I’m glaring.

At who, I’m not sure, but that’s what I’m doing right now cause I’m annoyed as hell. And what’s making me even more frustrated is that one of the two possible choices for ‘Who am I glaring at?’ doesn’t even know why I would be in the first place.

Marcella knows though.

As my girlfriend, who has brought this guy to what is now our fourth “Three People Date,” (or as I like to call it ‘one person TOO many date’ but that's a bit long) Marcella knows exactly why I’m shooting daggers.

But Mr.FluffyMush-sparklyeyes doesn’t seem to have noticed. He has those eyes closed, just sipping away on his super sugary caramel choco walnut-disgustingly sweet milkshake disaster. Complete with a dopey smile...ugh, typical. Well, I mean for him at least.

Now, the first time that I met this guy...I thought “This dude is an idiot”. I have been proven correct, but that’s not entirely the point. Anyway, there I was sitting on MY couch, in MY house, waiting on MY girlfriend so that we TWO can have our planned movie night.

But when I go to let said girlfriend in, this…”Thing” is standing right beside her.

Now, I know you might think name calling is unprecedented for a first meeting, but my response to that is I’m not even name calling. There’s no other word; he just didn’t look human.

To be fair, it was dark, with only my dying porch light illuminating him in that antique orange color, and I had just got done with a test so my head was kinda fuzzy… Okay I was extremely out of it. He’s still weird.

First was his hat. The hat was one of those winter hats with the drooping sides that are like mittens, but it was the furriest mess of brown fluff I’ve ever seen. I think it was supposed to be a dog but it looked like a beat-up Chewbacca.When I looked closer I realized some of the ‘fur’ was curly and shined a little more than the rest. It turned out to be his hair that had become one with the hat.

Then, if you did a quick once over of the guy you'd notice his very...loud socks. Okay, so they were glow- in-the-dark and my brain just processed it as he glows and is furry.

Crap we're being invaded.

“Jordan...this is Hunter”

I am not proud to say that my first thought was ‘that’s a very human sounding name for an alien’ or that it took me a good solid moment of blank before remembering Marcella existed and looking to her gesturing at this ‘Hunter’.

After a second glance, I deduced that he was not in fact an alien...but boy was he handsy.

“Nice to meet you, Jordan!” My right hand that wasn’t currently holding my door open was grabbed by both, not one, BOTH of the ‘Hunter’s mitten (they were hideous Christmas ones) hands and then shaken like a kid trying to hear that one quarter in their piggy bank. “Thank you so much for letting us come over! I’ve been dying to watch old horror films since my cousin sent me a screenshot a couple days ago of a vampire whose fang had started to fall off! Ha, can you believe it!?”

Nope. No I could not. I...no. It was too much, he was too much. I’m not a touchy person and this guy touched me within ten seconds of meeting.

But his oddness seemed to have fried my brain beyond repair because I just made an unintelligible “uhhh” while stepping aside. (I was trying to get away from...that)

Good enough invitation for him, reaching back to take Marcella’s hand (which made me clench my teeth), he breezed inside just like he did my life.

I was not prepared.

My house isn’t really mine, so it’s super cozy and cramped compared to my clean, simple room. I have a very adventurous and successful photographer aunt who happened to live near my college, so you can guess who her fav nephew roomie is.

Pop pop pop pop

What the hell?

I know it’s popcorn. I also know there’s no way Hunter could’ve found popcorn that quickly, and Marcella and I haven’t dated long enough for her to know where things are so…

“I brought extra popcorn if you want some,” Hunter says just as I step into the tiny kitchen, crammed with three people,, and I watch in fear as he proceeds to pull three more bags of kettle corn (which I actually do like but Marcella hates) from his hoodie’s oversized pocket.

“Um,” I glance at the other contents of his pocket and spy rainbow sprinkles, candy corn, icing and mnm’s, “no thanks.” My blood would become sugar if I ate that.

“Suit yourself,” he shrugs his...actually fairly broad shoulders. Now that I’m thinking about it, let’s take a less alien-biased look at “Hunter”.

He’s about an inch shorter than me. (suck it) His build made his shoulders broad, yet he seemed like a gangly, unhealthy teenager. His stomach looked a bit pudgy from what I could tell, but his arms are long and look like he hasn’t grown into them. Completely opposite of my fitness schedule regulated body. He reminded me of a baby horse or a puppy that hasn’t grown into his paws.

