{Chapter Fifteen}
“Leviathan Newark! Why are you still in bed? You're already going to be late for school.” That's what I wake up to this morning, my mom yelling at me and shaking me violently as if that's going to urge me to get up.
I don't bother telling her that I'm skipping today because she's going to nag me for sure. However, when she leaves my room and after I turn on my radio, playing probably one of the sappiest break up songs– Apologize by OneRepublic. I realize I can't skip today. Today is of course the last day of the project so I have to slap on a fake smile, hand in everything, and give my presentation.
It makes me groan heavily but prompts me to get out of bed anyway. I reluctantly change into a fresh pair of clothes, fix my disheveled hair, and ignore the deep black bruises under my eyes from the lack of sleep I got last night.
This is probably the worst day that I have to give my presentation. Scratch that, this *is the worst time to give my presentation.
I decide to go with my original plan of skipping school but instead I just skip first period so I can take a proper shower. I remove my clothes once more, tossing them in the hamper even though they're clearly not dirty, and get into the shower.
The steaming water cascades down my back and burns my skin along the way but it's a welcome distraction from my thoughts. Thoughts that have been stuck on Ian since last night when he kicked me out of his house and slapped me, or rather the other way around. Even now I can hear his harsh words, feel the sting of his hand slapping me. The feel of his surprisingly strong arms pushing me into his door.
Though those memories hurt ten times worse than the memory of his body lying with me, sleeping peacefully. His gray eyes looking at me with love.
Because it's those memories, the good ones, that kept me up all night while I wished over and over that I didn't say anything to him.
I sigh heavily and get out of the now lukewarm shower, shutting off the water then wrapping a towel around my waist. I leave the bathroom and retrieve a pair of black jeans and a white t-shirt from my closet. I put the clothes on and slip on a pair of black boots before I grab my things to leave the house.
I slide into my car, plugging my phone in so I can continue listening to Apologize on a loop despite the fact that the song is so overplayed. I don't mind though, because although I know every single lyric and can rehearse it by memory merely because of how much it's been played on the radio, it's the only song in my phone that won't make my mood worse.
I drive through the nearly deserted town, deserted because it's already half past eight and everyone is either in school or work. It's nice though since I don't have to wait so long for lights to change or cars to cross at stop signs. I get to the school in good time, which I guess is a good thing, though what isn't good is the fact that since I missed first period there aren't any good parking spots. So I'm forced to park in the back so far that it'll take a good ten minutes just to walk to the main school building.
When I finally get into the main building, apologizing quickly to the security guard's disapproving glare as I slip through the front doors right as the bell rings that signals first period is over. I make it to my locker before slumping against it and sighing heavily. I stay like that for a minute before finally turning and taking what I need for my next class out of it and trudging to said class.
The day seems to move at a snail's pace as I move from class to class, handing in homework and basically continuing in autopilot. Even my presentation, something that's worth a good part of the grade for my project, went by in a blur as I rehearsed what I had earlier written down for the speech and merely clicked buttons to change the slides.
No one seemed to notice though, they all clapped, the teacher nodded her approval, I guess it went well. Even at lunch while Jess and Lydia were bickering about the latest song they heard, or was it whether or not they'll move if Trump becomes president. I can't recall, but in any case they didn't seem to notice my disinterest in everything.
Though, when I was finally released from the hell that is school, and started driving to my mom's work, I realized something. I need to cheer up because not only am I sure Jer will notice my less than normal mood, I also know I'm probably being dramatic and stupid. I shouldn't be this upset about what happened with Ian, my happiness shouldn't rely on someone else. But even if my rational mind knows that, my heart won't stop hurting from the loss.
Despite those thoughts I change the music on my phone to Rob Zombie so I'm not listening to sappy chick music and push all thoughts of Ian out of my head so I can focus on being happy. Yeah right, happy. I snort in indignation at that and turn up the song to drown out my thoughts.
Halfway through Living Dead Girl I make it to my mom's work and park in my usual spot, realizing this is going to be the last time I'm here. The last time I'll step out on the cracked sidewalk that somehow always manages to trip me despite the fact that I know about the large divot in the cement, no doubt from something heavy falling on it. I'll no longer be whipping numerous dead leaves from the large oak trees off my windshield when I leave.
Even when I enter the office, I find myself realizing that I'll miss the snarky receptionist who's name I still can't for the life of me remember despite hearing the simple thing numerous times. I walk through the hall, passing my mom's office that's empty, and after making a mental note to ask Jer about that, I go to Jer's office. I knock on the door but there's no answer so I knock again, this time a bit harder. Still no answer.
