So, here I am, uncomfortable and nervous while Jack is introducing me to his whole brigade of Newsies; all of who by the way are older and bigger than me so... I have to tilt my head upwards just to look them in the eyes. I mean, I have a hard enough time trying to keep eye contact with Jack let alone consistently keep eye contact with a bunch of strangers.
I usually wouldn't have actual contact with more than a few people a day excluding the other boys I worked with - but never said a word to due to the rules - and now I was shaking the hands and saying an uncertain 'hey' or 'hello' to at least twenty or more people.
To say that it was uncomfortable was an understatement. I tried to be polite and smile, accept the sincere apologies that every single one of them gave me and tell them I accepted it. I was quite touched actually, they all seemed to be genuinely asking me for forgiveness for what they did; and call me insane but I was starting to feel like maybe I could fit in with them. I might be wrong, i'm actually probably wrong but i'm going to be wishful in my thinking for as long as I can. Hope is the only thing that makes it okay.
A rich man could never understand that hope is what drives us.
It drives us to do better things and to strive for a better life.
"So, like I was tell'en ya, jus come ta me if you're ever in need'a anything. Anything ya need don't hesitate ta ask."
I smiled and shook the hand of the last Newsie, I think Jack called him Blink.
"Thank you." I said, chuckling as he swept his hat off his head and preformed a low bow to me before he turned on his heels and walked away, sending me a wink before he turned.
I was feeling so much better now, and I owed it all to Jack Kelly.
Well... I guess it was time for my apology now.
I turned myself in the direction Jack was standing and swallowed nervously, taking in a reassuring breath before I started to make my way over to him.
It's funny how your mind works isn't it? One moment I was hurting and cursing my life but then Jack showed up again and became the light at the end of the tunnel - the tunnel of my life- only to be the one to snuff the light out again and leave me stumbling in darkness when I ran away. But then... he showed up again, he pulled me out of the pit of despair I had somehow fallen into again and now I was here. I owed him another thank you, along with an apology.
Oh yeah, I guess I should tell you a little of what happened last night after I asked Jack 'bout becoming a Newsie.
I mean... after he spent at least five minutes apologizing again and again but after that we went back to his... house? It was sorta on the roof of an abandoned building so it wasn't exactly a house but... I though it was brilliant. Jack called it his penthouse, and it was a fitting name given that it was way high up in the sky. (It was a pain to climb up the ladder for me since I had my stupid leg but don't tell Jack that.)
So anyways, we made it back to his house and den we just... talked for a bit. I explained to him what had happened on that day and then told him what I had been up to. And in turn he told me what he had been up to.
I had been smugly happy but not at all surprised when Jack told me that he had been looking for me, and that Smalls had set off a false alarm when she 'found' me.
I just chuckled at that and told him that I had seen Smalls from the moment I let and ditched her on purpose. I didn't want to be found then, and I was good at hiding.
The only thing I didn't tell him about was... that time. I-I mean, I guess it wouldn't have really mattered to him since i'm not... i'm not really his concern but... I don't know, I didn't want him to be disappointed in me at what I almost did. I wasn't really ashamed of my actions so to speak because... My life really wasn't something that was worth saving but... Well, this is to complicated and i'll think about it another time that isn't now.
I know, that's a great way to deal with something... not.
After that we slept - thankfully Jack allowed me to sleep in his territory - the next morning we went down to the paper stand to 'make things right' as he said. He was crazy with anticipation and I was crazy nervous, it felt just like it had a couple weeks ago before everything had happened; and if I said that I knew everything would be okay I would definitely have been lying.
I laughed and scolded myself for being so childish, everything would be alright now. Because this time it was gonna be different. And that wasn't just my silly, always optimistic mind telling me things.
As I made my way over to Jack I smiled and waved at a few of the Newsies I had just met, the fact that they waved and smiled at me first made a little bubble of happiness erupt in my chest every time one of them did that.
I waited for Jack to be done talking with one of his Newsies before I cleared my throat to get his attention, squaring my shoulders and lifting my head a little more confidently.
