Warning self harm read at your own discretion

At my worst I'm afraid of myself because I don't know what I'm capable of at my worst I hate myself at my worst I push everyone away at my worst the pain and suffering it's just too much her words are just too loud I let her consume me I give in and I let her control me

At my worst when I was at my worst it wasn't when I was depressed it wasn't when I injured my knee it was when my dad was in the hospital because at that time I was weak more perceptible to her words and she knew that and she used me she inflicted the pain with her words there was a time I gave into her words just to much that was when I would say that was at my worst I was just grocery shopping with my sister when we bumped into someone that knew and that sent me into a on panic attack I didn't know what to do I just wanted to run away I just wanted to leave but the thing that hurt me the most was that my sister got mad at me for something I wasn't in control of later that day we fought about it because she didn't understand the one person I thought could understand me hurt me deeply I didn't know what to do I was upset I thought it was over the sisterly Bond we share I thought It had broke because of simple words and because she didn't understand me her the one inside my mind she told me things I never wanted to hear and I listen because I didn't know what to do the one person I thought would always be there for me pushed me away because she didn't understand but she wasn't the only one I have left my brother he tried to help me because he understood he knew the pain I felt but when I'm at my worst no one can help me I gave into her words even though they hurt she told me that my sister hates me that she doesn't love me anymore that she'll never understand that she thinks I'm a freak but I just cry and scream it's not true it's not true it can't be true I started to hit myself in the head because she just wouldn't shut up I just wanted her to shut up I just screamed at my brother I know you think I'm crazy too no one will understand me but he told me that's not true you're not a freak you're not crazy I understand and just because our other sister doesn't that doesn't mean that you're crazy those words will forever be in my heart because for my brother to say something like that to me was the most touching thing I've ever heard and in that one moment I felt accepted by him and that is all I ever wanted I'm just to feel accepted by someone that someone understood I did talk to my sister later that day and she tried to understand even though no one will never fully understand me it's enough for them to try they still times when I'm at my worst but I know I've always had the support of my brothers and sisters to help Me Make It through