His skin looked naturally tan especially compared to Marcella and I’s pale skin. His brown mess of curls also contradicts both our black shiny hair.

To put it simply. My girlfriend would get mistaken for my sister if she didn’t have korean eyes.

Unfortunately, I could tell he was cute, in a charming unusual way. So I got why Marcella might take a liking to him despite the PAINfully obvious nerdiness surrounding his...attire.

Wait a sec…

Marcella.

I whip around because my brain finally decides to flash CHEATING in that bold red ‘the ship is sinking’ mayday-type sign. Even though Hunter hadn’t said the word ‘girlfriend’ I remembered how he took Marcella’s hand and how he was at OUR date night.

Sure enough she’s fiddling with the brass handle of a drawer in the furthest possible place she could be while still being in the kitchen.

“May I see you for a sec?” I manage to sort of grin and push the words out as I grab her arm and pull her into the living room. Hunter looks concerned but Marcella waves him off with a “we’ll just be a second.”

Once we get outside, I let go of her arm and politely ask “What the hell?”

Marcella rolls her fake-eyelash, pointy winged eyes at me (which is odd because she usually goes very casual for our movie dates), “He’s just a friend from uni, who’s very friendly. You saw how he is.”

Yeah I did, very friendly...and touchy. Still, I'm not an idiot.

“Does he know you’re ‘just a friend’?” I ask, hoping that boundaries were set. That maybe Marcella would try to set them so that I wouldn’t freak out.

Shrugging her shoulders, “He should,” is the only response I get from Marcella.

...well I guess if she's really trustworthy, that would be something one such would say...but also that was vague as heck.

No no no I think (mentally shaking my head) We’re too tired to jump to conclusions. It could have been a spur of the moment thing. Maybe he didn’t have a ride home, so she offered. Maybe she had a presentation she didn’t tell me about so she wore makeup...Maybe.

Apparently Hunter got concerned enough to pop his curly brown haired head across the kitchen doorway. “Everything, Ok? Marcella did we come at a bad time? Your friend looks exhausted.”

Excuse me!? I know I look like a hell raccoon but you don’t have to point that out, Mr. Girlfriend-Stealer! (This less exhausted part of my brain may have realized that comment for the concern of my well-being that it was, but at this moment I had that part on silent and was disliking this guy more by the minute.)

“I’m fine!” I snap, and I’m a little pleased to see Hunter’s shoulder’s jump at this, but he was right. I really am exhausted and my spur of annoyed energy defuses as fast as it came; with a sigh, I mumble-suggest “Let’s just watch the movie, already” and drag myself over to the beat up leather couch before slumping into it.

Yes, I throw tantrums when I’m tired. Usually, though, I’m a very put-together guy as far as college dudes go...so back off.

A few minutes, and three big bowls of popcorn (I mean sugar disaster) later they join me...aaannd by ‘join me’ I mean Hunter plops himself nearly on my lap before turning towards Marcella and grinning as he pats the spot next to him.

I was ready to yell, normally I would have. I would kick this personal space invading, furry alien out the door in a heartbeat. Set this dude, who obviously thought my girlfriend is his, straight. But the next second I saw Marcella flash a smile and sit a little too close to Hunter and it shocked me enough that my mouth just stayed open in a ‘ready to yell’ position.

It didn’t stop there. I watched as she leaned into him-and yeah maybe some friends can be that close, hell he could be gay or just not interested, but I’ve never heard of Hunter before now (and Marcella’s a gossip so I would have) as a last ditch attempt partly to save my dignity and also just because I didn’t want Marcella to be cheating on me, I tried to create a mantra of excuses

Maybe she’s cold, the dude is dressed in layers...maybe there’s a stain on the couch…

Maybe I’m being cheated on while a guy sits on my lap

I turn my attention to said guy and find him entranced by the movie. His brown eyes lit up by that pale blue cast of the TV, he’s not even looking at Marcella, not even looking at the Ginormous bowl of popcornsugar as he tosses handfuls into his mouth on auto-pilot-which makes me wince because that means pieces are falling onto the couch and floor.

(Of course he’s a slob. What else were we expecting?)

He’s… absolutely absorbed. Ironically, I’m amazed that he’s amazed by a bad horror film. Guy’s weird I’ll give him that.

