One of my Guides, Jared, suggested to start color coding the days in this journal. He showed me something called “a year in pixels”. It looks pretty cool, but that doesn’t help the unease. I haven't told him about the journal. I haven't told anyone. Guides are unnerving with their seemingly omniscient knowledge.

Guides are probably the most terrifying unhumans. Or, at least to me.

Death is scary. Lack of it is an unimaginable horror. Especially with their nature.

I write down Jared’s name a lot, just like I write down all Guidian names. Otherwise, they slip between the fine threads of human memory. Every time I look for him in the halls, I have trouble remembering what I'm doing, who I'm looking for. Usually, it’s him who finds me. I know this is how they live and function, but… the idea of being so utterly forgettable is not only a strange concept, it’s what I imagine to be a worst nightmare of many. To be instantly forgotten. Out of sight out of mind, literally.

But it is one thing to be forgotten. Another to not matter at all. Despite their name - “Guide” - they do not really guide us, humans. They watch. They observe.

One time, I saw a car full of Guides (I know it only because Jared was among them) run past a speed camera. It didn’t light up. A nearby police car seemed not to notice them speeding past at all. They are like ghosts walking among us. They can touch us, speak to us, interact, and that should be changing something. It should have an impact. Like… butterfly effect I think? I should look it up, probably.

(how many times have I written this? I should really start looking this stuff up)

((also, I'm starting to feel like, instead of writing down my days, I just write short essays on stuff. I guess I kind of never had anyone to tell all this thoughts. It’s not like I talk with people my age more than necessary and… well. As much as I like to talk to the teachers, I feel like they have such a different view on how the world is, or should be. Older generation))

Anyway. Guides Guides Guides. Jared. I don’t know much about him, even though he’s not very secretive. I know some people are able to train themselves to interact with Guides without their memories outright refusing to acknowledge them. They hang around Guides, or share workspaces with them. There is a myth that those are the only people permanently affected by Guidian influence.

I am, obviously, not one of them. At least not now, I guess.

Jared also tells me that if I want it to work I shouldn’t include “just a day like always” or “a mediocre day”

Quite honestly, I feel like I have no choice but to follow his advice. Even though their role is to be more of impartial observers, they are named Guides for a reason. Or so I chose to believe.

yellow - happy

blue - sad

red - angry

green - annoyed

purple - anxious