"I'm sorry Jack."
At first he looked confused as I approached him but then he smiled and his his hand ran through his hair. I wasn't quite done yet though.
"I'm sorry fir run'in away da o'da day before I talked ta you about it 'an didn't let'cha explain. I'm sorry fir hiding in'da days follow'in and not trusting you. I had no reason ta doubt your kindness 'cause you've been nothing but nice ta me. And, I thank you for that."
I let out a relieved breath and my eyes closed for a few seconds before I looked back up at Jack with a smile. There, I said it, now I don't need to feel guilty and we is fair and square. Good, i'm glad it's this now now; as it should be.
Jack rearranged his hat and straightened out the strap on his newspaper bag before he sent me a kind - and dare I say fond - smile, his hand coming to rest on my shoulder. He pulled me into a short hug and ruffled my hair, making my hat slip down onto my face and over my eyes slightly.
"Thanks Crutchie, that really means a lot to me kid. But hey, I don't want no more apologizes coming from ya. We is square now."
I nodded eagerly.
"Fair and square."
I repeated, a smile quirking at the side of my lips before I straightened up and wiped a bit of dirt off of my cheek.
"Crutchie, Newsie of Manhattan report'in for duty Jack."
I added a mock salute to the end of my statement and gave him a wink, which in turn made him laugh and throw a bag full of papers at me.
"Those are on me, you can pay me back when ya get'cha first pay. Don't sweat it though, you'll make it."
I caught the bag with both hands and slung it around my neck and shoulder with more enthusiasm than I had done something in a long time. This was really happening, it wasn't just a dream.
The courtyard had pretty much emptied by now, the call of 'papers!' or 'get'cha papes'ere!' echoing off the alleyway as Newsies of all ages took to the streets to earn their daily bread.
"So... should we?"
My sight trailed over to the alley leading out to the main Manhattan streets, than back to Jack.
He didn't give any answer but pushed himself off the brick wall he had been leaning on and strode past me, not before he tossed me a long stick of wood with a rag wrapped around the handle.
"You're named Crutchie for a reason, sell it pal and remember what I told'ya yesterday. Good luck Crutch, I know you can do it!"
The advantage to a disadvantage.
I thought to myself before grinning at the wink me sent me and following after him. At a bit of a slower pace mind you while I practiced walking with such a 'limp'.
"Meet me at da ladder at sunset, I know you can take care'a yourself but i'll tell the o'da boys 'round these parts dat you're one'a us now. See ya tonight!"
He waved and smiled at me before he disappeared around the corner of the building where dey actually printed the papers we sold.
I smiled as I thought of the word we. Yes, I sold them to now.
Right before I took the last step - well, the last hobble really - I secured the bag of papers around my shoulder and limped my way out into the bustling street, almost colliding head on with a man. I prepared myself to get yelled at and cringed, flinching my head away from him just in case he decided to do something more than yelling.
But than I stopped, remembering that I was a Newsie now I stayed hunched in and just tilted my head up enough so I could look at the man's face, giving him what I hoped was a forlorn expression while I heavily leaned on my crutch.
"Buy a'pape sir? Just a penny'a pape."
I saw anger flash across the man's face before a look of pity overtook the former more hostile emotion. I smiled inwardly at this, this meant that I was doing a good job.
"Sure boy, gimmie two."
Two? Score!
I nodded, hopefully not to eagerly and gave him a grateful thank you, even managing to wince just to seal the deal as I reached into my paperbag and drew out two crisply printed papers.
I accepted the two pennies with another gracious thank you and set the papers in his outstretched hand.
We parted ways without another word and I fought the urge to holler and whoop out loud in success. I did it! I sold my first paper!
I looked into my bag and carefully counted the contents.
45... 46... 47... 48... Wow, isn't that kinda a lot?
Well, that didn't matter. If Jack bought all of these for me than that means he thought I could sell them.
I wasn't going to let him down if I could help it.
I was gonna make Jack proud!
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