Sometimes I still let her in but I didn't want to I don't want to but sometimes her voice is just a little too loud her strength is just a little too much and I her in and inflict the pain like she always did I thought I was finally in control I thought I finally can do this but I let her in

Her words that were whispers her figured that was a shadow they are now much clear because I let her in but I don't want to do that again I don't want to feel this pain because now that I know what it's like to be without it it hurts so much deeper hurts worse the words that she hurts me with the cuts that she carbs from within I don't want to let her in but I feel like I care just too much can I see other people's struggle and I don't feel that pain that anxiety that she makes me feel pain I feel selfish because I'm not suffering because I'm not feeling pain because I'm not afraid to be in the world to be myself anymore and that's when I let her in because she tells me if I let her in inflict this pain on me it stops the others around me from suffering but it doesn't but I give in because I don't want to see them suffer I don't want to see them hurt I would rather bare all of the world then see someone else hurt but yet because of that I let her in and I let myself suffer I crawl back into that hole that pitting and I let her take control sometimes I still let her in