Today is my 18th birthday and I love it because right now my current mood is exhilaration! No matter how hard it has been to stay happy faced lately I’ve never actually felt so thrilled. Maybe antsy is another word for how I currently feel. Ever since the short abrupt chat I had with father on graduation night my motivation and mood have been pure excitement! To leave this place and finally live somewhere I might fit in, could be all I’ve ever needed. I want to find a place I can feel comfortable in, a place I might actually be able to call home. I want to meet new people and make friends as scary as that is. I’m extremely scared of personal relationships because I’ve never had good ones. I honestly don’t think I can go through the emotional abuse again. Its terrifying.

Okay I really need to quit being depressing.

While I’m at the public library I check my e-mail for a variety things. I put in applications to different schools in California in hopes that any of them would accept me. I wanted to study design, but to be honest, I would study anything if it was another way out of this place. I didn’t care I just wanted to be accepted.

I thought nothing of what I was getting myself into, I just knew that I wanted to create. So why not study fashion in LA. Like what hell why not? It sounds fun. Fun is what I think I need to survive so I don’t loose my sanity.

Before I leave the library to go back home I receive an e-mail in my inbox.

I open it and become emotional.

Tears start to well up in my eyes because I’m overwhelmed with the fact that my way out of this town has been confirmed with one single e-mail. I’m sure the guy next to me is thinking I’m nuts because a few tears drip down. I decided to be more precise about moving and finding an apartment online and I got a single reply.

I browsed over the apartment listing multiple times because I wanted to be sure I wasn’t seeing things. The apartment was actually a three bedroom condo for $1,300 a month. Jackpot! That was the most reasonable price I could find considering the area is high rate. Each room had a walk in closet and a personal bathroom. It looked beautiful. Honestly I didn’t care what I had as long as I was far far away from this place. I would just get a job and work hard to pay for the extras.

The girl on the apartment listing seemed real enough that I replied so fast my hands didn’t even realize I was typing. She gave me her contact information and told me to call her ASAP to talk over the details!

I can’t believe this. This can’t possibly be real right? Can I be so lucky?

The girl from the listing was Summer Velasco, who was 22 and living in the condo by herself in Koreatown area of LA. She mentioned that her father owns the property and rents it out to her and her brother. Currently due to her brother moving out she needs a roommate fast. I explained my situation through an e-mail back to her and she accepted right away. It really was that easy, but I feel like I should at least be cautious. She said to pay her with the first months rent after I move in. She comes off as nice but kind of forcefully confident with her words. I have a brief conversation over the phone with her and feel more confident that she’s the right fit for me.

Back home I go straight to my room and arrange phone calls to see what the best deal is for getting a U-haul. I pick a date for myself to leave and set that as the day I move. I don’t believe it but I’m really going to do this.

No looking back ever.

I hear a slight knock on my bedroom door as I’m browsing my phone. I look up and notice father asking if i’m awake.

“Yes, come in.” I say annoyed while resetting myself on my bed as father opens the door.

“I made tacos for dinner if your hungry. Also there is something in the fridge for you.” He says quietly. I instantly feel like he’s up to something.

I get up quickly throwing my slippers on and go into the kitchen. I look in the fridge and see a birthday cake. To my surprise I’m strangely relieved. I don’t know why I felt this way. My parents never really did much for my birthdays. No parties, no presents. I take it as a sign and just accept it.

“Thanks, I’m definitely going to eat this, no woman can say no to sugar!” I say politely as I notice dad let out a slight smile. He never does that.

I guess I can give him a compliment or two since I know it might make him feel better.

Lately I’m more careful about how I speak to him, I know he’s having a hard time and I didn’t want to make it worse. I’m not my mother though, I’d never beat him down, ever. I look at the counter as I’m searching for a plate to assemble my taco on when I see a small box on the kitchen island. The tiny box is light lavender purple with a white sparkly bow right on top with my name written in hot pink lettering.

“When you’re ready, you can open it, so you can stop staring at it.” Father says calmly with a laugh. I’m stunned I just stand there staring. I’m so surprised I’m hesitant to open the box. I don’t know what i’m expecting, it’s just a box from father. Even if its not that great, I appreciate the thought.

I close my eyes and open the box.

Inside the box is a small gold necklace. The chain is very thin but extremely elegant and so very shiny. There is a small heart charm linked to the chain with my birthstone inside the heart. My eyes start to get blurry all of a sudden.

GOD what is wrong with me today? I’m too sensitive. Why am I crying again? I’s just a damn necklace.

Father notices that I’m crying and grabs a tissue and hands it to me awkwardly.

“I’m sorry, I know this doesn’t make up for anything. I just wanted you to have something nice for your eighteenth birthday. I found it so beautiful when I was walking past a store downtown and thought of you. I figured it would be beautiful on you too.” He says with tears in his eyes.

I can sense the sadness radiating off of him. It’s triggering me even more. Gosh, this is a mess. We’re both crying and something inside my heart shifts and I just run over to him and hug him. I can’t stop myself because he’s trying so damn hard to make things right, even though I can see his many flaws. He holds tight on my head and hugs me for a while.

He whispers, “I’m sorry.” Over and over again.

The tears just keep falling.

Once we both calm down we eat dinner and slowly chat more and more. I honestly can say that things seem to be looking up and he’s accepted that I’m leaving. We both made a promise that the next time we see each other he’ll be in a better emotional stable place which will allow our relationship to grow. This birthday by far has to be the best one yet. I don’t think I could ask for anything else.

The best gift is seeing someone of my own flesh and blood fight for my acceptance and show another side that I can believe will continue to truly get better.

He has to.

For me.

For him.