You shouldn't go.

That's what it kept telling Anna all night, this monster of hers. It was always behind her, whispering to her. It was a hideous thing, wrapping its long arms around her, and it seemed to be getting heavier every day. With a sigh, she forced herself to sit up in bed. The clock said it was 3:32AM, but she was sure five hours ago it was 3:30.

They know what happened. You know what they'll say.

Anna drew her knees up to her chest, tears rolling down her face. What happened to yesterday? When the weight of the monster seemed to be so far away. She ate more that day then she had in a week, even cooked her own meal, even if was just grilled cheese and some soup. Her good mood carried her throughout the day, cleaning her house without a care in the world. A friend stopped by, one that she hadn't seen in a long time. Anna's phone often dinged with invitations to events, but she could never bring herself to go. The friend was concerned and frustrated, believing that Anna wasn't making an effort to be a friend or even to try to get better. How long was she planning on being a hermit? Wasn't she supposed to be going back to work tomorrow?

Anna spent the rest of the day thinking about that face, her monster is sure to remind her of the eyes that would be on her, the gossip that would happen when she wasn't looking. She barely remembered that she needed to shower that day, how was she going to function at work? 5:45AM. Anna blinked when did the time slip away from her? What had she been doing? She slowly stood, her body feeling as if it was made of lead. A fog hovered in her mind, somehow it was even hard to see clearly. The outfit she picked out the day before was hanging up on the hook on the wall. In her excitement, she eagerly picked something out, but now she couldn't stand to look at it. Opening her closest, she flinched. Before the monster came her favorite color was red, the vibrant color was the trigger of a nightmare.

Anna quickly shuffled through her clothes, finally grabbing the longest skirt she had and a cardigan that was too big for her. Next was getting to work. She would take the bus, as she always did. Remembering the sights along the route brought a smile to her face, but was quickly wiped away by the small crowd of people at the bus stop. She swallowed hard, she could do it, she rode the bus just last week with little trouble.

Thirty minutes later, Anna was gripping the arms of her chair. She couldn't seem to catch her breath. There were way more people on the bus than with her last trip. Fear instantly hit her when someone set down next to her, the strong scent of cologne filling her nose. The monster constantly whispered to her, reminding her of the pain, telling her she wasn't strong enough. She barely made it to her cubicle without being bombarded by co-workers welcoming her back. Trying to fight back the tears, she covered her ears, the sounds of the office threatening to overwhelm her. All she had to do was breathe.

It will happen again, if not him, someone else.

The monster bared down on her. 07:30 AM. Anna was already tired, it had taken everything just to get to the office, and her shift had barely begun.

“Anna?”

The voice spurred an instant smiling mask. “Oh, good morning Grace!”

“Are you feeling ok?”

“Of course!”

“Ok. Well, then here's the first client that the Boss wanted you to handle. I know it's your first day back so if you have any questions, please let me know.”

The tears nearly choked Anna. She took a deep breath before flipping on her computer and opening the file. 9:10AM. Anna blinked, numbers and words filled her computer screen, her handwriting was on the papers in front of her, but she couldn't remember what she had done. Even worse, what she had done was full of mistakes. The phone rang, her e-mail dinged, someone stopped by to say good morning. What was she supposed to be doing again? Voices chattered behind her when she turned her heart leaped into her throat. It was just a red tie, on a co-worker she had known for years.

It's the same tie from that day, isn't it? I told you it would happen again, you should have stayed home. Run.

Anna ran for the bathroom, believing it to be the safest place she could go. She turned the water on full force to drown out the words of the monster, to drown out all the noise that pounded against her head. The cold water on her face only helped to hide the tears falling down her face. Her fingers gripped the edge of the sink, her legs felt as if they would quit any second. The monster stared back at her, slowly squeezing her chest. What happened to yesterday? Why did this have to happen today of all days? Why did it feel like the bad days weren't going away? Where was her hope?

“Anna?”

Grace stood beside her with concern in her eyes. Anna quickly dabbed her face with a paper towel. “Oh hi, Grace! I'm just feeling a little tired I thought some water might help wake me up.”

“I see it.”

“What?”

“Your monster. I can see it. I should have said something before.”

Anna smiled weakly. “What are you talking about? I'm fine, I'm just tired.”

“My brother used to say that too. I didn't see his monster for a long time, no one did. It wasn't until he was dying in my arms that I saw it. He's ok now, but every day since then, I've been able to see them. It's not hard once everything you missed before becomes crystal clear.”

“I-I,” Anna froze.

“Is there something I can do? Right now? What do you need?”

“It's just so loud, I can't breathe, I can't-”

“Is ok if I touch you?”

Anna nodded, but she felt her body tightening as her co-worker slowly reached her arms out. Suddenly, the memories flashed in her mind, the monster yelled at her that she had to run, she would be hurt again if she didn't, but Anna's body refused to move. Then it was quiet. Opening her eyes, she realized Grace covered her ears. Her touch was so gentle that Anna didn't even notice it. Grace smiled softly, waiting for Anna's breath to slow. There was no monster, no blaring noise, just silence. Finally, Grace removed her hands.

“I'm sorry if I startled you. It helped my brother sometimes I thought it might help you too.”

“It's ok. It did help.”

“I don't know what happened, and you don't have to tell me, but it was really brave of you to come today.”

Tears fell. “I don't even know why I'm here. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to come. I just want to sleep. I just want to take my pills and sleep.”

“We don't really know each other, so I know you have no reason to believe me, but there is hope. Because you decided to get out of bed and come here even though that monster is weighing you down, and you were scared.”

“I can't do this every day. It's too much.”

Grace reached into her pocket and pulled out a business card. “There are people out there with different monsters, but some are like yours. They struggle with the same fears as you do, but they come together twice a week and talk. Sometimes they cry and yell, sometimes they show each other tricks to deal with the daily issues. They even have resources if you feel like you need more help. I'm not saying you have to go, but at least think about it.”

“I tried this before, my friends said I should stop going because it wasn't doing anything to make me better,” Anna mumbled.

“Who are they to decide what makes you feel better? They aren't the ones dealing with the monster.”

“Sometimes I can't handle meeting new people.”

“That's ok. You can go when you want, I'll be there twice a week.”

“You go? Even though you don't have a monster?”

“Monster or not, everyone needs support. You deserve that, and it's worth it. I can't say every day will be great, but it will be worth it. You deserve to be happy Anna, give yourself that chance.”

Anna smiled, the tears returning to their steady flow. The monster fell back, it wasn't entirely gone, but she felt so much lighter, she could breathe again. Just the simple recognition that someone saw her, really saw her and still reached out was enough, but in her hands, she held her hope. It was so small in her hands, her heart swelled looking at it. Maybe the path wouldn't be so hard alone, maybe she could take one more step with someone beside her. Looking at Grace she felt, for the first time, she would be able to move on.