I briefly wonder if Jer took my mom out to lunch, or took her on a meeting for lunch, but then I recall seeing his black 4Runner parked outside so he's obviously here. I knock once more on the door but when there's still no answer I try the handle. It's unlocked so I go ahead and push it open, blinking as my eyes adjust to the dark room. The only light in the room is coming from the open door, flooding the light from the hallway into some of the room.
I close the door behind me, not really thinking about the room being dark, and feel around for the light switch. I find it pretty quick and flick the lights on, blinking a few times so my eyes will adjust. Then I gasp when my eyes land on Jer, shaking in the corner with his arms wrapped around his legs and head resting on his knees.
I honestly don't know what to do at first, I never thought Jer could look so vulnerable, so young. I do however find myself locking the door and carefully making my way over to him, avoiding the papers strewn all over the floor, the fabrics and clothes and even Jer's cell phone. I bend down in front of him, noticing that his eyes are closed tight and he's mouthing some words I can't catch.
“Jer,” I touch him and he jumps, before trying to push himself back further but he's already as far in the corner as he can get.
“Levy,” he chokes out, his bloodshot eyes glancing around the empty room in fear.
“What's wrong?” I ask, reaching out to place my hand on top of his that are now resting on his knees.
“I heard them, they were here, I swear I could hear them.” He whispers. I tilt my head to the side in confusion, wondering who he's talking about.
“Who?”
“Them, my parents. They were yelling at me, I could hear it, I could hear my dad.” He shudders and fear flashes through his eyes before he shuts them tightly and bites his lip. His hands clamp around his knees, digging his nails into them.
“Hey, hey, hey. Calm down, look at me.” I order softly. His eyes open and I smile a bit. I gently pull his arms from his legs and pull them gently. He seems to understand because he moves into my arms and rests his head on top of mine. The position in general is actually pretty awkward, as he's half on his knees, kind of hugging me while I'm also on my knees. But I ignore that and keep my arms around him nonetheless to comfort him.
He doesn't say anything for a while but his body slowly begins to relax, the shivering ceasing. He seems to take a couple deep breaths but even when he seems to be calm he doesn't move. I let him stay like that for a few more minutes in case he's still trying to calm down but finally I break the silence.
“Jer,” I start and he pulls away, clearing his throat a bit.
“I'm sorry you had to see that.” He mumbles, standing up and offering me his hand. I take it and he helps me to my feet. He brushes his pants off as if there's dirt on them then runs his hand through his hair, averting his gold eyes from mine.
“What happened?” I ask and he sighs a bit.
“It was nothing, I just had a small anxiety attack. I'm sorry if I alarmed you.” He adds.
“You didn't alarm me. What were you talking about when you mentioned hearing your parents yelling?” I question, remembering how he had shuddered when he mentioned his dad.
“Nothing, they just used to yell a lot.” He mutters and though I know he's not telling me the full story I leave it alone because I know he'll tell me when he's ready.
“I'm sorry to hear that.” I reply, and I really am. I couldn't imagine going through that, hearing my parents yell. I know they have occasional fights but they never yell at each other, they usually resolve it in less than an hour. Just the thought of having to hear them yell in anger makes me sad, I would hate it if they did. He shakes his head though, making some of his hair drop into his face.
“It's fine, I don't have to deal with that anymore.” He says and though he's right, I know it's anything but fine. He obviously has problems because of his parents' yelling and he doesn't look fine either. It obviously affects him on a deep level, as it would for any kid who's parents yell. I don't say anything more though because I know he wants to drop the subject, so I change it.
“This is the last day of the whole shadowing thing.” I state, grabbing his wrist and pulling him over to the couch. He just shrugs and takes a seat next to me.
“I know, it's kind of nice.” He says and I smile a bit until he casually tosses his arm over my shoulders, pulling me a tad closer to him. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with the position but for some reason that makes me think of Ian, and my lack of communication with him. My lack of contact with him.
My heart seems to clench and I bite my lip before turning a bit to rest my head on Jer's chest. I take comfort in his strong chest, the muscles I can feel just under his shirt, the sound of his steady heartbeat. I know though, while I lie there in the comfortable silence, that I have to tell Jer about Ian. It's only fair I tell them both, they need to know.
I only hope Jer reacts better than Ian did because if he leaves me too, I'll be beyond crushed.
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