He was everywhere now.

He didn’t approach me, or try to confront me, but everywhere I went, everywhere I looked, Zain made sure I saw him. He was waiting for an opportunity to corner me; he really wanted to pull that memory out of me, he really wanted me to suffer. He really hates me that much.

My chest pained. The swimming pool was no longer a safe place for me. He’d be waiting for me, expecting me. He’d even follow me to the library, I was sure if it. There was no where I could go now, to escape anything. It was a place of peace and he’s taken that from me.

“Alright Helen Morris I want answers.”

I jumped with a jolt and spun, and then scowled. “What do you want Victoria?” Really? I just got done with my kickboxing class. I’m already stressed out dealing with Zain, and now she’s cornering me?

“Something is up with Zain,” she said and I immediately rolled my eyes, “and I KNOW it has something to do with you.” She fixed me with a hard stare that paled in comparison to Zain’s. “Why does he keep following you? What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything,” I growled back, seething. She took a step back, startled. “Maybe, just maybe, you should go ask that asshole yourself instead of having everything done for you!”

She looked appalled and incredulous, and my voice had drawn a crowd. “How-! How dare you speak to-! You little-!”

“Alright look, princess,” I said, my voice laced heavy with a malice I knew I was going to regret. “You have no idea what shit I’ve been dealing with, you with your life all taken care of and planned out for you and la-di-da-di-DA. I don’t give a crap WHO you are. Just fuck off, and leave me the hell alone.”

Victoria’s body had stiffened and her face had gone white, unable to process what just occurred. I laughed as I turned away, feeling strangely manic. She’s probably never had anyone talk to her that way. Our audience was shocked too, including her little groupies. Her groupies…

The rush of adrenaline faded and I realized I might have just screwed myself over even worse. Soon as I rounded the corner I ran. There’s no way her friends were going to let that go, I was definitely going to be attacked for that.

Suddenly that pulling sensation magnified, yanking me from all different directions and growing stronger and stronger. I ran faster now, not caring where it was I was going. It felt like I was ripping at the seems almost literally; he was really determined now. There was no way I could get away, not with his speed, not with his tenacity. But I wasn’t going down without a fight.

He grabbed me from behind with a single hand to the chest and threw me sideways into an empty room. I scrambled back to my feet and darted back, ready for a scream. He shut and locked the door and caught me, dodging my punch this time and pinning me against the wall, covering my mouth. I thrashed against him uselessly.

“This has been fun, chasing you around,” he sneered quietly, “but I’m tired of playing games. Now,” His eyes stared hard into mine. “You’re going to give me what I want, or I’m just going to get what I want.”

I squirmed as I felt his mind probe into mine, smashing through the walls and filtering through my memories. I fought as hard as I could but he was persistent, prepared this time. He started getting close to the right time period and a whimpering noise escaped my mouth through his hand, tears forming in my eyes and my body starting to shake. Please no...I don’t want to remember, I don’t want to remember...Pain seared across my back and Zain gave a yelp, dropping me and stepping back in shock as the spell was broken.

I dropped to my knees, shaking and hyperventilating from the phantom pain and holding my chest. Zain’s eyes were wide, shocked and guilty.

“It’s a scar, okay?” my voice came out feebly and shaky. “I got it from my dad...he kept hurting mom, I didn’t want him to hurt mom, and he...he…” My body convulsed in pain from the memory and for a moment I couldn’t breath, couldn’t think, couldn’t escape because now I was there and trapped. “Are you happy now, Zain?” I cried softly. “Did you get what you want?”

Everything inside me was broken now. All of the barriers, all of my strength, any self-esteem or conviction, in pieces. I didn’t want to exist anymore, I didn’t want to be here anymore. I didn’t even want to go home anymore. I wanted nothing more now than to just disappear forever so I wouldn’t have to feel anything ever again.

Suddenly I was encased in warmth, and a sweet smell smothered me as my face was pulled into his chest. Zain held me tight as I clung to him and cried, his voice pained and guilt-ridden in my ear as he apologized over and over. I didn’t think about the fact that he was comforting me, or saying sorry, or whether or not he really meant it. I just cried, letting his warmth envelop me and falling into the false comfort it gave me. A comfort I had been craving for so long, a sense of security I had never known ever in my life. Despite everything, despite even that it was Zain, of all people, I felt safe.

After a long time I started to calm down. My breathing began to stabilize, and my body felt exhausted. My emotions felt drained; I hadn’t cried like that in a very long time. Not since...I flinched.

