Monday, November 28th, 2016

     I had a bit of a rough weekend after the session with doctor Delgado. I tried, as much as possible, the remind myself of possible positive outcomes whenever I felt the need to execute any of my compulsions and habits. But it was hard, and it distracted me from some things, like the beat to turn of the lights. Its hard to remember the rhythm of a song while also trying to come up with any possible positivity following a fire.

I couldn't think of one.

And it took me hours on Saturday to go through my morning rituals, failing them over and over again, one by one.

Sunday had been a better day, as not only dad, but grandpa too, kept me company and helped me find any traces of the cities history to document with my photo's.

I have about five pictures that I was pleased enough with, writing down the story behind them when we were back home. It kept me busy and the day went like any other day; just do what I always do, in my own way. No positive thoughts, but nearly no negative thoughts either. Since I already skipped a couple of days of school last week, I forced myself up and going today, heading over to school while not knowing how Calo is doing.

I haven’t heard from him ever since he kissed me and hurried out of our house.

I’m confused as hell about that kiss anyway.

What did it mean?

What does it mean?

I need answers, and he didn’t give me any via text since he ignored the three or four texts I’ve send him over the past couple of days.

I even demanded an answer in the last text, but to no avail; Calo still ignored me.

I have to say, I’m not even nervous about going to school because of the usual obvious reasons. I’m nervous because I don’t want to lose the one friend I have. The one person I actually like enough to spend time with, while he obviously likes hanging out with me too.

It’s Luke’s voice that makes me aware of the fact Calo is already in class, when I walk closer to the door, running a bit late due to start-up problems this morning.

“What’s up Delgado? Got nothing on us, huh?” Luke tauntingly calls out to Calo, who I now find seated at his desk, with his head propped on his hand, staring out of the window; ignoring Luke and Jimmy who are in front of his desk.

“Are you deaf?” Jimmy pushes Calo’s arm aside, causing his head to nearly hit the table.

He looks exhausted, his eyes bloodshot, his pupils tiny, those eyes focussing on me as soon as I walk up to them.

“Morning.” His voice is even a bit hoarse, as if he caught a cold, or as if he’s been crying for hours. I think the latter is a safe bet, knowing his condition.

“Hey.” I mumble back, sitting down next to him, while I notice Luke and Jimmy looking back and forth between us.

“What, did the two lovebirds get in a fight?” Luke leans forwards over my desk, his face close to mine. “What’s wrong? Did he fuck you too hard?”

“That’s it,” Calo snaps at him, pulling his arms off the desk, causing Luke to actually hit his head on my desk. “I’m going to kill you.”

“The fuck!?” Luke calls out in anger, Jimmy grabbing Calo’s collar in anger.

“Piss off,” Calo spits in his face, digging his nails into the skin of Jimmy’s lower arm.

“Auch!” Jimmy raises his fist, wanting to hit Calo, as Mrs. Tilly shows up at his side with an angry look on her face.

“That’s it, Jimmy, principal’s office, now.” She points towards the door, while Luke simply sends us an angry look, and Jimmy a warning one, pointing at Calo. “If any of you three makes as much as a sound, you can follow after him.” She looks towards Luke, Calo and finally me, before putting the books she was holding onto her desk. “I’m done with the fights, the bickering, the name-calling.”

She turns around towards the board, writing down the word “Bullying” with big, bold letters on it. “Since recently, the students in this school seem to have forgotten how to behave, we, as South Haven, decided on starting up the national anti-bullying program. Now, we were already a part of the program, but so far, there seemed to be little reason to actually raise awareness about the consequences. As from today, twice a week, everybody in this school, will be confronted with the effects of bullying. At the end of the month, there will be a gathering in the auditorium, where we will receive guest-speakers to tell about their experiences with bullying…”

“Wait, hold up.” Calo frowns, cocking his head a bit. “Really?”

“Yes, Mr. Delgado, really…”

“I meant the statement that so far, there had been little to no reason for awareness. You’re telling me the school has been part of a program to stop bullying, or prevent it, without actually doing something about it?”

“We always had a very active approach to stop or if possible, prevent bullying…”

“I call bullshit.” Calo gestures towards me. “Neo’s been taunted, bullied, outcasted for years. When someone takes action, they get suspended, but never, I repeat never have his bullies been punished or corrected in their behaviour.”

“We always tried to stop the bullying and we took action against his bullies…”

“No, you did not.” I interfere with their discussion in annoyance. “Pyper got suspended for beating Luke up, while Luke got a warning for beating me up. Simply because Pyper had the guts to admit beating Luke up, and Luke’s too much of a pussy…”

“No name-calling!” She cuts my ranting short. “Principal’s office, now. I warned you…”

“I’m not going. If I’m going, Luke should go too. If Luke’s going, everybody should go.”

Calo smirks, nodding in agreement. “Luke calls him Faulty Favre, Teacher’s pet, Prima ballerina…”

“Faulty freak, freak and whatnot.” I fill up the list.

“And Neo get’s send to the principal’s office because he calls Luke a pussy.”

“He is a pussy.”

“Call me pussy one more time, and I’ll show you who’s a pussy…”

“Luke, principal’s office, now.” Mrs. Tilly points towards the door. “Neo, Calo, you too. You all had a warning…”

“What did I do!?” Calo calls out offended. “I only gave examples…”

“You ratted out Luke…” Angela leans forwards to look at him. “You forced her to send Luke out and they hate sending him out.”

“Angela!”

“What? It’s true, right?” She shrugs. “Luke’s father sponsors a lot of activities in this school and therefor Luke can do whatever he wants…”

“I will not stand here and listen to those accusations.”

“Let me guess…” Calo chuckles.

“I’ll go to the principal’s office, sure.” Angela shrugs carelessly. “If telling the truth is considered wrong, fine by me.”

She gets up, and eventually, Calo, Luke and myself all get up too, following her out of the classroom.

“You’ll be sorry for getting me send out, again.” Luke spits towards me.

“You’ll be sorry for daring to threaten him, again.” Calo steps partially in front of me. “Believe me, I felt like fighting for days, so please, give me a reason…”

“Fuck off, Delgado,” Luke hisses, before turning around, leaving us behind, while we follow him down the hallway, towards principal Jameson, to hear what our punishment is going to be.