ll see you when I get back. I have to uh, go to a study group. I have a lot to catch up on.” I lied.
“K. see you when you get back Z.”
When you called me Z I couldn’t help but let my cheeks flush. It brought me back to that moment, I saw your cheeks flush and I knew you were thinking about the same thing I was. But I forced a smile and nodded, trying not to make it weird.
When I got to Blythe’s house her parents weren’t there, she was alone. She led me upstairs to her room and had me sit on her bed as she went to the restroom. When she came out she was wearing nothing but a robe. My heart started racing.
“Okay Zara, you are going to give me a message.” She held out a bottle of lotion.
“Wait what? I don’t know---”
“I can show you.” She cut me off and came to sit next to me.
She grabbed the bottom of my shirt and before I could stop her lifted it over my head.
“What are you doing?” I hissed.
“Shut up and lay on your stomach.”
So, I did. Then she undid my bra. I felt uncomfortable. Still, I let her pour the cold lotion on me and then her hands started running up and down my back. I took a shaky breath as she rubbed me in all the right ways. For once. She massaged my muscles and I could feel myself melt into her bed.
“The key is to find the tense spots.” She said.
I just let out a satisfied sigh. I didn’t know Blythe could do anything not horrible. Maybe there was hope for her yet, but then her hand slid to my side and she definitely felt up a good handful of side boob. The good feeling was gone.
“I can do you now,” I said to get her to stop.
She slowly slid her hands down my back before moving off of me and waiting for me to get up. I grumbled and refastened my bra strap. She just eyed me like a cougar eyes its food. A wicked smile on her face. I moved to grab my shirt, but she stopped me.
“You should let your back dry first.” She said.
I glared at her but moved so she could lay down. She undid her robe and laid on her stomach, her robe just barely covering her butt. I tried not to show how nervous I was. I didn’t even know why I was so nervous, it was just a message. Plus, I hate Blythe. But having a naked girl under me as I ran my hands all over her body was doing something to me. I blame the hormones.
I put the lotion on her back and did just as she did to me. She moaned in pleasure as I worked through her tense muscles.
“Yes, Zara just like that.” She moaned.
I could feel my face getting hot.
“Tell me about it.” She said as I just continued to rub her back.
“Huh?”
“Tell me what it was like to makeout with your sister.”
My face got redder.
“Stepsister.” I corrected her.
“Whatever just tell me.”
“Why?”
“Because I said.” She snapped.
“Well, I didn’t know she was my stepsister when we did it. I mean it was a spur of the moment type thing.”
“Tell me what made you fall for her.”
“There was this look in her eyes, the way they sparkled like the water. Her voice, it’s really pretty, and her laugh... The way she laughs its like she has no care in the world. I don’t really know that much about her, but I want to.” I admitted.
“Wait you still want to do her even though she’s your sister now.” She sat up and faced me.
“What, no, I didn’t mean that. I mean, like a sister. I don’t---”
“Liar, liar pants on fire.” She crossed her arm over her chest, I did my best not to look.
“Shut up. Why do you care anyway?” I felt my face get even redder if that was possible.
“Were you thinking of her when I kissed you?” She asked.
I wanted to deny it, but I knew she would say I was lying. So, I just shrugged and looked at my hands instead of at her.
“You’re too cute.” She said.
I looked up at her then, she got red herself like she had just let something slip that she shouldn’t have. To quickly play off her mistake she went on,
“Too innocent I bet you haven’t gone past second base.”
“I haven’t,” I admitted.
She forced a laugh. Then she grabbed my hands and forced me to place them on her Midriff. She was very toned, due to volleyball.
“Do my front now.” She said.
I nodded and pushed her down on the bed. I couldn’t help but stare at her chest then, it was literally right in front of me. I focused on her midriff and her stomach not going any higher than that. We were both quiet after that. She was breathing heavy as she watched me run my hands up and down her body.
“Touch me.” She demanded.
“No,” I said.
“Touch me or else.”
I sighed and moved my hands up to her breast. She moaned softly and let her head fall back into her pillow. Her nipples got really hard. I guess she couldn’t take the torture for long because she sat up grabbed my face and forced me to kiss her.
I jerked back in surprise. She bit my lip to hold me in place.
“Kiss me,” she whispered.
“Blythe, this, this isn’t right. What you’re doing to me is---”
“Shut up and kiss me like you mean it.”
So, I did. Admittedly it is probably not healthy to be thinking about my stepsister when I am kissing another girl. But what could I do? Kissing you was like magic, kissing her was like torture.
She grabbed my hands and forced me to touch her. I thought about how you touched me. I was getting close again. I wasn’t in Blythe’s room anymore, I was back in that cave. And when Blythe kissed me on the neck I said,
“Oh god, Rosey.”
She pulled back, I felt the color drain from my face. She looked angry.
“You really are thinking about her.” She accused.
“I didn’t mean to,” I say.
She pushed me off the bed. There were tears in her eyes, but she quickly sucked it up and grabbed her backpack and threw it at me.
“Do my homework.” She said before putting her robe back on and retreating back into the bathroom.
It was only then that I started to wonder what exactly was going on here. What did she expect me to act like? Did Blythe like me? How was that even possible with our history? Two months ago we literally tried to beat the other to death.
I put my shirt on then. When she came back out of the bathroom I decided I would try and find out what exactly this was.
“Blythe, why do you keep making me kiss you?”
“Because I can.”
“But why? Wouldn’t it be better to just have me publicly humiliate myself over and over, why all of this?” I gestured to her room.
“I’m curious.” She shrugged.
“About?”
“Girls. Every time I’m with a guy, I don’t really feel anything.” She admitted.
“Oh, well do you feel something with me?”
“Do you want me to feel something with you?”
“No.” I didn’t even hesitate to answer.
No way would I want to be in a relationship with someone as horrible as Blythe. Especially Blythe after everything she’s done to me. I couldn’t trust her, I couldn’t trust that she would take me seriously. I wanted her to know that.
“What if I did feel something?” she asked.
“Do you?”
We stared at each other in silence for a while. I decided that would be my cue to leave.
“Blythe after everything we’ve been through I don’t think I could ever feel something for you. You are a horrible person and the only reason why I’m here with you right now is that you are holding something over me.” I stood to leave.
“You’re no saint either. Don’t act like you are. You are just as horrible as I am.”
“I’m trying to change,”
“Are you really?”
“I am, and you should too. I’m done with your games. It’s not good for my health to keep doing this. It’s not good for yours either.”
“You can’t leave, I own you now. If you leave I’ll tell everyone.” She threatened.
“This is what I’m talking about! How can you expect me to just be complicit if you act like this?”
She was quiet after that, so I turned to leave.
“We used to be close.” She said.
“And now we aren’t.”
“But I want us to be.”
“And I don’t.”
“I can change too.”
I turned to look at her. I wanted to believe her Rosey, I really did. But with all, she put me through I couldn’t. I wouldn’t give her the benefit of the doubt, she didn’t deserve it. She knew she didn’t deserve it.
“You need help,” I said, then I grabbed my stuff and left.
When I came home I was a blubbering mess. I felt horrible, Blythe always makes me feel horrible. You saw me, I should have told you everything. I should have told you I can’t forget and that I wanted to be with you. But I didn’t.
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