“Marcy,” Marcy? “did you see that lamp flicker?” I notice Hunter’s hand not shoveling food has found its way to Marcella’s, and his fingers flex as he squeezes hers a bit too tight.

“Yes, it’s so cliche, it’s cringy,” Marcella replies, and I almost laugh at the face Hunter pulls. Blush manages to creep up on his tan cheeks, he flinches a tiny bit out of what I’m guessing is shame because he’s actually scared and chuckles nervously.

“He he...yeah…” he says in the purest "I'm nervous and you just made me moreso" way.

What a catch.

At this point I realize that I should stop being paranoid about Marcella cheating on me (because who would bring the other person on a date with you? Seriously) and maybe actually watch the movie.

I think Hunter started to get bored the more I started paying attention to the horrible acting on screen, because soon I hear a mumbled-

“Marcy, look. I’mma wampire woo.”

...What?

I turned back to Hunter and saw orange and yellow candy corns stuck on his canine teeth like fangs. I snorted just as Marcella says “take those off, you look ridiculous.”

Hunter must’ve caught my snort because he turns and beams at me. Suddenly, I wanted to take back the last few seconds; too much of that, ugh, 'sunny' energy on me.

“He gets it!” Hunter held up his hand for a high five and only because I knew we’d move on quicker if I did. I reluctantly high-fived back.

“Don’t encourage him Jordan,” Marcella says, and it makes me think that there’s no way they could be dating. Hunter’s too much of a goofy dork for the always presentable Marcella. And if he’s not dating Marcella, I guess I can tolerate him. Dorkiness is fine with me. I actually like corny (get it corny? Candy corn?) jokes. It’s just his hyperness that’s too much. And the personal space thing.

Yeah, maybe I can just enjoy the movie.

Except, Hunter sees the ghost a second later and jumps into MY lap.

Hunter quickly and far too loudly apologizes, “M-my bad dude! Just startled me!” I'm right here. Why the hell are you yelling? Ugh, my head is officially done.

Of course that just tickles Marcella’s funny bone and she laughs. “Hunter don’t squash poor, Jordan.”

“Sorry, Babe.” 

...

...The fuck did he just say!?

Marcella shoots me a ‘calm down’ look as Hunter gets off of me (thank frick) but moves close to her. Too close.

Clearing my throat, I ask “Marcella can I see you again for a sec?” Again, Hunter looks at me concerned.

“Are you feeling alright, Jordan?” Hunter asks, and wow is it weird hearing him say my name. “If you’re not feeling well, we can leave. Didn’t mean for our date to interrupt your rest.” He sounds genuinely worried...F*ck you

“I’m. Fine. Marcella. Now. Please.”

As we get up to leave, I hear Hunter ask if he should pause the movie and Marcella tell him we’ll only be a second, but this is all background noise right now.

“Explain.”

Marcella at least had the decency to look slightly guilty. “Okay, so maybe he thinks we’re dating.”

I moved towards the living room to ‘properly illuminate the situation’ to Hunter but Marcella’s hand on my arm stopped me. “ Hold on. I don’t want to cause a scene.” Pulling me closer she snuggled into my shoulder and looked up at me in a cute way because she knows I’m weak to cute. She usually only acts cute when she wants something. So I was very suspicious.

“I promise. I’ll tell him after we leave, just...try to get along? He’s very sweet and you just have to sit through a movie.”

“Fine.”

Only it was not fine. Our next date at the library, Hunter came with his arm around Marcella’s shoulders and an openly adoring stare.

"I didn’t get the chance to tell him."

The third date, I show up to the park and Hunter’s trying to feed the ducks as they waddle away from the loud man-child.

"Next time."

Well it’s next time now, on our fourth date since 'The Encounter.' We're in my favorite diner (Lee’s diner) and my girlfriend is cheating on me. In my face. Hunter sitting happily between us, holding Marcella’s hand. With that freaking milkshake.

I remember the one thing that cemented the fact she was cheating on me. (You know on top of everything else) After every time Hunter said ‘girlfriend.’ Every little touch. Regardless of Marcella’s promise to set him straight after our three previous dates, these kept happening. And the cherry on top was that each time they did…

She had smiled. She leaned closer. She cheated.

Like hell am I going to put up with that!

Before this ‘date’ is over. I’m going to break up with Marcella.