“I’m so sorry Helen,” Zain murmured, squeezing a little. His voice was gentle and sincere. “I didn’t know...I didn’t think it would be something like that…”

“Just don’t talk right now,” my voice croaked, my face still buried in his shirt. A short wave of internal pain came and passed, and I shoved it all back this time. After I did, I realized that Zain had just used my name for the first time.

“You’re taking things out of context,” he teased, but gently, tentatively.

“Oh shut up,” I muttered, and heard him chuckle. It resonated deep in his chest, like a gentle drum, rising up to this throat.

“That’s the spirit,” he smirked crookedly. “You’re almost back to your old self.”

I hit him lightly in the chest, and then unclenched the grip I had on his shirt, lifting away. “I think I’m okay now.”

His arms loosen a little. “You sure?”

I hesitated, and for just a moment I didn’t want his embrace to end. I wanted to stay here and pretend we didn’t hate each other, pretend he wasn’t a jerk and our lives weren’t messed up. Pretend we were those creatures underwater in the pool, thinking of nothing but enjoying the moment. Pretend that things were different. But that was a reality I can’t accept, shouldn’t accept. A reality that just wasn’t true. I gently pushed him away.

“Yeah,” I said, unable to hide the listlessness in my voice. “I’ll...I’ll be alright.”

He released me and helped me back to my feet; my body shook and wobbled, my face sticky from dried tears and snot. It felt like electricity was coursing beneath my skin where his embrace had created an absence. I flushed in embarrassment as the events that just happened started to hit me.

“This, um,” I began, carefully choosing my words. “This…this never happened, okay?”

He seemed to understand. “You didn’t just have a meltdown.”

“And you weren't comforting me.” A pang hit my chest as I said that, and I pushed the longing back. After a moment of silent truce and a weird, awkward exchange of insisting the other goes through the door first, we went our separate ways.

It was evening already, and my head was still in a daze. I tried not to think about anything, I tried to keep the desire to go back, to follow the pulling back to him, at bay. I missed the warmth, his smell, already. I slapped my cheeks. Get a hold of yourself, Helen. He’s not your friend. He’s not even...he’s a bully and a jerk and an abuser. One moment of kindness doesn’t make up for all of the malice, the unreasonable blame and forceful demands.

This bond was dangerous...I thought of Ms. Lorely’s story, how she got trapped into feelings of desire for the vampire that abused her and shuddered, briefly thinking of my mom and her situation too. Ice filled my chest and throat as I realized I might be trapped in that as well. Zain hasn’t ever hit me, or hurt me necessarily beyond feedings (or when he threw me into that room), but he’s been forceful. Aggressive. It doesn’t take much for that to turn extremely bad. I still didn’t know anything about him. And it’s only been two months.

Two months…it feels like a lifetime ago.

I opened the door to the dorms and everyone stood up and rushed me immediately, their faces filled with elation.

“Oh my gosh Helen!”

“You’re okay, thank goodness!”

“We were so worried, we thought Victoria might have-!”

With I jolt I realized they were talking about my shouting match with Victoria. I had completely forgotten that had happened.

“Yeah sorry, I um-”

“We were looking everywhere for you, we didn’t know if...but then it got close to curfew so we told Dmitri and Greg and Mason-”

Ah, so there is a curfew. It doesn’t seem to be enforced, though.

“Helen?”

I stopped, realizing I had still been walking towards the stairs. Everyone looked at me with worry in their eyes, Rose especially.

“Is everything okay?” she asked carefully. “You’re eyes are…”

I gave the most convincing smile I could muster to put them at ease. “I’m okay, I’m just...really tired. When I started cooling down I realized what I just did so I’ve been kinda...running and hiding.” Not entirely a lie a guess. It convinced them though. I felt a little bad about it.

“Okay, you should get some sleep then,” Rose said. I nodded and started climbing the stairs.

“Helen?” she called again as I reach the top. I stopped and look back at her.

“I know we can’t really know what you’re going through, and we understand if you don’t feel comfortable enough to trust us, but...I just want you to know, if you ever need someone to talk to, we’re always here. You’re our friend, we want to help however we can, okay?”

Tears welled up in my eyes. “Thanks,” I croaked out, darting quickly into my room before I cried in front of them too. I really didn’t want to cry anymore, not ever again, for anything. But the sincerity got to my frazzled nerves and I needed a long shower and some calming quiet before I got it under control again.

I should do more things for them. They’re trying just as much as I am. I don’t feel like I’ve been considerate enough back to them. I curled up in my bed, feeling exhausted, and fell asleep thinking about different activities I could do.

What a bizarre birthday this had been.